jbdream1970

I have just met a guy who is a recovering oxy addict. He's been clean and sober for 1 year and he's a sweetheart, but I just don't want to jinx his recover by being a "new drug" for him. Could a recovering addict be in a relationship with a non addict? If they can, how can I be the most helpful for him and the most supportive of him without either of us doing anything that we might regret or be sorry for?

jbdream1970

No, a different person. The reason why I have been mingling with other people is because I have no idea when the first friend of mine will be leaving the rehab he's in and neither does he. It could be a while is all he knows. So that's why I have been socializing with other guys.

jbdream1970

I told him I want to take it slow and start off as friends and he had no problem with that, but I understand what you are saying though.

zoso77

Hi...

This sentence is ringing alarms with me. Big, loud ones. Are you're interested in knowing why, you can ask me.

ZoSo

jbdream1970

Tell me

support4life

personally.. i would run the other direction! My ex boyfriend as of yesterday told me the exact same thing.. " I have been clean for this amount of time".. I believed him. Then caught him snorting a few months ago.. now hes in jail serving time because his disease made him do things and took over his life. I would never date another addict, way to risky in my opinion.

jbdream1970

Excuse me, Anville is it? Is there a problem with this question I posted on this thread with you? Your demeanor does not come across as very patient. If this post I posted bothers you, you don't need to respond in a derogatory manner or better yet, not reply to it at all. This is a forum for people with personal and psychological issues and I'm sure you didn't expect to be a part of something formal or sophisticated like the way you're disposition is showing it in your response. Thanks and peace.

I'm sorry, anvilhead. Pardon me for the error in your username.

KelleyF

Cynical One; I love this !! Just too funny,

fourmaggie

@jbdreams1970...you asked the question and these are your replies, in the threads are like meetings...you take what you want and leave the rest

MELODY BEATTIEs books CO DEPENDENT NO MORE and others, will greatly help you...that is what i am saying...

are you in NAR ANON? do you work a program? if you dont, then there is gonna be some serious questions YOU need to look at....

@Cynical one....i love your responses...i take great reflections in looking at my personality....thanks love!!
@anvilhead, are you a SHERLOCK HOLMES?..lol *((hugs))

zoso77

jbdream1970,

Are you in Al Anon? Nar Anon? Neither?

The reason why I highlighted the sentence in your first post was because it is textbook codependent thinking.

A buddy of mine in the program said something that may be of use to you:

I'll take care of me for you, you take care of you for me.

In other words, this man's recovery is his recovery, and the best way to support him is to stay out of his way. Especially where he's only got a year under his belt.

If this is your second go-round with an addict, and you're jumping head first into another relationship with an addict in recovery, I hope you're honest with yourself regarding your motivations.

This board isn't in the business of telling people what to do. What it is in the business of is sharing a wealth of experience and knowledge for the purpose of mutual caring and support. Some of the posters here are in recovery from substance abuse. If you really, really want to know what you're dealing with, my suggestion is you start reading. Very carefully. Because if you're not honest about what it is you're dealing with, my fear is you're going to be hurt.

As someone that wasn't honest with himself about what he was dealing with, I do not want to see that happen to you.

God Bless,
ZoSo

KelleyF

I was reading the post you made about a week ago; and from yhat one, im thinking possibly people are making some assumptions that might be far reaching. So maybe you could clarify..
The man that you were reunited with last year; your love from the past...you didn't really say how involved you were with him; or really how much of his addiction you experienced. I really can't even say you were a codependent based on that post.

But anyway, maybe it's just a coincidence that the new guy you met is in recovery. It is sorta funny though - just your luck perhaps?

I think Anvil had a good point; about being in distress last week and now thinking about pursuing someone new. I think it's always wise to give yourself time.
I can tell you that when I joined the forum people told me that there was a one year minimum rule for recovering addicts to pursue relationships.
Of course who made that rule; I don't know. My guy was short about 10 mos from that rule, so I'm not one to judge.
But we started out as friends,'for several months and it was a really good experience; he's now my best friend.
So do what you may; just take it slow.
I suggest that you talk to him about his recovery; How he manages it; etc
It's his job to take care of himself; figure out what he needs along the way
Good luck.
Kel

kmangel

I think the best thing you can do is learn as much as you can about addiction and co-dependancy. My son is a recovering addict, recently relapsed, and in a relationship with a girl who does not know his history. He said he was revealing the truth about himself to her this weekend. I hope he did and I hope if they continue their relationship, she will protect herself. My husband and I have been taken advantage of for years and are only now fully coming to realize all we've done to contribute to his addiction by enabling him. We think we can make a difference in our addict's life, but the truth is the addict must do the work to recover--we can't do it for them by fixing all the many messes they get themselves into. Figure out what your boundaries should be as a person in a relationship with an addict and then firmly stand by them. My husband and I have been dealing with our son's initial experimentation with drugs, abuse and then addiction for nearly 15 years and are only now coming to terms with our role in helping him not face the consequences of the path he chose to follow. We are now beginning a new journey of letting him go and letting God deal with him.

outtolunch

There is nothing you can say or do that will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.