My boyfriend is a heroin addict

Old 08-03-2012, 07:12 AM
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I'm baaaaaack

So I've taken all of your advice to heart, and decided not to move in with him. And while part of me is disappointed that I won't be picking out couches and curtains anytime soon, I'm relieved. He leaves the sober house in 4 weeks and will go live at his mother's house. I'm a little nervous because she lives in a neighborhood where he knows everyone (he grew up in this house), and everyone he knows in that town is heavily involved with drugs. His mother told me this morning that she's going to drug test him randomly and if he refuses to take a test, or doesn't pass a test, he'll be out.
I'm fighting so hard not to slip back into my codependent thoughts about worrying if he's going to relapse once he gets out of the sober house next month. It's hard to push those thoughts out of my head sometimes.
However, I'm reading Codependent No More and loving it. It helps quiet my mind when I feel like I'm getting onto one of those emotional roller coasters again.

Just thought I'd give you all an update on my status. Can you believe it's been 6 months since all of this happened?! I can feel myself changing and growing stronger. And it's a direct result of all of you!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

XO
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Old 08-03-2012, 12:14 PM
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I find when my codie alter ego rears it's ugly head, taking a deep breath and reciting a little mantra helps me. "If you worried about YOURSELF as much as you worry about HIM, how much happier would you be?" Whatever gets you throught it! I will say that your codie alter will come back. Be sure you're armed and kill it on sight.
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:15 PM
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I will say that your codie alter will come back. Be sure you're armed and kill it on sight.

Nerdy Girl.......priceless!!!!
(thank you)
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:12 AM
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Here I am again...no surprise for any of you, I'm sure.

So my boyfriend left the sober house abruptly last month because he was "sick of it".
So he came home to live at his mother's house. "We" found a puppy, so now I have something that ties me to him (good or bad? I don't know how I feel about it).

But anyways, on Friday we were going to be going away to his family's house in Maine which isn't too far from where we live (about a 2 hour drive) for the long weekend. I get to his house at 5:30pm on Friday, call him to ask where he is because his car isn't there, and he says that he's going to pick up one of our mutual friends who lives a few towns away because this guy was coming with us to Maine. So an hour passes, I call, he says that he's at this guy's house talking to his father. Another hour passes, I call, he says he's still at this guy's house. Finally, after three hours of waiting, they come back to the house. They walk in with empty beer cans, throw them in the trash, and I quickly get a look at my boyfriend and I can tell that something is weird. He looks different. He looks high. So I say to him, "come here, I want to see you" because I was in the light, and wanted to get a look at his eyes. He quickly goes outside (it's dark out) and says that we need to get on the road already because it's late. So I open the car door and the light inside the car goes on and I can see his eyes and immediately know he's high. I ask and he says that he's had a couple of beers and he swears up and down he's not high. He's nodding off at the wheel so I make him pull over, and he opens the car door and throws up on the side of the highway. He then admits that he's high and he took a percocet. He's nodding off the entire ride to Maine, we get up there and he's throwing up outside. He finally tells me what happened. His story is:
This friend of his that was coming to Maine with us came over and said he was dope sick and asked my boyfriend if he knew anyone who sold heroin. Apparently my boyfriend called all of these people he used to know and couldn't find any, so this guy found someone in Brockton that he knows and the both of them drove to Brockton, got high, and then came back to his house and we left for Maine. My boyfriend says that he didn't even want to get high and he was just giving this guy a ride there because he doesn't have a license. But I guess once he saw the heroin, he wanted to get high. He swears up and down that he doesn't want to do this and he's never doing it again and it's not even enjoyable because he just gets sick all the time.
But I know deep down that heroin isn't a drug you can just pick up and put down whenever you feel like it. If he isn't high everyday, he will be very soon.

I don't even know what to think. I'm disgusted. Then when I talked to him last night about how he did heroin on Friday and won't even go to any AA/NA meetings, and he needs to go and blah blah blah he tells me that I'm "dwelling on the past". I said to him that I'm not stupid and I know that you can't just decide you're going to do heroin one time and that's it, and he said that he "can and obviously has done it".

His mother is going to drug test him tomorrow I think, so we'll see then if he's still high.

I want to die. I feel like, I've waited for almost a year for him to be clean/sober and now, within 1 month of getting out of the sober house, he's back on heroin again.

What a vicious cycle. I'm destroyed.
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Old 09-05-2012, 09:47 AM
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You knew he was high and you got in the car with him driving?
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Old 09-05-2012, 10:20 AM
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I'm so sorry Pock!!! Heroin is such a heartbreaker. I feel your disappointment . So what is your plan?
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:33 PM
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I don't really have one yet. I know it sounds sick, but I kind of want to wait and see if he uses again before I leave.

I don't know what else to say...
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Old 09-05-2012, 01:40 PM
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Well, nothing has to be "done" today of course. But thinking about different scenarios and defining your boundaries in accordance is a decent place to start. Maybe hit up a few meetings and hang out here. Oh, and don't forget to have some cheesecake. (((hugs)))
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Old 09-05-2012, 02:13 PM
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Pock89, I am so sorry!

The good news is that you have grown so much - you are making good choices for you, and you have the tools to continue to do so. It's natural for you to be heartbroken, but keep your wits about you.

