washbe2

I did go for a day without talking to son. Can't brag about it too much though. He wasn't into calling that day. What's wrong with me? Why do I continue to allow him to manipulate me, use me, lie, steal, etc.etc. I think I've given up hope, but have such trouble allowing a disabled 42 year old to be without anyone, any place without anything.

I do have an appointment next week with a counselor. Couldn't decide on who to go to, so just picked one who could see me locally. I WANT to not think about AS, not talk to AS. I know if he goes to jail for 30 days, he will lose his disability, so I pay fines. I have a decent salary, but no money. I want to retire and can't.

His language toward me has gotten so much worse. I've always tried to make him feel "worthy" of doing better, but now I'm slinging it back to him. I don't like the way that feels either.

My husband keeps asking me what is wrong. I don't, can't tell him that I'm just stressed to the max. He would rant and add to my stress. Hopefully one day I can be a real support to others. I was almost at that place a few years ago, but since the accident, I'm in worse shape than he is.

washbe2

I know you are right. I wish he didn't call, threaten, beg, etc. Hoping the counselor next week can help me be stronger. I think, "What's the worse thing that could happen?" First I think of death. But that's not true. He is in a sense dead anyway. (Now if anything happens to him, I'll feel guilty for that statement, too.)

I grew up in a home where my dad was always a tyrant of sorts and mean to my mom. I grew up willing to get over and forget anything that happened, just as long as things were okay for a moment. It was like thinking "Oh, well, let's don't bring that up. He's in a good mood right now. Just forget what happened yesterday or ten minutes ago. I know that's some of my problem.

Still working. Thanks for the input.

missgardenarm

I especially understand this, and i'm sorry for that pain. I'm seeing that response come out in myself more often than not lately, and i've been recognizing it as an indicator of what i need to do for me to get into a space that can allow me function in a clear and healthy way again...
My thoughts are with you washbe2, hang in there.

helpme33

It is so easy for us to see that a parent has no control over the situation and tell them to 'let go and let God' but as a parent with a gifted homeless, jobless 33yo son, I feel your pain. When it is ours and our thoughts are clouded by guilt and emotions, it is so very hard. I can feel your pain from your posts as clearly as if I was standing next to you.

I thought about you yesterday. When you retire your income is going to be fixed (probably) and unless you have saved quite a bit, you will not be able to support him as much as you are doing now.

In his teens my son refused to participate in group counseling with me. I had him in many other programs and I am hoping they did help him SOME. Tough love only make him more angry. He was always arguing with me and had enough time on his hands (skipping school) to break my glass patio table into very small pieces with a hammer. Stole my car keys and gave them to 'friends' to steal my car, so many other things I would be here all week listing them.

Yet, he is my son and I still love him.

I know from experience that your energy is zapped and it's hard to focus your attention on anything but PLEASE go to counseling. Start reading some of the self help books out there. I write in a journal and then throw the pages away, I do not want anyone to read anything so personal, but it helps me to write it out. A doctor gave me meditation tapes and they also help, now I can meditate without them. Forgive yourself and your son, but you have a right to a life without so much pain!!!

I am so lucky that we moved to another state after retiring because I know in my heart he would be stealing from me again.

When I was in counseling years earlier I asked why does he hate me so, I am the one that is trying to help him and I support him. My answer was that I was the person he knew he could vent his anger on and would not leave him.

Making him more independent is a win-win for both of you.

I'm going to exercise before I start crying.....take care of yourself myfriend.....start today and take it one day or one hour at a time.

I told my friend the other day that the Mayan end of the world thingie maybe a good thing LOL!!! Just kidding!!!!

Blessings and prayers for us all.