Attempted Rape
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
So.... I have to accept the possibility that he will die. Not obsess or think that I can see the future but actually accept that death is a very real possibility. It's not easy.
ke
ke
It sounds like missgardenarm is in a place where I was a few years back. My AS was out on the streets, and one day he came to the door so piteful that I swore to myself I'd never put him out again. In short order, I learned I didn't have the power to change squat in his life, because things went immediately back to his 'normal' , which is active use, denial, apologies, promises, more manipulation, all kinds of reasons/injuries to go to the ER, now he's into getting MRI's for his 'back pain'. I guess in a warped sense, I stuck to my word about not putting him out, but I left. Just up and ran away from home so to speak and left him there.
My prayers are with you. You're in for a long, hard road, living with an addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Threshold
When I was using I did a crapload of stupid stuff. Wandering around high in cemeteries in the middle of the night dancing on graves...yeah, that was real safe huh? If I had gotten attacked, robbed, raped or killed it really wouldn't have been my husband's fault for not chaining me to the bed so I wouldn't sneak out.
I am not unsympathetic to you or your GF's situation. I know it is sometimes an impossible one. It is simply unfair and unrealistic for HER to put you into a position of having to safeguard her when all of her own behavior places her into danger, and it is unfair for YOU to feel you should or can safeguard her. You can't, nor should you be expected to.
One day I had some miraculous objective glimpse of what a total **** I'd become and I decided I needed to do something about it. I got into recovery. I relapsed, but I knew that I had to make a change because I wasn't going to outrun the devil for very much longer. I truly believe that I am on the road to recovery for good. Returning to that way of life isn't an option for me any longer.
I hope that your GF has that miraculous moment for herself. Because only she can save her from herself.
I am not unsympathetic to you or your GF's situation. I know it is sometimes an impossible one. It is simply unfair and unrealistic for HER to put you into a position of having to safeguard her when all of her own behavior places her into danger, and it is unfair for YOU to feel you should or can safeguard her. You can't, nor should you be expected to.
One day I had some miraculous objective glimpse of what a total **** I'd become and I decided I needed to do something about it. I got into recovery. I relapsed, but I knew that I had to make a change because I wasn't going to outrun the devil for very much longer. I truly believe that I am on the road to recovery for good. Returning to that way of life isn't an option for me any longer.
I hope that your GF has that miraculous moment for herself. Because only she can save her from herself.
I'm no saint, but i'm no addict. At least not substances. But i think we all have emotional habits we're addicted to (at least i do), and i know how those alone are sooo hard to become conscience of and modify. So in a sense i can relate and i have a lot of compassion. I believe very much in a person's ability to turn their life around in areas that cause themselves and others harm. So again, thank you very much for sharing, and i wish you all the strength and courage in the world on your continued journey...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
Thank you for posting and letting us know that it is possible our loved ones (and us) will have a life again!
Originally Posted by Threshold
You're awesome! I was just looking at the last post where you share what you are doing for you, and wanting to understand the situation for both you and your GF.
I am so sorry that she had that horrible experience and of course you felt guilty, any of us would. When tragedies occur we all wrack our brains thinking of something we might have done to prevent it, the sense of being out of control and vulnerable to such experiences is horrifying to all of us.
But the sad truth is this, as adults, even as addicts (I am a recovering addict) we make choices for ourselves. And sometimes we make misguided ones. And there are consequences for our choices...for ourselves and those who love us.
Here is a line from a song that I find very telling "A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb, a pill to make you anybody else but all the drugs in this world, can't save her from herself"
Yeah, that was me. Nothing anyone said or did could save or protect me from myself. I used the blame and guilt angles plenty. "This wouldn't have happened if YOU had..." fill in the blank. But the truth was the stuff happened because of MY choices.
I blamed my husband for not intervening when I put myself into a coma...but um it was ME who put me into a coma. I chose to, didn't need to, no one had a gun to my head, he didn't tell me to...but I wanted to somehow make him responsible for my well being.
When I was using I did a crapload of stupid stuff. Wandering around high in cemeteries in the middle of the night dancing on graves...yeah, that was real safe huh? If I had gotten attacked, robbed, raped or killed it really wouldn't have been my husband's fault for not chaining me to the bed so I wouldn't sneak out.
I am not unsympathetic to you or your GF's situation. I know it is sometimes an impossible one. It is simply unfair and unrealistic for HER to put you into a position of having to safeguard her when all of her own behavior places her into danger, and it is unfair for YOU to feel you should or can safeguard her. You can't, nor should you be expected to.
One day I had some miraculous objective glimpse of what a total **** I'd become and I decided I needed to do something about it. I got into recovery. I relapsed, but I knew that I had to make a change because I wasn't going to outrun the devil for very much longer. I truly believe that I am on the road to recovery for good. Returning to that way of life isn't an option for me any longer.
I hope that your GF has that miraculous moment for herself. Because only she can save her from herself.
I am so sorry that she had that horrible experience and of course you felt guilty, any of us would. When tragedies occur we all wrack our brains thinking of something we might have done to prevent it, the sense of being out of control and vulnerable to such experiences is horrifying to all of us.
But the sad truth is this, as adults, even as addicts (I am a recovering addict) we make choices for ourselves. And sometimes we make misguided ones. And there are consequences for our choices...for ourselves and those who love us.