Perhaps this "slip" was just the "slip that prevents a fall" and your boyfriend will decide he doesn't want to go back to that life...and embrace true recovery. Or perhaps he still needs to go back out and do more field work. Only time will tell - but only you know how long you are willing to put your life on hold to see what the next act brings.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 09-05-2012, 02:24 PM
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his attitude around having used does not speak recovery at all...he sounds flippant, flagrant, cocky and uncaring.

my boundaries wouldn't allow for such a thing

it just makes life so ugly, so boring, so sick, so selfish, so so so so so so so so .....
on and on and on blah blah blah blah
yeah, fun...shove a needle in your arm, who cares about anything else.
get high, get sick, nod off
real fun
real romantic
exciting stuff
are you done with it yet?
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Old 09-05-2012, 02:25 PM
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who cares about a drug test????
he already told you he used,
not that he had to...pretty obvious
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Old 09-05-2012, 03:55 PM
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He used. He admitted it, an you din't need a drug test to see that. He also left the sober living house early, right? That doesn't sound like someone in recovery. He also drove high putting everyone at risk. And he drove high with you in the car.
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Old 12-20-2012, 11:18 AM
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Back again. I ended up moving in with him at the end of October. Of course, no surprise, he ended up back in detox about 2 weeks ago.

The verbal abuse had gotten to a point where I was getting nervous and scared of him. Afraid he may harm me. So yesterday morning, I decided I needed to move out of the apartment we had together. He left while I was packing, to go get high. I had mostly everything packed and was just bringing stuff out to the car when he sent me a text and asked me if I was still there. I said yes. He asked me if I was alone, and I didn't answer him. He walked into the house about 5 minutes later and started screaming, degrading me, putting me down, and saying some extremely hurtful things. He told me he couldn't stand me, hated me, never wanted to see me again, and said he wanted me to leave immediately. I told him that I was going to leave as soon as I got my stuff together. He then got enraged and started pushing me and shoving me out the door, telling me to get out right now. He slammed my arm into the wall (which immediately became swollen) and I told him that I was going to call the police. He said "Why? You don't have a scratch on you, I didn't touch you." And then he said "I should punch you in your face."
I grabbed the rest of my things and got out of the house. I went to the police station and told them that I wanted to just put it on record that there was a physical altercation. I wanted to do that just in case something else happened, they would have it on record that it wasn't just out of the blue. I told them he was high on heroin. The police went to the apartment and arrested him. I gave them a written statement, they took pictures of my swollen and bruised arm, and told me he would be in custody all night. They said they would call me if he made bail.

Today, his father sectioned him and he's away until Feb 1. He also said "he's not a violent person, so I don't know how bad it really was." This infuriates me because I feel like, his son put his hands on me, it was obviously bad enough to injure me since my arm was swollen, he was high on heroin when it happened, and the police obviously thought there was good reason to go and arrest him. I feel like his father is making less of the situation than it really is. I mean, I guess it really doesn't matter too much about his family or anything since I do not want anything more to do with his family or him. However, I'm hurt that he didn't even ask me if I was okay...

I'm wondering if anyone knows anything about what happens in a situation like this. Does the court order him not to contact me anymore? Just wondering if I should follow up with a no contact order, if that is automatically in place.

I'm destroyed.
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Old 12-20-2012, 11:40 AM
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I am sorry you got hurt again. Addiction is pure evil. I think you should call the police about what happens next.. They will probably give you the states attorney to call for more info.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:34 PM
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Now is the time to follow up with a restraining order, and, go completely no contact. He has showed you who he is...believe it.
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:27 AM
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It's been a few days since all of this happened and I still feel shaken to the core. I keep second guessing my decision to call the police. Did I blow everything out of proportion? He kept swearing up and down that the was clean, but his parents sectioned him. What if he really was clean, and now he's sectioned? And then I stop to think, he put his hands on me. Granted, he didn't punch me in the face. He shoved me around, but I know that abuse usually gets worse. I'm so angry, but I'm so sad. I feel like I miss him, but I'm almost relieved his away from me.
I have so many thoughts running through my head.
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Old 12-22-2012, 09:06 AM
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Take a big step back and read your original post. Is this the life you want? Is he going to be the father of your children? Can you really trust him?

Why are you doing this to yourself? Read the posts here and see your future in the mistakes of others who suffered many years at the hands of an addict. Now they say "I am free", "I am happy for the first time in my life". or they say "I am worried for our children, he has no job and I am worried he will hurt me or the kids", "we have no money and we are losing our house, what should I do"

The last time I looked, a relationship was a 2 way street. Unless of course you're his mother. Are you?
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:41 PM
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This conflict has gone nuclear.He attacked you.He hurt you.
You responded appropriately.DO NOT second guess your actions.

He's not allowed to hurt you.Ever.Period.End of story.

(this is a no humor thread)
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Old 12-29-2012, 05:09 PM
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Did I blow everything out of proportion?
Normal people dont shove others and injure their arms. So No you did not blow things out of proportion. Why are you second guessing your fear and injuries?

Granted, he didn't punch me in the face.
Do you need him to punch your face in order for you to leave him? It's a ridiculous thought right?

Pock, YOU are harming yourself. Your boyfriend is the way he is. He is a drug addict. There is no reasoning with him. At some point, you need to take responsibility for putting yourself in harm's way. No more excuses. It's time to get out.

It's been almost 2 years since I left my heroin addict ex. Time and space has made me realize and accept the fact that ultimately I was responsible for putting myself in harm's way. So many warning signs and lies were thrown at me and I refused to see them. Who can I blame but me?

You cannot blame a wild animal for biting you. Just like you should know that drug addicts will hurt you emotionally and physically. He need not punch you in the face for you to be physically hurt. He is already killing you physically with all the stress you're being put under, but at your choice because you choose to have this person in your life.

Get help. Counseling, meetings... whatever it takes. I say this with love, but at some point, the problem isnt your boyfriend anymore but its you. NO ONE is allowed to hurt you unless you let them.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:39 AM
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My gf is going throught the samething best thing to do is just let them go and let god take over and hope for the best
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