My Son the Pothead - New Member

Old 03-07-2012, 07:29 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon
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My Son the Pothead - New Member

Hi. Have been a lurker, and have found much information and support on this website, so thanks in advance. I have been attending Al-Anon for about 5 months. My ex-husband and I divorced due to his marijuana addiction, and my current husband's 60 year old father is a hardcore stoner - now I believe my 19 year old son is too.
Two years ago we we suspected he was using and threatened to drug test him - which he then admitted he was. We told him he couldn't live in this house and do drugs (bad influence for 15 year old younger brother- and totally not okay with it given my history) so off he went to live with his dad. We haven't seen him in over a year, and it's been almost the same since the last time we talked. The lies, abuse, disrespect, blaming were too much and I told him I wouldn't tolerate his crap. He did not graduate from high school, has a part-time job, and dropped out of community college after a semester. We do not financially support him in any way. His step-mom has caught him smoking dope in the house. They pay his cell-phone bill, give him their car to drive and pay his insurance. Dad does nothing at all about this and the new step mom (she and I have corresponded over this nightmare) is at her wit's end. My younger son has to go over to his dad's every other weekend so needless to say it's a bad situation. Part of my guilt is that I feel like I threw him to the wolves and new by living with his father - it would just get worse.
I attend meetings, have a sponser and work the steps. Son has recently moved out of his dad's with three other 19 year olds (suspect one or more is dealing weed) and he texted us saying that he wanted to see us soon, blah blah, his actions never ever match his words. It's easy to remain detached when you have no contact - but I'm not confidant I will be able to use the tools if he comes back into my life with his vortex of drama and disappointments. I am trying so hard to seperate the addict from the addiction and love my son for who I know he is now, because part of me thinks that I have lost him forever. I get so mad at the cavalier attitude he has about pot, how it's an herb and there is no way to become addicted to it...His excuse is that he is young, you only live once and "at least I don't have a needle hanging out of my arm" He believes weed is the solution to his problems, not the source. He has completely dropped out of this family, and hides from us because emotionally he has stunted his ability to deal with anything unpleasant and will forever be 16 with no coping skills. I have to leave the past in the past if I am ever to deal with him, but that's going to be hard, given everything that's happened. I have had to release him with love, hope he finds his way and I choose to live the best life possible, whether he is sober and in my life or not. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-07-2012, 07:59 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
" Having spent the last three years either trying to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes there can be peace."

Thank you for posting this.

Reliving the past and/or experieincing the future before it arrived, as it related to my daughter, became as addictive to me as her drug of choice was to her.
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