Feeling down

Old 02-11-2012, 09:51 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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meree's Avatar
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Location: new york, ny
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Feeling down

i haven't really posted here much although i visit almost daily. my now ex-H relapsed in the beginning of June on crack after about 2.5 years sober. i ended up divorcing him. he has not been able to stop for any length of time since.

anyway, his last sobriety date was dec 25, and then he went into a rehab for 32 days on jan 10. he got out yesterday and texted me and let me know that his days are planned and that he will be doing 2-3 mtgs a day, etc. well, today i sent him a pic of our daughter and never got a response, so i checked his bank account online and he has already withdrawn at least $100. i know he's back out using again.

this should come as no suprise, but somehow it always sort of feels like it, no matter how much i tell myself to not have expectations etc. we have 2 little kids (2, 3) together. i know that he really does love me and the kids, but between his addiction and mental illness (he was diagnosed with hypomania and probably also has ADD) i think his chances for any lasting recovery are slim. what is the hardest is trying to fully face the fact that i need to let go and move on and forget about any chances of resurrecting our family. like so many others on this site, i love him. i wish i didn't. unfortunately, i think crack is one of the worst drugs out there, and i doubt he will be able to overcome the urges.

what i wish for myself is the strength and ability to move on - not just with lip-service, but for real. right now i am with my kids and some family members trying to have a good time and pretend that i am happy, but inside i feel really down. thanks for reading - i just needed to connect to people who understand what i'm really feeling. life will go on - there's no stoping it. i just wish there was a magic pill i could take to let go and move on. guess i just need support.
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Old 02-11-2012, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by meree View Post
well, today i sent him a pic of our daughter and never got a response, so i checked his bank account online and he has already withdrawn at least $100. i know he's back out using again.
He may or may not be using; there's no telling what he needed the money for. It's his money to do with what he wants, too, since you're divorced. If you want to let go, a good place to start is to stop checking his account.

If you take a spin around the forum, you might be interested in concepts about 'property lines' and 'boundaries'. In addition to the stickies at the top of the forum, the search feature will provide you easy access to common themes and topics, like "letting go." Also, a poster here named cynical one (SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - cynical one) has compiled quite a library with topics like that.

Please consider "working the recovery program you wish he would." Whether that's with a 12 step program (alanon, naranon, codependents anonymous, etc) and/or private therapy, you'll put the focus back on you, and find a way out of the craziness by letting go.

There's strength in numbers and this is a great place
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Old 02-11-2012, 12:53 PM
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I'm sorry to hear you are still so wound up in what he is doing. Perhaps it would be best if you quit trying to keep tabs on him. He's going to do whatever he wants to do, so the only thing knowing about it does is keep you upset. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss, when it comes to addicted loved ones.

Please keep your focus on yourself and your two children. They need you to take care of them. Your ex is an adult and will do whatever he decides to do. You divorced him for a reason, so follow through on living your own life and taking care of your children.
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