help! need some answeres

Old 02-17-2012, 01:58 PM
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help! need some answeres

well i been having suspicions my boyfriend is doing pills again. Im really thinking its time to get rid of him. im getting sick of the lieing sneaking around and dating sites his on. ever since his brother got out of jail his been hanging around him which his brother was in jail for selling btw. And now he is using again he was clean for three months before his brother came out. its that people places and things happening now. im not suppose to be snooping but i do cause i know something is up. so how would i confront him? Proving that i know he is doing it again i think thats my main thing is calling him out on it so i dont look stupid yeah i know sound ******** but thats pretty much how i want to do it. if anyone has any help for me please. thank you!!
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Old 02-17-2012, 02:37 PM
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You don't sound stupid or ********, although he may try to convince you that you are in order to cover his tracks.

Sweetie, we know what we know, we don't have to prove anything to anyone. Your concern is valid and your instincts won't lie to you.

What matters most here is how you want to spend the rest of your life? With someone who lies, cheats and commits crimes?

I think you deserve much better than this. Have you tried any meetings? They may help you find your self-esteem again, they may help you see that you are not insane, you are just living in an insane situation...I know because I have lived there too.

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Old 02-17-2012, 02:48 PM
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i want to spend it with a person that loves me. i was married once and that man treated me like gold. loved me for me i saw him again cause his parents live next to me and made me realize what i lost and now im struggling cause i really want that back but just not with my ex husband.. and of course i know i wont get it from my bf now. i tried one meeting and no one was there. because it was raining.. i have bad anxiety about people judging me cause i am so young and have three kids and basically been through more then what a 22 year old should of went through. but i deffinatly think im gonna go to one. i know my bfs old sponsor will help me out with it. and thank you so much justhearing someone say i deserve so much better makes more of a impact each time
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:36 PM
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Nothing is more frustrating than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give ~Melody Beattie~

Your boyfriend is probably incapable of treating you like gold, but you still deserve someone who will.

Don't give up on the meetings. I promise you that not one person there will judge you. You may be surprised to see someone there just like you, who has been where you are and who will share how she found peace. That's just how it works.

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Old 02-17-2012, 05:32 PM
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im gonna try to start going. i really need some help. my mom says i make it worse for me each time i snoop cause i find out more. even though i know what i am gonna find.. its fun in away for some sick reason but it fustrating at the same time. i mean i didnt like him when he was clean number one he told me he was unattracted to me sexually. kinda dont like him when hes doped up either lol. i think im mainly staying with him because im so tired of going through the court system with my two older kids and really dont wanna do it with my daughter that i have with him. i mean theres no way in proving he is the way he is to the courts. and theres plenty of crap out there to fake a clean **** test. and he knows that cause he use to do it. so either i dont know what to do.. cause im so scared my daughter will be around it even though she is around it now but i am here to hide it kinda thing. my thoughts are racing and have so much to say but thats little of the situation
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Old 02-19-2012, 11:46 PM
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I always wanted to let my ExAB know that I knew when he was lying, being shady, and using. For some insane reason I thought that could control or cure the situation. Almost like saying "listen buddy I know your game and your BS so you might as well give it up for good now that your busted."

All that happened each time is he lied more, then yelled, then said horrible mean things, them cried, and when all of those didn't get the result he wanted he either when way below the belt with a mean remark or got so verbally and physically intimidating that I just broke down. There you go..the addict won!!!

So it's not worth it. It won't change a thing. It will just cause more drama lies games and distruction. Time for you to love yourself more than him.

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Old 02-20-2012, 06:07 AM
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he is kinda the same way i confronted him about a couple things and drugs. the drugs i told him so if i gave you a pee test you would pass it. he was like yup. then it was about the dating sites i actually took a picture of the site on my phone and sent it to him and showed him when he got home. i got yelled at saying stop trying to find things to get me in trouble. if all else fails he will just leave after a argument. thats always coming out of his mouth i will live at my dads. sometimes i just wanna say go ahead. but then that means my daughter wont be with me at some points and then i get that worry like who is she with? cause i know he cant take care of her. he gets to fustrated when she cries and stuff. its a hassle for him to even help with the children after work. i can see that im making every excuse in the book as im typing this. but how am i suppose to get over the fact of my baby leaving me and not knowing.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:24 PM
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Is this the same guy who was unemployed last summer? The same guy who could not make a financial contribution to his own child or family's well being, yet spent money on pills?

Has anything changed?

People in active addiction are not competent to parent. Nothing good can come of this.

The courts routinely arrange for supervised visitation between compromised parent and child and the expense of supervision is borne by the compromised party.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:28 PM
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yes i have done that with my two older childrens dads but i had proof of his drug abuse cause he was caught. now with him i dont have no proof except for what i find and how can i prove that in court? thats my problem if i had proof then it would be easy but i don't and like i said he knows to take his flush before he goes to court cause thats what i have told him about my ex which i should of never did cause i didnt think it would come to this.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:40 PM
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Well, first things first....can you start the ball rolling on court-ordered child support?
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:35 PM
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yes i can.
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:41 PM
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The interests of competent mothers like you and the children come before the self interests of big ole adult babies.
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:51 PM
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ill have to talk to my lawyer and get the ball rolling and see what he says if i have a chance on getting suprivised visits. and i def know child support i been through all of this with my ex and my two children i have with him. he had a drug problem to. i pick the winners. lol i think its me trying to fix them but i def know now i cant fix people i got to fix myself.
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:26 PM
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so everyone just wanted to update! he is out. he lied to me said he was going to a friends and came home and i asked him where he got this stuff he brought home at and he told me he was with him brother and brothers girlfriend!
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