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Fiance Of An Addict Seeking Answers To A Question

Old 03-06-2012, 12:44 PM
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Unhappy Fiance Of An Addict Seeking Answers To A Question

When I first met my fiance everything was wonderful. He was kind, sweet, and caring. Then my fiance became addicted to oxycodone. He took 80-90mg daily for about two months and quit cold turkey two weeks ago. Since he has started the oxycodone he has belittled me and called me names. Things are very strained now and he blames everything on me. He in essence has turned into a monster and the complete opposite of his old self. Is this normal, if so how long can I excpet this to keep happening, and is there anything I can do to help me cope? Thanks.

Sincerley,
A Very Distraught Fiance
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Old 03-06-2012, 02:03 PM
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"Is this normal, if so how long can I excpet this to keep happening, and is there anything I can do to help me cope?"

1. for people no. For addicts, yes.

2. how long can you expect a fire to burn your skin? As long as you choose to stand right next to it. Don't blame the fire for being hot. Its a fire. It burns stuff. You can always walk away. Forever/as long as you let it.

3. Yes. Help YOU. go to meetings. LISTEN to the advice you find here. the fact that you are a fiancee and not a wife is a blessing, like anvilhead said.

Even if there were no drugs, you dont deserve to be treated like that.

hugs
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Old 03-06-2012, 03:45 PM
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Knowing my son before addiction and after, he never became verbally abusive. Maybe your A is naturally verbally abusive and he concealed it for awhile, but his true colors are now showing.
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Old 03-06-2012, 04:32 PM
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My RABF was addicted to oxycodone, too. He did not belittle me or call me names. He became very distant, and became more focused on finding drugs rather than the relationship. He lied to me about the drug usage. He liked to doctors and pharmacies in order to get more of the drug. These are all bad things, but you are talking about sounds like emotional abuse. How long have you known your fiance? This is definitely a red flag in a potential partner.
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:30 PM
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I'd say right now he is going through w/d so I don't know if it's representative of his true character - but I would ask how long you knew him during the good times when his behavior was shall we say: kind, considerate, respectful, loving?
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:06 PM
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It's possible, if he quit cold-turkey two weeks ago, some of the behavior could be withdrawals. But please think through this very carefully before connecting with him for a lifetime. There have been so many times I wished I could divorce my AS.

