Farfalla

Hi SR family.
Well, four weeks Saturday at my parents home. I'm sleeping very comfortably. I am eating. My digestion is getting back to normal. Although sometimes I think the kids are sad they seem to be adjusting. I noticed my son who liked to sleep out at friend's houses alot hasn't wanted to sleep out at all. Hmmm. There is peace, calmness and laughter in the house. My AH is starting to be verbally abusive via text messaging then he quickly comes back with an apology. I told him today I want the whole cake not the crumbs. I will simply not bend on what I want and his attempt to make me feel guilty for the misery he caused will not work. I know they say holding onto resentment isn't healthy but I feel I am holding onto resentment for things he has done as a coping mechanism to validate my decision. Has anyone else experienced this?

kmangel

From what I see in your post, you are not showing resentment--you are sticking to your boundaries. Keep it up.

Ann

Sometimes anger can keep us safe, as long as we don't hang out there too long.

You sound safe where you are and your kids sound like they are coping well. I'm sure there will be sad times for all of you but together you can get through this.

If he continues to be abusive texting, don't let him send you messages or simply erase without reading. You don't have to accept his bad behaviour on any terms.

Sending hugs because this must be a difficult time for you all.

tnw

I agree with the post above... I don't think you're holding onto resentment, but setting boundaries instead, which I think is definitely necessary for starting over. I think if we make those boundaries known and are consistent then that's the best that can be done. You've stated what you want and what is/isn't acceptable. You have to go by what you need to stay healthy in more ways than one. I'm working on doing that myself. Good luck with everything and keep us updated!

Farfalla

Thanks everyone for letting me share and offering your insight. I know I did the right thing for ME and MY CHILDREN. I am angry that he was given the gift of sobriety and a chance to start over and he disregarded that gift and his family like a piece of trash. I look back at the hurt, pain and sacrifices me and the kids made over the years all so he can protect his using and it pisses me off!!!