Parents needing advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: WI
Posts: 16
Thanks everyone for your helpful advice. It's great to get ideas from "veteran" parents who have been through these battles before.
I ended up calling my son over the weekend to follow up on his arrangements to get the rest of his things moved out of the house. He gave short answers to my questions about how he is doing, probably because his roommate was right next to him. He didn't try to manipulate me or ask for anything, which is good.
I told him I loved him, and that's about it. Can't take much from the conversation, but I don't know if I want to know any more than if he has a bed to sleep on, food to eat, etc. We've made up our minds that he is on his own until he decides to make a full commitment toward recovery, which to us means a trip straight to rehab, and then living in a SLE far away from our town, and away from his friends.
I ended up calling my son over the weekend to follow up on his arrangements to get the rest of his things moved out of the house. He gave short answers to my questions about how he is doing, probably because his roommate was right next to him. He didn't try to manipulate me or ask for anything, which is good.
I told him I loved him, and that's about it. Can't take much from the conversation, but I don't know if I want to know any more than if he has a bed to sleep on, food to eat, etc. We've made up our minds that he is on his own until he decides to make a full commitment toward recovery, which to us means a trip straight to rehab, and then living in a SLE far away from our town, and away from his friends.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
So sorry to hear about yet another family ruined because of drugs.
My son is almost 50 years old and I have hung in there since he began drugs at age 16.
I've learned a lot along the way and most of what I have learned was right here from my wise friends that have gone through this both before me and with me. We had a lot of sad times but also a lot of laughs along the way. I think what keeps us all going is the laughs we have had.
You asked a few questions about your 18 year old. How great that you know to set boundaries already. It took me years to get to that point.
You are right to not allow him in your home alone. You are right to let him make his own decisions (living with a drug addict). You are right to not give him money!! You are right not to argue with him about his drug use (believe me it serves no purpose). Just have to keep telling him you love him, but refuse to support his habit in any way. No sense trying to give him advice because he won't listen anyway.
In short, it's his journey and his alone. When he is ready to listen, you will know it. Do not deprive him of his lessons because, if you do, it will just take longer for him to recover.
My advice is to continue to tell him you love him, but until he is ready for recovery, there cannot be a relationship. Encourage him to get help.
I waited years for my son to come around. The bad news is it took so long. The good news is I'm still around to see him finally recovering.
Hugs, Devastated
My son is almost 50 years old and I have hung in there since he began drugs at age 16.
I've learned a lot along the way and most of what I have learned was right here from my wise friends that have gone through this both before me and with me. We had a lot of sad times but also a lot of laughs along the way. I think what keeps us all going is the laughs we have had.
You asked a few questions about your 18 year old. How great that you know to set boundaries already. It took me years to get to that point.
You are right to not allow him in your home alone. You are right to let him make his own decisions (living with a drug addict). You are right to not give him money!! You are right not to argue with him about his drug use (believe me it serves no purpose). Just have to keep telling him you love him, but refuse to support his habit in any way. No sense trying to give him advice because he won't listen anyway.
In short, it's his journey and his alone. When he is ready to listen, you will know it. Do not deprive him of his lessons because, if you do, it will just take longer for him to recover.
My advice is to continue to tell him you love him, but until he is ready for recovery, there cannot be a relationship. Encourage him to get help.
I waited years for my son to come around. The bad news is it took so long. The good news is I'm still around to see him finally recovering.
Hugs, Devastated
<3 RB u saved my heart <3
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: VA moving back to CA
Posts: 72
this is just my opinion, but I would say keep telephone contact, just because you never know when it's our last day. but just tell him the only help you can offer is to take him to get some help/detox.i wouldnt give any money or anything else. you gave him the choice of living in your house under your rules.he chose not to.and i agree with the comments above about changing your locks. i would also lock up any money you have around the house when you are not home just in case.
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