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Old 02-22-2012, 10:00 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Wow, for someone with no plans I just wrote quite the plan!
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:06 AM
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Oh, dear Windmills, I confused you with my post for I did not intend at all to say you are doing anything wrong today.

What I tried to say was that his addiction wants you to enable it, to agree to everything he wants, it wants to abuse you and to abuse him.

I was trying to illustrate how addiction works to gets what it wants.

I hoped if I showed you things from that viewpoint it would firm up your resolve to keep doing what you are doing: to not go back, to continue to get help, to keep moving on.

Your posts said that you were wavering, that you were thinking with your heart and thinking about being with him. How much you missed him, how lonely you are.

I wanted to help you see that by not enabling him, you are helping to save him.

So I do apologize for saying that in a way that hurt you, for my true intent was to help you stay away.

You have had far enough hurt already.

So God bless you and may you feel better and stronger every day.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:25 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thankyu for clarifying. I think I'm just touchy over the subject of my daughter and tend to be hostile and get on the defensive straight away. Which, terracing, is my issue rather than anything from your post.
Rereading your post without my own hostility I do understand your intentions. So thankyou x
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:04 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Kelley- are you from the NW? It's a small world, I came across someone from the same area as me on here a few months ago!

Hi windmill

No, I'm not from the NW ~ down more London way... But i rarely see anyone from UK on here. I'm living in USA now...so no matter I guess.
Me and BF were over there about 2 weeks before his relapse; I had to show him London at Xmas; plus we went to see Noel G.
He was asking me where Beatles were from; Liverpool of course; what they don't teach in US schools / haha

The question you posed; letting go of the past; but not thinking of the future?
I've been thinking on that one... Don't have an answer except maybe once your learn the lessons from the experiences of the past; you have to let that anger and hurt go; for your own sanity. And the future... I think we should always think of the future, but unless out of necessity (like danger, violence) we need to not act when we are overly emotional. Just move slowly and not shut doors firmly behind us; or rush into new situations that might not be what we need once our emotions calm. But I'm not a 12 stepper so that may not be what they had in mind at all !

Praying for you and your family.
Kel
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Old 02-22-2012, 04:54 PM
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English, your words hit a wake-up nerve with me. Thank you. Very good stuff. My AS is all of that and then some. I've had a little success with detaching recently, but the old "mom will fix it" tries to pop up regularly. Knowing that it is best for HIM if I don't give and give, helps me rethink what I do.
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Old 02-22-2012, 05:07 PM
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You have done the right thing to remove yourself and your daughter from his life...doing the right thing is sometimes painful, but it's always the right thing just the same.

The pain won't last forever, better days are ahead for you if you stay focused on staying healthy and living a life worth living. Your daughter will benefit from your good decisions.

Keeping you all in my prayers, this must be very difficult for you.

Hugs
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