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So frustrated.....

Old 02-12-2012, 06:07 PM
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So frustrated.....

I posted earlier about my husband's pain pill habit. He has been on Suboxone for almost three weeks. In that time, the only plus that I can say that I've seen is that he isn't spending money on pills. But that is about it.

I am beyond myself. I know something is wrong. I can't tell you the last time that he actually slept. He seems to be sleeping in like 30-minute spurts. I look at him and if I didn't just know that he wasn't strung out on something, I would swear that he was. I know he's not using anything else because there is a prescription for Vicodin laying on our counter that would have been long ago filled if he was using.

Anyway, I'm looking at him and every fiber of my being is screaming something is wrong!! He is like a zombie. His body is so tired. It's like he can't focus on anything. He falls asleep and drops things. He fell asleep and left our dog outside for hours in the freezing cold a couple of nights ago. I feel like I haven't seen MY husband in days. This person is not him.

I'm so angry at him. He has admitted to abusing his Suboxone. I'm just sick of this. I have no one to talk to because none of my family or friends know about this. I'm scared to death that I am going to come home and find him dead. It just pisses me off. I have looked for Nar-Anon meetings and there are none near me. I feel like I am going crazy and I hate this.

The thing that really frustrates me is that it was his idea to get help. Granted, it came after a huge argument, but he made the call. He took the first steps. But clearly, since he is not using the Suboxone like he is supposed to, nothing is really changing. Yes, he's not spending the money, but that's it. I feel like I've lost my husband. I can't talk to him because he gets pissy or just plays it off as being tired. I'm just beyond broken. My nerves are shot.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:52 PM
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Before being ordered to rehab my son tried to use suboxone by himself to get off pain pills and heroin but his attempts were unsuccessful.

Finally my son went to rehab for his pain pill addiction. I'm glad I didn't have to watch him face to face--just hearing him talk about it was bad enough.

My son was put on suboxone in the beginning of his treatment, but he was weaned off it fairly quickly. By the time the third week rolled around he was feeling much better and more like himself.

I'm no expert, but I think it's probably rare for an addict to be able to manage their detox on their own.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:05 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, and i just thought i might suggest finding an al-anon meeting instead. My gf is a heroin addict and i attend al-anon. And i find it really helpful.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:15 PM
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MrsB08: I didn't see your earlier posts about your AH's pill addiction, but it does sound like something is definitely going on. That gut instinct is usually right on target. With the suboxone, he wouldn't be able to use any opiates with it because of the opiate agonist component in the suboxone, but it is possible he is using something other than opiates? Then again I have heard of cases where addicts detoxing do not sleep sometimes for 30 days, so I don't know.

Coming on here helped me to realize that I had to figure out what I could live with and what I needed to live without. For me, I had to make a break from my AS (pills is his thing, too), but this is the very short version. I think there is an 800 hotline number on here, or on the nar-anon website that you can call, if you want. I understand well what it's like being isolated with problems of addiction and no one to talk with about it. Being on here is good, but maybe it would be helpful since there is no nar-anon meeting near you to just call. Definitely stay here - lots of good people, good non-judgmental information!
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:32 AM
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Doesnt sound right he NEEDS to go see his prescribing Dr.
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:12 AM
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Originally Posted by MrsB08 View Post

I look at him and if I didn't just know that he wasn't strung out on something, I would swear that he was. I know he's not using anything else because there is a prescription for Vicodin laying on our counter that would have been long ago filled if he was using.

I'm so angry at him. He has admitted to abusing his Suboxone. I'm just sick of this.
He is strung out because he's abusing the subs. This is addiction, not recovery.

Enough about him and his issues. What do you want for yourself?
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by MrsB08 View Post
I am beyond myself. I know something is wrong.

He falls asleep and drops things. He fell asleep and left our dog outside for hours in the freezing cold a couple of nights ago.

I'm so angry at him.

He has admitted to abusing his Suboxone.
I feel like I am going crazy and I hate this.

I'm just beyond broken. My nerves are shot.


MrsB: I picked out a few of the things from your post. The one in bold, the falling asleep and dropping things, my AS used to do that. My AS is an injector, shoots up roxys, oxys, suboxone, xanax, whatever he could get his hands on. We always knew "for sure" when he would "fall asleep standing up", or nod off while looking in the refrigerator, or fall asleep while sitting at the dinner table, his face dropping closer and closer to his plate until finally his face hit the food. It was pathetic. I used to think, 'if only he could see himself like this...', so one time I actually used the record feature on the camera and filmed one of these episodes. I felt guilty and sick for doing such a thing. I kept it for a long time. Then one day my AS seemed to be clear headed enough to comprehend (imo) and I told him I'd videotaped him when he was 'nodding out' and fell into his food. I thought he'd be angry with me. He wasn't, and instead wanted to see it. His reaction? He thought it was amazingly funny.

For what it's worth, I think it's good that you are able to feel anger. That's healthy. You identified a lot of your feelings in this post, feelings that are quite common for someone who has an active addict in their lives. This site and the nar-anon site has helped me trememdously to detach and to take care of me.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:19 AM
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If Naranon isn't available in your area, look for Alanon meetings. They proved to be a lifesaver for me. I found face-to-face support among people who understood, and had been where I was.

Sending you hugs of support!
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by MrsB08 View Post
I posted earlier about my husband's pain pill habit. He has been on Suboxone for almost three weeks. In that time, the only plus that I can say that I've seen is that he isn't spending money on pills. But that is about it.

I am beyond myself. I know something is wrong. I can't tell you the last time that he actually slept. He seems to be sleeping in like 30-minute spurts. I look at him and if I didn't just know that he wasn't strung out on something, I would swear that he was. I know he's not using anything else because there is a prescription for Vicodin laying on our counter that would have been long ago filled if he was using.

Anyway, I'm looking at him and every fiber of my being is screaming something is wrong!! He is like a zombie. His body is so tired. It's like he can't focus on anything. He falls asleep and drops things. He fell asleep and left our dog outside for hours in the freezing cold a couple of nights ago. I feel like I haven't seen MY husband in days. This person is not him.

I'm so angry at him. He has admitted to abusing his Suboxone. I'm just sick of this. I have no one to talk to because none of my family or friends know about this. I'm scared to death that I am going to come home and find him dead. It just pisses me off. I have looked for Nar-Anon meetings and there are none near me. I feel like I am going crazy and I hate this.

The thing that really frustrates me is that it was his idea to get help. Granted, it came after a huge argument, but he made the call. He took the first steps. But clearly, since he is not using the Suboxone like he is supposed to, nothing is really changing. Yes, he's not spending the money, but that's it. I feel like I've lost my husband. I can't talk to him because he gets pissy or just plays it off as being tired. I'm just beyond broken. My nerves are shot.
I know what you're saying about the fear of finding your husband dead. I know what that's like, and that's a horrible feeling to sit with. I feel for you.

When you say nothing's really changing, you're right. Remember the three C's, though: you didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it, and you can't Control it. He has to want to find recovery for himself.

If you're unable to find a Nar Anon meeting, please find an Al Anon meeting and go to that. It's important right now that you get some terra firma under your feet. Being on the board is a great first step, but it's not the same as being in an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting.

Be Safe.

ZoSo
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:55 AM
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I agree, I am in a rural area and I have found online help here and in recommended readings. There are active online meetings too (7 days a week), but I haven't participated in one yet. Most of my family members would not be supportive of my decision to 'let go and let God' so I don't discuss it with them. In some ways I find that helpful, because I can have activities where he is not the constant focus.
Originally Posted by KuanYin View Post
This site and the nar-anon site has helped me trememdously to detach and to take care of me.
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