Freedom1990

We are just starting week 4 of my AD living with me, and I can honestly say I feel good.

I had a day earlier this week where I was really feeling "crowded" and realized that sometimes I need to vocalize my needs. I have a bad habit of thinking that people already know my needs, so I'm working on that.

I sat AD down, and explained to her what my daily routine has been like for the most part since becoming an empty-nester.

My computer room is where I start my mornings, doing my daily readings, and I'm there most of the day off and on.

It's my space, my personal place of comfort.

Lately she had taken to sitting in the computer room with me a lot (there is a rocker-glider behind my desk in the corner), wanting to chat or just watching me.

I told her I was working hard on expressing my needs vs. expecting people to know them. My personal space is a big need for me, and I was starting to feeling intruded on and cramped.

I was calm and respectful, and made some suggestions such as her reading a book (she is an avid reader) if she has completed chores.

I again reiterated (and will continue to do so) that May 1st is the target date for her to move out, and that I am not obligated to hold to that date should the current situation become too stressful for me.

I also told her I enjoy spending time with her (which I have thus far), but this is a huge adjustment for me, and I need to keep my own recovery and well-being first and foremost.

Surprisingly she was very receptive to my needs, and has since made it a point not to be in my computer room too much. We do often watch streaming movies via Netflix in the room, and that is fine.

She continues to hold up her end of the bargain, which she knows is the only way she can continue to live here till May 1st.

I think it's also been a tremendous help that my psychiatric provider who is very persistent in helping my depression has finally found a winning combination/doseage on my antidepressants that has finally brought me out of the black hole I had been in for so long.

I continue to attend Alanon, see a case management worker once a week for socializing/chatting, attend therapy regularly, and will see my psychiatric provider in 3 months for a medication review.

Thank God for my higher power, a program of recovery, and tons of good friends both face-to-face and here at SR. Without all of those, I surely wouldn't be at where I am today.

Hugs to all of you! :ghug3

laurie6781

Sounds to me like you have a pretty good balance going for YOU right now, and that is what is IMPORTANT.

I sincerely hope that your AD is looking for a place to live and is doing other things for her recovery, ie mettings, therapy, or whatever

I am glad you reiterated the May 1st date or sooner if need be.

When is her court date, for sentencing or trial? She may not have to worry about a place to live.

I'm glad the dosage of your Anti-Ds has been adjusted to a satisfactory level to you.

Love and hugs,

Chino

DeVon, for an abnormal situation, you sure sound normal! I haven't walked in your shoes so I don't truly understand what it took for you to get to this place, but I do know it took a desire for a better life and the willingness to pursue it, one day at a time. You took what I used to see as insurmountable odds, and turned them into an attainable reality.

Thank you for sharing your ESH and faith. You remind me that no matter what, my life is what I make of it

EnglishGarden

This is a very inspiring post for me, Freedom. Thank you very much for it.

I am trying to learn to express my needs and boundaries and sometimes it terrifies me. I have been working on this for years! I come from a Southern family and believe me, nobody expresses, they just get even!

I also want to say it's great you have found a good med combination. My family's genetic flaw is depression, not addiction, and I know how vital it is to be treated and to find a doctor who really has experience with medication. My mother, my grandfather, and my son have all suffered major clinical depression at some point in their lives. It not only disables, it is very hard on the brain tissue and the organs of the body.

In Al-Anon literature there's a quote from Abraham Lincoln about how we're only as happy as we make up our minds to be. I find this very ironic (!) because Lincoln suffered with major clinical depression all his life and sometimes his friends actually took turns staying with him so he would not kill himself. Lincoln would not have suffered so, if he'd been blessed with the help of medication.

Anyway, I hope to be able to do better with speaking to others with honesty and good boundaries because, really, we all know what a drag martyrs are.

I hope things at your home continue without crisis and that your daughter finds a good life for herself as she moves forward.

PaperDolls

I'm so happy to hear things are going well.

I've surprised myself in my new ability to express my needs and feelings .... and that it's gone well for me.

Especially in relationships I was horrible at it. When I got into this relationship I decided I was just gonna be me. For real this time. I guess finally after getting sober I actually know me. It's been working out amazingly well and this relationship I'm in is the most healthy and wonderful I've ever had.

Even those times when I feel the fear creeping in when it's time for me to share my feelings, I just do it any way.....and it's been working. Who woulda thunk it?

Ann

This sounds like a wonderful growing experience for both your daughter and you, DeVon. And how great is it to express your feelings and to know you were "heard" and respected!!

Your daughter is a lucky girl, she has a mother who is a shining example of recovery and all the good things it can bring. If she's as smart as she is lucky, she will pay close attention and grow.

Hugs

greeteachday

Just love this post. Your recovery is truly shining!

Freedom1990

She goes back to court for sentencing on March 7. I do realize she may get more jail time. As it stands, her new probation officer (she had to transfer her probation to my town) sees her weekly, gives weekly UA's, and is optimistic that she will receive extended probation, probably more hours of community service, and of course a fine.

I'll cross that bridge when it arrives.

I believe she also has an appt. next week with my employment specialist through Prairie Independent Living, as well as the specialist through the department of corrections. She is being presented with a lot of resources to help her get on her feet, IF she does the work.

If she doesn't, she will be sitting on the curb come May 1st. I have provided all the support I am willing to give by then.

There is an undercurrent of stress for me simply because this is a huge change from my usual living circumstances, but it is manageable for me, and I'm willing to tolerate it as long as my recovery stands firm. Should my own recovery start to suffer, she will have to go. That's just how it is.

I appreciate everyone's support and comments. It's taken me many years to get to this point, and these days I really see the progress I have made in my own recovery.

Sending hugs of support to all of you!

hope2be

Thanks for this post. Today was one of those days where I feel like my baby steps in recovery are ever going to get me anywhere. It gives me inspiration to keep marching forward.

Impurrfect

((DeVon))) - what an awesome post! Your recovery is definitely shining, and I'm pleasantly surprised at how your daughter is pulling her weight around there and that you enjoy her being there...but there is a time limit and when it comes "gotta go!"

Hugs and prayers,

Amy