Divided Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 7
Divided Again
Our 19yr old daughter is the one thing that comes between my husband and I. Honestly, until recently I dont' think either of us truly realized that she is a full blown heavy drug addict that is into some really bad stuff with some really bad people.
Our current situation is this:
Social Services has our grandchild and they are going to give the baby to us but they want her in treatment first to alleviate any concerns about her coming to our home and trying to take off with the baby. There is no possible way they will give her the baby back unless she is in a long term treatment facility.
My husband and I had decided together last week that the only involvement we would have with her is to drive her to a treatment facility or hospital.
Our daughter has had several opportunities of places that she could go to RIGHT NOW TODAY. However, she keeps making excuses that she has this to do or that to do and she is continuing to run around with the same people and seeking out the same things.
My husband says he's going to give her until next week and that he will continue to talk to her or assist her in accomplishing tasks (faxing applications, getting health exam) to get her into a place.
I feel angry because I think she is manipulating him and it feels like we are in constant emotional upheaval with him still communicating with her. And I feel angry because she loves it when she can get him to talk to her when she knows that I won't.
My husband feels like he is being reasonable and giving her a reasonable amount of time to complete things and to assist her in doing so.
I feel like this is more of her games that he is allowing her to play and I feel like she might have more motivation if she was truly cut off from all of us.
Please opine.
I'm trying to settle my nerves and my anger!
Our current situation is this:
Social Services has our grandchild and they are going to give the baby to us but they want her in treatment first to alleviate any concerns about her coming to our home and trying to take off with the baby. There is no possible way they will give her the baby back unless she is in a long term treatment facility.
My husband and I had decided together last week that the only involvement we would have with her is to drive her to a treatment facility or hospital.
Our daughter has had several opportunities of places that she could go to RIGHT NOW TODAY. However, she keeps making excuses that she has this to do or that to do and she is continuing to run around with the same people and seeking out the same things.
My husband says he's going to give her until next week and that he will continue to talk to her or assist her in accomplishing tasks (faxing applications, getting health exam) to get her into a place.
I feel angry because I think she is manipulating him and it feels like we are in constant emotional upheaval with him still communicating with her. And I feel angry because she loves it when she can get him to talk to her when she knows that I won't.
My husband feels like he is being reasonable and giving her a reasonable amount of time to complete things and to assist her in doing so.
I feel like this is more of her games that he is allowing her to play and I feel like she might have more motivation if she was truly cut off from all of us.
Please opine.
I'm trying to settle my nerves and my anger!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
As nice as it would be for parents to always be on the same page about everything, remember that you are two separate people who are each trying to deal with a difficult situation in the best way that you each know how. My AD forced me and my H to see that we had different boundaries and coping mechanisms. Ulitmately, AD crossed all of our combined boundaries before we could agree that she had to go. It wasn't ideal but we learned that fighting between ourselves only made things worse.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I think this is another part of dealing with an addict. There are so many aspects. Currently, I am dealing with the xah family. They are all in denial and avoid. Anyways, its not always about just dealing with the addict, its also about dealing with those who love the addict and the different way in which they handle the situation. Its painful. I'm having a hard time with it myself. All I can say is try to not to let it tear you both apart, and try to be there for each other...somehow...someway! 
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Blah blah blah is all I am hearing from her.
She doesn't intend to go at all. And that is a shame considering that her daughter is going to be in foster care until she goes.
This really has nothing to do with you and your husband. It's between her and the state. And she is so far gone that she really thinks she can stay out of a facility.
It's not going to last that long. Social services doesn't play with kids. If she EVER wants to see her daughter again, she is going to have to go.
So don't give up yet. Hopefully she will see this is the only chance she has to be the mother she was meant to be.
She doesn't intend to go at all. And that is a shame considering that her daughter is going to be in foster care until she goes.
This really has nothing to do with you and your husband. It's between her and the state. And she is so far gone that she really thinks she can stay out of a facility.
It's not going to last that long. Social services doesn't play with kids. If she EVER wants to see her daughter again, she is going to have to go.
So don't give up yet. Hopefully she will see this is the only chance she has to be the mother she was meant to be.
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