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New Here....Just looking for help!

Old 02-02-2012, 02:55 PM
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New Here....Just looking for help!

I posted this on the Alcoholism side now on this one, since I am going back and forth.


I've been reading post after post for a few days now, just trying to get a grip on what is actually happening in my life right now. I'm almost 8 months in, since my world came crashing down on me. I found a cell phone that belonged to my AH/Cocaine addict husband that connect him to his "gf" and then while taking that in he tells me he got busted at work for failing a drug test that he needed to check into rehab. All in one swoop, I felt like my world was over. What I thought we had feels like we had nothing. This February we will be married 5 years and together 8 years. Just a little background, we have 6 children. Two were his prior, two were mine prior and we had two. We have custody of his children.

I don't in know where to start in my recovery from all of this reality, I am in a FOG, trying to help him remain sober and at the same time trying to understand the affair. I can honestly say I saw him spiral out of control. I begged, I pleaded, I voiced my concern, threatened everything and anything possible to help him with at the time I thought it was only an alcohol problem. I worked a full time job, owned a business, worked my business and handled the every day life a mother does. I'm anger at myself these days for the pain I feel. I blame myself for working so much and trusting him. At the same time, I know that I worked because any chance he got he was spending money, taking money out of our account for coke and I knew we had bills to pay. The affair lasted a year if that. He claims it wasn't physical, she pumped him up into something he was not. He didn't see her all the time and when he did it was minutes in the morning, she knew nothing of his life only good things, I guess ego jumpers. I know they were saying I love you. Once I found the phone that was it, it was over between them. He knew that was not what he wanted and he ended it and entered rehab. It's been a hard road for us, and I feel like I am trapped in a horrible nightmare that won't end. I can at times feel like my chest just needs to cave in from so much hurt in pain over the drugs and affair. He has stayed off the coke, but for the drinking he actually thinks he can be a casual drinker and I don't feel that way. He blames the drugs/drinking for the affair. He says that he got caught up and started believing what she was saying was true and the guilt help the drugs to continue. I don't know at this point. I have never been like that. I just want to know I am not alone in this painful journey. I want to know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything he says does not make sense. You don't love someone but you take a phone from her, while your wife is pregnant, you watch your first daughter be born, but you continue to see her for words.


I never realized how bad he actually was.
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:08 PM
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Well, alcohol or coke, really doesn't matter, he is an addict. As for the affair, he is feeding you a load of bs, she just wasn't shaking his hand, I'd look a little lower. An affair that goes on for a year does not make for a casual meet and greet.

Addiction is one thing, cheating is another, to me, cheating is a deal breaker.

The only light at the end of the tunnel is for you to get healthy, recover from codependency, go to meetings and start getting your life and finances in order. Don't deposit money into any joint account you have with him. Open your own account, stop
supporting him and his addictions.

Finally, children first, they will take their childhood into adulthood, do what is right for them. They need one responsible parent, tag...your it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:41 PM
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TMZ
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Welcome to SR. Your in the right place to begin your recovery, We will help you through this. But the first thing you must know are the three C's. You didn't cause it, You cant control it, and you cant cure it.

The Addiction is one thing and the Affair is another, but both tell me that he is only thinking of himself. He has what I call the "ME" syndrome, it's all about me {him} and only me {him}, nothing else matters.

The only thing you can do is protect you and your children. When he is ready he will come around, but only he knows when he hits his bottom. Nothing you do or say will change anything.

I am sorry for your situation. Keep reading, keep posting and take care of you and your kids. He must seek his own help you are too close to him to help. He must concur this alone you can't help him.

Sending strength and prayers.
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