KuanYin

I know well the pain from being 'threatened' by an addict. My AS has done this numerous times, threatened suicide, and he's very convincing but so far he has not attempted it. I noted that the poster is in Florida. There's not a lot of 'available' resources right now, here in FL, for mental health. Unless he specifically states in the presence of law enforcement officers that he is planning to harm himself, they will not (or cannot) take him to a hospital against his will (Baker Act).

Meanwhile, I know too well how this imposed burden sits on your shoulders like an anchor, weighing you down with worry and a desire to 'do something'. I think I would print the text message he sent, and call the non-emergency number and request a well being/wellfare check. Probably give the officers the printed copy of his text. Then let go. The fact is, people do commit suicide, and close to 100% mention it, threaten it, talk about it, attempt it several times before they actually do it. But if a person is intent on taking their own life, there is nothing anyone can do to stop them.

learningtofly

This is killing me. I'm trying to stay strong but just have to keep fighting back the tears.

I'm going to talk to my therapist at 1:30 and see what she suggests. I will reach out to his roomate and friends.

He just sent me another text:
I'm going to finish my computer job, apologize to two people and then I'm going to go to the beach at 11p.m. on Saturday and I'm never going to come back. I love you

I'm dying inside : (

zoso77

Karrie...

He's got a date. He's got a plan. No more games. You need to call the authorities. Now.

ZoSo

ISOHumility

You know you can't save him, but he doesn't know that.

However selfish, cruel, manipulative, whatever his behavior is, he is a sick person, and you are trying to get well.

You are stronger than he. I agree that you should block his calls, texts, etc., but it seems like a compassionate act to make that call for a well-being/welfare check.

That act is not giving in to his manipulation; it's simply extending compassion to someone who is sick.

And then...let it, and him, go. Leave him to God.

Hanna

I also want to say from painful experience that people shouldn't take it for granted that no one who truly intends to attempt suicide talks about it beforehand. It is best to take any and all comments seriously.

zoso77

Well said.

KuanYin

About 3 weeks ago, my AS sent me and his brother, and one other person a similar text, apologizing for everything he'd done, saying good-bye, life's not worth living, etc. The text came very early in the morning, and none of us read it until several hours later. My non-addict son and I were an emotional wreck because we tried calling his number and it went straight to vm, we sent him texts and did not hear back. Of course we assumed the worse. We decided to meet at the house where AS lives, to go in and check on him, fully expecting to find his dead body. My non-addict son arrived first, only to find his addict brother calmly watching a movie, just going about life as normal. We later learned he and his girlfriend had eaten a handful of clonopins and he didn't even remember sending us the text messages. Fortunately my non -addict son called me before I arrived and said not to bother, he's fine, so I didn't play into his drama (at least not that he knew about).

Another time, just before that, we received similar texts from him. Right after he sent us the alarming messages, he went out for steak and lobster dinner with his GF and her parents, having a lovely time while we allowed ourselves to be sick with grief and worry for hours.

Right after I found this site, and after the last 'suicide text', I sent my AS an email telling him that I will not allow him to emotionally and verbally abuse me anymore. I'm working on changing my responses to him, and so far I've been consistent in that I've not allowed myself to get sucked into his drama. Your ex's texts are emotional abuse. If you block his texts, you will no longer feed his abusive behavior. When the behavior no longer works, he'll stop it with you, but probably move on to someone else who will nourish his sickness.

For me, I had to go ahead and cry, feel the grief until I was sick of it, then I started distancing myself. I've felt much better since.

KuanYin

I'm sorry for your painful experience. I can guess you had a loved one commit suicide. My AS has been Baker Acted and Marchman Acted (a Florida provision for Substance Abusers) more than a dozen times. We've always taken my AS's threats seriously. I believe at the moment he genuinely felt that way, like just not living anymore. But we've been unable to "help him" and have been unwittingly enabling him to the point that we were suffering more than he was. I think there's a finite amount that a person can do for another when they really do not want help.

zoso77

My AXGF back in June pulled a stunt for the ages.

The day before, she picked a fight just for the saking of picking a fight. And, seeing it for what it was, I didn't engage. But that evening, around 2 AM, she roared up to my house, stormed in, and started calling me every name in the book and wouldn't let me sleep.

I was scared. Really scared. But I didn't want to call the cops and have my neighbors questioning what was going on. So, I slept in one of my spare rooms. The next day, she was calling me, asking if we were done. And I said, yeah, we were, until she could start acting resonsibly...