Take care of yourself, read good material, go to meetings, find a counselor...whatever you need to do to really think about this situation. You will find lots of wisdom in this forum. Keep coming back. I care.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:26 AM
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My Dad has been on Oxycontin for about 4 years now. He has been taking 6 80mg. tabs daily along with 15 4mg. dilladid(sp). About a week ago he ran out of his meds(which is nothing new,usually runs out a day early, or has 1-2 pills to get him through till his appointment) 4 days early and ended up in the ER after nearly 3 full days of withdrawal at home. My Dad has issues from 2 failed back surgeries 6 years ago he is addicted to pain meds and it has been a nightmare for my family and I. I cannot understand why any doctor would prescribe such massive amounts of pain meds to an addict. When he ran out the ER called the pain dr. and told him how wrong he was for doing this upon this the pain dr stopped all the meds and put him on 2 different pain patches(fentanyl) and something else and 84 dillaudid for 2 wks. Now during withdrawals my father said some of the most horribly mean things to my mother, my sister, me and anything else in his line of vision. He repeatedly told us how this was all our faults and alls he wants to do is die so on and so forth. I heard the words he was saying but I knew it wasnt him it was the withdrawal, not that that makes it ok just fact. A few days after his visit to the ER he was extremely apologetic and remourseful. This is my dad I cannot walk away from him. As for your situation with your fiance I think you have to accept the fact that this will be a lifelong battle the temptations and urges will always be there somewhere. If you believe in your fiance and he believes in himself enough to commit to treatment and support try it. But remember also that he does not have the right to degrade you he is angry, frustrated and disgusted with himself, not you. I always tell my dad to look in the mirror and bitch because he did it to himself. I also take his car keys and leave him be until he is coherant enough to speak to me in decent matter. After 3-7 days(in my experience) the worst of it is over and there is no excuse for harsh words from the withdrawal after that. I dont know if all this makes sense the past week or so has been extremely crazy for me. My dad is still in a terrible place but getting better each day with many ups and downs just hoping he can get some sleep soon. I really believe in counseling and support groups because well at least my Dad and many other sites and blogs I've read the addicts going through withdrawal really do feel alone helpless angy lost and just down right depressed. I would love for this pain dr. to have some sort of consequence for prescribing such ridiclous amounts of meds because if he did this to my dad I am sure that their are many more addicts that go to him to feed their addictions and it is wrong. While my Dad has to own this adiction and work hard to fix it if the dr did his job he would have seen the signs and done something about it. Good Luck to you and best wishes to your fiance
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Old 05-30-2012, 01:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Itshard2012 View Post
My Dad has been on Oxycontin for about 4 years now. He has been taking 6 80mg. tabs daily along with 15 4mg. dilladid(sp). About a week ago he ran out of his meds(which is nothing new,usually runs out a day early, or has 1-2 pills to get him through till his appointment) 4 days early and ended up in the ER after nearly 3 full days of withdrawal at home. My Dad has issues from 2 failed back surgeries 6 years ago he is addicted to pain meds and it has been a nightmare for my family and I. I cannot understand why any doctor would prescribe such massive amounts of pain meds to an addict. When he ran out the ER called the pain dr. and told him how wrong he was for doing this upon this the pain dr stopped all the meds and put him on 2 different pain patches(fentanyl) and something else and 84 dillaudid for 2 wks. Now during withdrawals my father said some of the most horribly mean things to my mother, my sister, me and anything else in his line of vision. He repeatedly told us how this was all our faults and alls he wants to do is die so on and so forth. I heard the words he was saying but I knew it wasnt him it was the withdrawal, not that that makes it ok just fact. A few days after his visit to the ER he was extremely apologetic and remourseful. This is my dad I cannot walk away from him. As for your situation with your fiance I think you have to accept the fact that this will be a lifelong battle the temptations and urges will always be there somewhere. If you believe in your fiance and he believes in himself enough to commit to treatment and support try it. But remember also that he does not have the right to degrade you he is angry, frustrated and disgusted with himself, not you. I always tell my dad to look in the mirror and bitch because he did it to himself. I also take his car keys and leave him be until he is coherant enough to speak to me in decent matter. After 3-7 days(in my experience) the worst of it is over and there is no excuse for harsh words from the withdrawal after that. I dont know if all this makes sense the past week or so has been extremely crazy for me. My dad is still in a terrible place but getting better each day with many ups and downs just hoping he can get some sleep soon. I really believe in counseling and support groups because well at least my Dad and many other sites and blogs I've read the addicts going through withdrawal really do feel alone helpless angy lost and just down right depressed. I would love for this pain dr. to have some sort of consequence for prescribing such ridiclous amounts of meds because if he did this to my dad I am sure that their are many more addicts that go to him to feed their addictions and it is wrong. While my Dad has to own this adiction and work hard to fix it if the dr did his job he would have seen the signs and done something about it. Good Luck to you and best wishes to your fiance
my husband also has failed back surgery and is an addict .he take 4 number 10 percs a day.and 3 morphine sulphate pills.i hold the pills for him.but he begs to take 2 percs at a time saying it knocks the pain down.i think he'll be on these for lfe.it makes me so sad.
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Old 05-30-2012, 01:16 AM
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my husband also has failed back surgery and is an addict .he take 4 number 10 percs a day.and 3 morphine sulphate pills.i hold the pills for him.but he begs to take 2 percs at a time saying it knocks the pain down.i think he'll be on these for lfe.it makes me so sad.
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Old 05-30-2012, 06:58 AM
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Hang in there.... going through same thing right now.. my husband just started withdrawl on the 7th and has been on a roller coaster of normal husband and nasty husband. For at least the last week he has been horrible and blaming most of his addiction and the problems that go along with it on me. I have talked to a family member that is a nurse in a detox ward and she has told me its to be expected.. they are still coming out of the fog and its in the air how long it lasts... hugs your way... I know how you feel. At the same rate your not a punching bag and dont deserve to be beaten down so stand your ground as well.
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Old 05-30-2012, 07:34 AM
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Time is the only thing that will answer this question. Perhaps a better question would be how long is too long for you? Time takes time. What are you doing for you to help you cope with his addiction?

gentle hugs
ke
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