Here is a line from a song that I find very telling "A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb, a pill to make you anybody else but all the drugs in this world, can't save her from herself"
Yeah, that was me. Nothing anyone said or did could save or protect me from myself. I used the blame and guilt angles plenty. "This wouldn't have happened if YOU had..." fill in the blank. But the truth was the stuff happened because of MY choices.
I blamed my husband for not intervening when I put myself into a coma...but um it was ME who put me into a coma. I chose to, didn't need to, no one had a gun to my head, he didn't tell me to...but I wanted to somehow make him responsible for my well being.
When I was using I did a crapload of stupid stuff. Wandering around high in cemeteries in the middle of the night dancing on graves...yeah, that was real safe huh? If I had gotten attacked, robbed, raped or killed it really wouldn't have been my husband's fault for not chaining me to the bed so I wouldn't sneak out.
I am not unsympathetic to you or your GF's situation. I know it is sometimes an impossible one. It is simply unfair and unrealistic for HER to put you into a position of having to safeguard her when all of her own behavior places her into danger, and it is unfair for YOU to feel you should or can safeguard her. You can't, nor should you be expected to.
One day I had some miraculous objective glimpse of what a total **** I'd become and I decided I needed to do something about it. I got into recovery. I relapsed, but I knew that I had to make a change because I wasn't going to outrun the devil for very much longer. I truly believe that I am on the road to recovery for good. Returning to that way of life isn't an option for me any longer.
I hope that your GF has that miraculous moment for herself. Because only she can save her from herself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
The guilt for not being able to rescue our loved ones is so much to bear sometimes. Sadly, all of the love in the world can not save them.
You are a protective person and as a mother I am too. My son has put me through so much and I kept trying, trying, and trying. This time I finally understand it is his life and his choice, that does not make me love him less, it does help me through the day.
She will continue to steal from you so I would find a way to put the money for your rent etc., where it is not possible for her to steal it. A drug user will steal everything you have and think nothing of it, and possibly not remember doing it lol!!
At the present time my son is homeless and I do not know where he is, no money, no friends, and family relations are strained. The things I imagine may be happening are very scary, yet I know that the only way for my son to understand that he needs treatment is for the life he is leading to get unbearable.
To use at a friends house and cross the boundaries you have set shows how much control of her the drug has.
I practice detachment and turning it over to a Higher Power daily. Bless you and yours my friend. We are all hurting and looking for answers or we would not be on the forum!
You are a protective person and as a mother I am too. My son has put me through so much and I kept trying, trying, and trying. This time I finally understand it is his life and his choice, that does not make me love him less, it does help me through the day.
She will continue to steal from you so I would find a way to put the money for your rent etc., where it is not possible for her to steal it. A drug user will steal everything you have and think nothing of it, and possibly not remember doing it lol!!
At the present time my son is homeless and I do not know where he is, no money, no friends, and family relations are strained. The things I imagine may be happening are very scary, yet I know that the only way for my son to understand that he needs treatment is for the life he is leading to get unbearable.
To use at a friends house and cross the boundaries you have set shows how much control of her the drug has.
I practice detachment and turning it over to a Higher Power daily. Bless you and yours my friend. We are all hurting and looking for answers or we would not be on the forum!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((missgardenarm))) - Back when I was using, I didn't want to quit either. What I wanted was to do what I wanted and not have any consequences. Bad stuff would happen, I'd get an idea that maybe this wasn't such a good idea, this life I had chosen, but then I'd get high, forget about it and tell myself "one of these days I'll quit".
Luckily, actions come with consequences, like it or not. It took quite a few before I truly realized that things were just going to get worse. Honestly, when I did quit and chose recovery? I still didn't want to quit. I said what your daughter says - I wanted to be "normal" and not be an addict. My brain was thinking I could get some clean time, then use "occasionally" even though I've never met a recreational crack user.
Basically, I wanted my cake and eat it too. I even tried it for a year. I ended up relapsing big-time for a couple of weeks, almost got killed AGAIN, and was facing prison. Even then, I had to pray to be willing to be willing to not want crack.
I'm really glad that you are reaching out for support both here and f2f. It's a long road, this recovery thing, and I came into it kicking and screaming because I wanted to do it MY way. I'm very grateful for all the people here because it hasn't always been easy, is often downright hard, but everyone here gets it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Luckily, actions come with consequences, like it or not. It took quite a few before I truly realized that things were just going to get worse. Honestly, when I did quit and chose recovery? I still didn't want to quit. I said what your daughter says - I wanted to be "normal" and not be an addict. My brain was thinking I could get some clean time, then use "occasionally" even though I've never met a recreational crack user.
Basically, I wanted my cake and eat it too. I even tried it for a year. I ended up relapsing big-time for a couple of weeks, almost got killed AGAIN, and was facing prison. Even then, I had to pray to be willing to be willing to not want crack.
I'm really glad that you are reaching out for support both here and f2f. It's a long road, this recovery thing, and I came into it kicking and screaming because I wanted to do it MY way. I'm very grateful for all the people here because it hasn't always been easy, is often downright hard, but everyone here gets it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
Luckily, actions come with consequences, like it or not. It took quite a few before I truly realized that things were just going to get worse. Honestly, when I did quit and chose recovery? I still didn't want to quit. I said what your daughter says - I wanted to be "normal" and not be an addict. My brain was thinking I could get some clean time, then use "occasionally" even though I've never met a recreational crack user.
Thank you for the support, feedback, and hope. <3
PS: She's my partner, not my daughter.
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