outtolunch

I used my hopeful fantasies of what was or might be to rationalize my attempts to fix my daughter. It was initially easier than accepting I had no control over her or anyone else for that matter.

Addiction demands the addict protect ( lie and manipulate) and sustain it at all costs. It's not personal. He is not using at you or your son. I know it feels that way, right now.

KuanYin

Me, three. I wanted my AS to be different too, because I absolutely was committed to his recovery, and I loved him so much that I'd go to the ends of the earth and back for him. And he'd have let me, too, while he laid on the couch and continued using. I feel both relief, and sickness in reading these posts, over my own lost years trying in vain to fix my AS. I once tried describing my life to someone (back when I used to talk to people) as living in a sustained state of grief. And my son was like living with the walking dead. It felt like he was not in there anymore, but his body was still breathing. I've been in sustained grief for way more than the 6 years my son has been injecting, and only since January have I found the strength to let go. Detach. It is a process, for me a breath at a time.

becky1982

Elle,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I found out about my husbands addiction in October too. I know how hard it is. Please read codependent no more, its a wonderful book that has really changed my outlook. Please keep coming to SR, and do check out a naranon or alanon meeting. You will meet people just like you who made to the other side, and they are not only intact, but happy and thriving! Many hugs to you.