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Crazy Head Space

Old 02-19-2012, 09:51 AM
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Crazy Head Space

Good Morning All,

I know things are getting better day by day... I guess I'm looking for that feeling of inner peace that I haven't had for about 2 years. All of these residual-negative thoughts about my AHBF (ex now) are really popping up. Old memories some good MOST BAD are making there way to the top and Its painful to see and process it all. Im finally having those angry...let me throw all of his stuff in the trash and burn it all (LOL) crazy thoughts are here. The need to trash talk about him and how much of an A-hole he is... This has never really been me and in fact up to about 3 weeks ago had been very cordial with him. Always returned what he asked for and never was really angry. I feel out of control and have been reading the sticky's, they aren't really helping, I think because I cant read and process them in a positive way. I just want him to know how much pain I'm in and that I haven't forgotten all the awful things he put me through.

and yes I know I'm a codie and usually I do take responsibility for what my part in this all was, I guess I'm just plain ANGRY!!! and I hope this faze passes soon as this anger is not good and it's making me ill. Any thoughts.. I find that you guys sometimes give me different perspectives or at least can relate...
Thanks

Q
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Old 02-19-2012, 10:54 AM
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It was really difficult to work through my anger when I first got into recovery. I grew up in a home where it was not okay to express anger, so I suppressed it for many years.

There are a few tools I was given to help me work through anger. I would roll up socks into a ball and throw them as hard as I could against a wall, envisioning that the wall was whoever I was mad at.

Also early in therapy I was given a plastic bat and a pillow to beat on.

Those were pretty intense for me, and I literally threw up after the first time I used balled up socks. So much anger came pouring out. I felt really wiped out the rest of that day, but felt so much better the next day.

I have also found it incredibly helpful over the years to write a letter to whoever I am angry with, put it aside, revisit it in a week (make any changes or additions I want) and continue this cycle until I feel that it is done. Then I burn it and release my anger.

Anger is one of the stages of grief and I suspect that is where you are right now, still grieving.

Sending you hugs of support.
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