Finally Waking Up
 

After 5 years of AS going to prison and my mother wasting away with Alzhiemers, I had completely given up on believing in any HP. A month ago the AS relapse became apparently and I found this sight and began to read. Last night I had a dream that I woke up in a white room that was both hospital and hotel like. I knew I had been asleep for a long time but didn't know how long. I got out of the bed and washed my feet with warm water from a small hose and cried with the joy from the feeling of the warm water. I was at peace and knew that I was safe. There was nobody in the room but I knew that I had been cared for and kept safe while I was asleep.

To me it means that God was there the entire time I wasn't, that She never gave up, never left me, just waited patiently until I woke up.

Thanks to all of you for the things you have shared and helping me remember that there is more to life than random chaos.

Welcome to SR.

gentle hugs
ke

I love those epiphany moments. Reminds me of this poem that I love.

Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."


Mary Stevenson


Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text

My assurance that God was real and loved me came to me because of my AS when he was a teenager and beginning his self-destructive journey. God showed Himself to me one day at my kitchen table when I was crying over my son. Isn't it interesting how God uses the pain in our lives to draw us to Him? Though this journey we are on is not an easy one, with God it is bearable. I love this quote from C. S. Lewis:

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

I love this post. I saw how HP was working in my sons life through a miracle that got him into the inpatient rehab he is in now. It is a very long story, but when all seemed hopeless and it looked like he would have to go back to jail due to being released from the first rehab, this opportunity miraculously came to him as well as he had a reconciliation with his father, who he had not spoken to since May 2011. All of this when I realized I was helpless and could not affect any outcome whatsoever for my son.
Praise God.
Hugs,
Teresa