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He's overdosed and I'm paralyzed

Old 02-17-2012, 08:12 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
My heart just aches for you. I wish we could be there just to sit with you and have a cup of tea. I just can't imagine how you must be feeling. Traumatized? To be honest, you sound a little "flat" or numb. Are you ok? Do you have anyone you can lean on? (((Hugs)))
Thank you for your support.

Our marriage therapist/crisis counselor (who I've been seeing alone for the past two weeks) is supposed to be calling me sometime this evening. She is about all I've got. My parents and in laws come down hard on me over my husband's addiction (like it's my fault he is using and they need emotional support from me) and my few friends are really tired of hearing about my husband's drama. I did meet some lovely people at the two Nar-anon meetings I attended, but I don't know any of them well enough to call.

I can't stop crying right now.

The emotions that are going on in my head right now are so many. I'm traumatized, I'm angry, I'm dissapointed in my choice of a husband, I'm heartbroken, and I'm so tired of not sharing my bed with the man I love.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:18 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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You absolutely can call the numbers you have from ANYONE at Nar-Anon!! Please reach out tomorrow and be with someone who understands your pain. They will be honored to sit with you and listen. They care and that is precisely why they give out their phone numbers. Please call.

In the meantime, we're here. It's actually good that you are crying... you are grieving!!
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:18 PM
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I can't imagine your pain, despite having a child who died from an overdose. I know that during the time when she was at her worst (which ironically wasn't when she died) I was totally numb. I did not have time to process or defrost in between traumas. No one should have to go through it over and over.

I hope you can try to find some face to face support - Please pick up the phone and perhaps you can stay with a friend and just make a pact with that friend that neither of you are going to talk about your husband. I found i couldn't be in that front row seat watching - I suspect you might be feeling that too.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:19 PM
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I did meet some lovely people at the two Nar-anon meetings I attended, but I don't know any of them well enough to call.
I am sorry you cant stop crying.
Please call one of those lovely people you met at the meeting.
They understand and will listen.
Those people want you to call them when you are in trouble like this, emotional tornado.
Just try it.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:28 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thank you all. I will give a call to one of the Nar-anon people tomorrow morning. I don't want to be on the phone with them tonight, as it is late, and I don't want to have to cut the conversation when the therapist calls.

You all are really helping me feel through this. I would normally march on like nothing was wrong and break down at anyone mentioning my husband. I have a friends party to attend on Sunday, and it's important for me to be mentally present for that occasion.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:46 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Loneywife View Post

You all are really helping me feel through this. I would normally march on like nothing was wrong and break down at anyone mentioning my husband.
Yeah, I totally get that. But lately I have given myself permission to cry or just be sad anytime I want to. If I'm at work, I go into an empty office and have a good cry. I was out to dinner with a girlfriend the other night and we were both blubbering! She made me laugh when she said another of the restaurant patrons was staring at us.... probably thought we were two lesbians breaking up or something. But I'm a classic "stuffer" and I just can't do it anymore. And you know what? It really, really helps to allow myself to FEEL whatever I'm feeling! Just get it OUT.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:48 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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One thing I found very helpful too was to try to stay in today as much as possible. I can over think anything if I give myself permission, and I have spent far too much time regretting the past or future tripping. It takes work and practice, but I found if I catch myself doing either, I remind myself that it accomplishes absolutely nothing and try to put my mind to things that might take me out of the obsessive worrying state. I hope you can get a good night's sleep tonight.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:37 PM
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But I'm a classic "stuffer" and I just can't do it anymore. And you know what? It really, really helps to allow myself to FEEL whatever I'm feeling! Just get it OUT.
Yes me too. I stuff and stuff and stuff. It took me many years to practice crying a little or getting my feelings out there.
Otherwise, I would "march on like nothing was wrong" while if someone showed some empathy for me, I would start bawling.
A few tears won't kill me, or make me ashamed, like my father told me.
It works for me.

Beth

I will be thinking of you, LW. Get a nice sleep whenever you can, not just now, but anytime you can relax.
:ghug3
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:51 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wicked View Post
Yes me too. I stuff and stuff and stuff. It took me many years to practice crying a little or getting my feelings out there.
Otherwise, I would "march on like nothing was wrong" while if someone showed some empathy for me, I would start bawling.
A few tears won't kill me, or make me ashamed, like my father told me.
It works for me.

Beth

I will be thinking of you, LW. Get a nice sleep whenever you can, not just now, but anytime you can relax.
:ghug3
Thank you. I can relate to stuffing.

When I was younger, I was often ridiculed for my emotional sensitivity. I used to cry at the slightest conflict. I've forced myself to contain my emotions for so many years, that crying now is tough.

Even now, when I do cry at work or in public, I am told I am too sensitive and I need to suck it up.

My mom has Narcisstic personality disorder, as does my father in law, so it's really tough to show emotion to either of them, as they both use it for blackmail against me in the future.
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:30 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Loneywife View Post
I don't know if this post is going to cause a poop storm, but it is my philosophy on death and dying. The other thread has made me reflect on what went on last night.

