steve1840

it's been a while since i have checked in and wanted to say hello to my friends here. because i was keeping my distance from my situation, i had to keep my distance here too as i wanted to be free of all things related to this. i had not talked much to my alo for a couple weeks. i finally FINALLY said i had enough and that she had to find her way without me. she went ot the seven meeting in seven days and the seven classes in seven days and got back into her program. she called from the place and i took the call. she sounds like a different person. i know its early, and i am not looking for hte fantasy to come true, but it was really really nice after all this time to hear the voice i once knew. it was nice hearing her so enthusiastic about recovery. i hope she continues to embrace it as i have to continue my own.

wicked

Hello Steve,
Always glad to hear from you.
Yes, it is very very early, but, if this is the longest she has been sober, then that is a miracle right there.
Steve, stay in this moment, it's nice to hear her sounding enthusiastic, and like a different person. This is good stuff, but only for now.
No expectations!

Expectations have broken my heart many times. Many times.

Your friend,
Beth

:ghug3

steve1840

hey wicked-

yes i am trying to maintain the here and now. i was actually concerned that she sounded too enthused, like this is a manic episode that is bound to taper off and that is when things will get harder for her. right now it is so new to her. but to hear her say that she feels like she wasted so much time and hurt so many people is good. i hope that she can keep it up.

she met a great girl at a meeting who became her sponsor. this person is her age and they have a lot in common. she has just made it a year clean. when my alo wanted to come back here i said i would not help with that. the sponsor agreed to let her stay with her so she could do her classes and meetings. she also was very adamant about my alo and her need to become friends with females to avoid any weird distractions. it's just refreshing to hear her realize that she always sought the wrong kind of attention and always looked for an escape through wine, weed and later hard drugs.

no expectations, but keeping my fingers crossed and my heart guarded.

wicked

That sounds like a good sponsor, definitely keep the distractions out of the picture!

Yes, wait for the actions to catch up with the words.

Beth

zoso77

I hope this works out for you, Steve.

A friendly note of caution: we always want the best for those we love. But sometimes, those we love (especially an addict in early recovery) may not be able to be what we want them to be. Be honest with yourself in terms of what you're feeling, and be honest with yourself in terms of what you're seeing.

I'm always here to talk...especially for a fellow Zeppelin freak.

ZoSo

steve1840

hey zoso-

so far what i am seeing is that this is the first time i have seen her take recovery this seriously. this is the first time she actually worked on the things she needed to do to get there. i do not expect anything at this point, but day by day i am glad she made it another day. as for what i am feeling, i really am not sure. basically the way this place works is that she is staying in the shelter until a permanent bed opens. so, on the weekend she is on her own. her sponsor picked her and some other girls up sat and they went to a couple meetings and then got dropped off at the shelter again. i am feeling a little disappointed that she did not call as she said she would, but i am remembering what i have heard about recovery. so i am glad she is making friends with other women in recovery and taking it seriously. in a way i guess it is good for us both to have this space. i feel very happy for her as i have not heard her sound this well in a long long time. but there is the part of me that would have loved to hear from her. i know i will. i am just trying not to read anything into it.

here are few cool old live zep vids:

Led Zeppelin 1969 live [HD] - Communication Breakdown - Dazed and confused - Check sound (Paris) - YouTube

Led Zeppelin ~ Live ~ Whole Lotta Love ~ 1970 ~ HD - YouTube

Led Zeppelin - Tous en Scene 1969 - Part III - YouTube

zoso77

Oh, man...links to the mighty Zeppelin! You rock!!

If I may share a lesson with you (and anyone that reads this)...

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come to appreciate that if things hadn't imploded with my AXGF, I would not be experiencing the personal growth I am now. My personal growth I mean challenging myself, getting out of my comfort zone, and doing things -- professionally and musically -- that are challenging. Yes, I had "detached with love" with my AXGF, but I was still locked into a situation with her where it was all encompassing and, frankly, exhausting. Because there was always some sort of chaos going on with her. Now that I'm free of that, not only am I OK with it, I'm happier.

I don't mean to imply that you (or anyone) would be happier without the addict in your life. What I do mean is we have to take care of ourselves, and we need to do things that make us grow. Take advantage of this period of time, Steve. Look outward. Challenge yourself. Don't stand still. It's a big world out there. Maybe you can dip your big toe in it...

Thanks for the links, Steve. And best of luck to you and your GF.

ZoSo

steve1840

so while i am continuing to work on me and have been doing pretty good living my life again, i was wondering what to expect during this time of recovery. last night i was thinking of all the stuff i need to keep processing and to get over. and that made me think how much she has to deal with and that it can't be easy. so i plan to just step back and see what happens. of course i want a fix to hear from her, but i am not able to do anything about that anyway. i understand that recovery is as selfish as addiction, but at least in a good way.

MsPINKAcres

((Steve))

Just a gentle suggestion ~ try to keep your main focus on your recovery, your progress, your program, what's healthy, sane and safe for you!

Remember you deserve the very very best, not sloppy seconds!!!

Just my e, s, & h!
PINK HUGS,
Rita

steve1840

yeah, i appreciate that. it's weird that there feels like there is more space now or that there is just as much uncertainty. except for the periods when i was not taking her calls, this is the longest we have gone without talking in a while.

Live

Steve, you have been in the habit of thinking about her for a very long time, that doesn't just magically go away, however the longer the time passes, frankly the better it is for both of you.
You both have an established "dance" a dynamic, so it sneaks in whenever you communicate. It takes a LONG time for that habit to pass.
I have some people that it will never be long enough.
The distance now will have it's sad moments, it's hopeful moments, it's turmoil...but the longer it goes one the more it passes and you can re-normalize. You are worth that!

December2011

Steve,
Just wanted to drop in and tell you that I have read a lot of your posts, and I guess I haven’t really been able to give any advice that would be wise enough to help. But I wanted to let you know that you seem like a great person with a huge heart. Your GF is lucky and I hope the absolute best for you.

laurie6781

Steve there is something else you are going to have to prepare yourself for.

Many addicts and/or alkies once they do hit recovery, find as the months go on in their recovery that it becomes the best thing for them to do is remove ALL old friends and acquaintances from their lives and start over.

You are still 'planning' your future with her in it. What will you do when she moves on and you are not in it?

Think about it. Isn't it time to FINALLY stop relying, hoping, dreaming of her in your future and JUST FOR ONCE WORK ON YOU AND ONLY YOU?

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ps: nothing changes if nothing changes. that short period of no contact didn't mean a thing to you, and now you are 'waiting for her call' sheesh Steve we 'attract' people to us by our 'insides' and the 'sicker' we are the 'sicker' are those we attract. Best fix your own insides and then see what comes your way.

steve1840

yeah, this is a stark possibility and the cause of my feeling off again. i did recently join a gym with a pool and stem and sauna which i really enjoy. i do miss hearing from her. she was 11 or so days clean before she went back into the place and was sounding really good and i liked talking to her then. so, i miss that. but this adjustment is new, and i will be ok.

NTurn

Steve, your taking it day by day I totally understand that, that's all we can do. I know I do with my sister also..Being positive for her hoping the good vibes make it through & pray for that little miracle at the end ( wish i had a magic wand ) You will be okay. Look after yourself and always trust your instincts 99% of the time they will be bang on..whats meant for you wont pass you by. Wishing you all the best

fourmaggie

i think its great that she went....

still its about YOU...

best wishes!