We all deserve to be treated like human beings, especially during dying and death. My AH deserves to die with some dignity, if he chooses to end his life.

He was sitting on his favorite couch, with his dog, watching his favorite newscaster on TV, and he was dying. Who am I to shake him out of his peaceful slumber and bring him back into this world through the place he dreads most, the hospital.

When you came back from the hospital you said he 'thanked you for saving his life" and that he promised to change.

IMO - he doesnt want to die, but he is sick; unable to make rational and reasonable choices because he is led by his addiction.

I wouldnt put stock in his promise to change; but truly he doesnt sound like he wants to die. It was an accidental overdose caused by another bad decision.

I hope that you are able to reach out tomorrow to someone within your group. I agree; they give their numbers because they want you to call. They are there to help you.

Wishing you peace tonight.
Kel
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Old 02-18-2012, 01:02 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I totally get what you are saying and feeling LonelyWife.....

If you had been gone shopping or out for just another hour....
My point....if you had NOT been there.....

So...maybe it is time to move out of the house.
Because if you are there...and he OD's....you HAVE TO CALL 911. You have no choice.
You could not live with yourself if you didn't.
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:17 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by YearForMe View Post
I totally get what you are saying and feeling LonelyWife.....

If you had been gone shopping or out for just another hour....
My point....if you had NOT been there.....

So...maybe it is time to move out of the house.
Because if you are there...and he OD's....you HAVE TO CALL 911. You have no choice.
You could not live with yourself if you didn't.
This is precisely what I was thinking. Do you have someone who you could go stay with now while you figure out what your next step will be? You can't make your husband give up his addiction, but you don't have to be there to watch him kill himself either.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:07 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kmangel View Post
This is precisely what I was thinking. Do you have someone who you could go stay with now while you figure out what your next step will be? You can't make your husband give up his addiction, but you don't have to be there to watch him kill himself either.
I don't have anyone to stay with. My family is not supportive, and my friends live too far away and don't have room.

The only way I can leave is to find an apartment and sign a lease for a year, which doesn't seem feasible right now. I don't have the energy to move all my things into a new place while I'm dealing with this crisis.

Now's he saying its double pneumonia is why he was acting so sick. I just refused to visit him at the hospital. I'm sure my in laws will pick up the slack and go to the hospital to reinforce his denial.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Loneywife View Post
I don't have anyone to stay with. My family is not supportive, and my friends live too far away and don't have room.

The only way I can leave is to find an apartment and sign a lease for a year, which doesn't seem feasible right now. I don't have the energy to move all my things into a new place while I'm dealing with this crisis.

Now's he saying its double pneumonia is why he was acting so sick. I just refused to visit him at the hospital. I'm sure my in laws will pick up the slack and go to the hospital to reinforce his denial.
Around where I live there are places like Motel 6 that are advertising weekly rates. You wouldn't have to sign a lease and staying at someplace like that might be a way to more slowly transition out of the situation. Just a thought for you.

I've been reading through this thread and I agree with the others that as long as you are there, you have an obligation to call for help. You most likely actually have a legal obligation, as well. I understand how you feel, but the last thing you want or need is for his situation to culminate in serious charges against you because you didn't call.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Loneywife View Post

Now's he saying its double pneumonia is why he was acting so sick. I just refused to visit him at the hospital. I'm sure my in laws will pick up the slack and go to the hospital to reinforce his denial.
Maybe it's time for the inlaws to bring their sick son back into their home.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
Maybe it's time for the inlaws to bring their sick son back into their home.
I so wish that would happen. He would never agree to move in with his parents again, and the home we live in is 5 minutes away from their house and they own it (don't get me started on that. I was under the impression my husband owned the house before we were married)

I'm looking around for extended stay hotels in my area with affordable weekly rates. We live in a fairly expensive suburb, and there aren't many motels for miles. Thank you for the suggestion.
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Old 02-18-2012, 09:43 AM
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(((LW))) - I lived in extended stay motels when I got out of being locked up. Honestly, if they would let me bring my cats, I'd be spending this week in one (don't make enough money to do it all the time).

I know they're not cheap, but maybe get one for a week or so, just to get out of the house and focus on you?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:06 PM
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I spent today doing what I wanted to do. Got my eyebrows done, manicure and pedicure and thought of just myself.

I've been calling around to extended stay and motels in my area and I've got to really think about it. They are so expensive. I will have to wait until AH comes home from the hospital to leave, as I'm taking care of his dog right now.

Thank you all.
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Old 02-18-2012, 10:10 PM
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Hugs, thoughts and prayers to you....
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Old 02-19-2012, 07:30 AM
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I used to check MrSofa's breathing sometimes when he was asleep to make sure he was still alive.

It's horrifying what we become immune to, what becomes "normal" ...

It's torture really..... really.

I hope you are getting the support you need for yourself right now.
Please be kind to yourself.




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