...well, she then texted me saying she wasn't safe. Since I was at work, I told her to call 911 or go to the ER. She refused, so I blew her off for the rest of the day. It wasn't until I got home that night when she escalated it. She sent a series of goodbye texts that I had to take seriously. I spent most of that evening on the phone with her best friend. Eventually, I figured out where she was heading: to one of the tallest bridges in my state. We called the cops of those towns, where they were waiting for her.

She was angry that we called the cops.

What I will always remember is breaking down on the phone with her best friend. The helplessness, the agony. It wasn't until months later, when I started reading up on BPD, that this was manipulation of the highest order, engineered to change the subject from her horrible behavior to I'm gonna kill myself.

That night was beyond awful...

Krystal32

Oh my gosh Karrie, I am so so sorry for what you are going through and that you're in so much pain. My heart truly aches for you but you need to listen to what people are telling you on here and call the authorities NOW, this is nothing to mess around with. NO ONE can really say whether or not he's actually going to go through with it. You can make that phone call and then you have done all that you can to help. I agree with everyone else when they say that after you make the call, you need to take yourself out of the situation and leave him in gods hands. My thoughts and prayers are with you Karrie ((((HUGS))))

learningtofly

Thank you all for your posts.

I spoke to my therapist whom gave me some insight. I then call the suicide hotline . . I think it might of been the same one anvil recommmended. They are going to contact him and handle it from here. I will also try and contact his brother and maybe his roommate also tonight.

The lady with the hotline asked if I wanted to be in a threeway call when she called him and I said no. I told her I was just passing the info on and that I didn't want to get involved. I was impressed with myself. The old me would of been all in that phone call.

I will reach out to his brother and roommate so that there is a support system there for him. After doing that I am going to let it go. As hard as it might be and as much as I'm probably going to worry . . . I'm going to let go!

I am so sad that this happened. I am sad that he is so down that he would do this. I am sad that he thinks there is nothing to live for.

I am also sad that I am in this situation. I strayed from my marriage and opened myself up to a situation like this. Now I am in a mess. Another disfunctional relationship.

I feel like an emotional wreck!

Krystal32

You did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself for staying strong! Good for you! And there's no sense in blaming yourself for anything. The past is the past and you just need to remember what you have learned from this whole experience and move on from here. I know it's going to be impossible for you not to worry about him and that's understandable but take comfort in the fact of knowing that you helped him in every way that you could without putting yourself in harms way.

KelleyF

I think the way you are handling this is both responsible and compassionate.*

Your sadness is understandable; mistakes were made in the past; but your owning up to them, and all you can do now is continue to move forward in a positive manner.

I think you should be very proud because you didn't take the "HIS" problem approach while rushing to turn off your phone.

I also think you should be proud that you didn't grab that phone and try to personally rescue him, abandoning the closure' on that relationship.

There is a mid-point; and I think you found it.

Even if this was just a hoax, you did the right thing

In another thread; you said you were focusing on cleaning up your side of the Street, and doing the next best thing .....

Today you did that

Peace to you
Kel

onajourney

my ex threathened this several times claiming he had nothing to live for, always led me to phone family and friends, big rally round and getting him okay.
have lost twouncles to suicide, we never had an idea it would happen, notes left and we were all stunned.
either way you have so done the right thing, reporting it means you have done something about it but it is not your burden to carry, the only peace i learnt with my lost loved ones was accepting i would never understand why and remembering them for all the good in life they gave me.
it is not your fault he is like this well done for being strong.

learningtofly

Thank u all for your encouraging words. I am still feeling pretty sad today, however I am trying to stay positive and continue focusing on myself. I have not had any contact with the other man however he did text me a picture of me n him. I didn't respond.

I did talk to his brother and his roommate. They were both happy that I came to them and they both seemed worried but hopefully they will offer a support system to him.

I do have to admit I did drive by his work this morning just to c if he was alive and he was there. Uuuggg I'm going to be dreading Saturday but I will not get involved!!

endlesspatience

I agree with other people here in that you've done really well in reaching out to us as a community and asking for help with this situation. Interestingly, the AA meeting I was in last night touched on the theme of suicide (they're not always that bleak but that's the way it goes). Afterwards I talked to one of the people who had felt suicidal last year and he gave me some insight into the terrible state of mind that troubled him then. In fact, he'd try to kill himself in the home of a former partner WHILE HIS SON WAS IN THE HOUSE. What he hadn't done, as he explained, was call for help to the right people: Eg: a 12 step programe, a counsellor, a professional. He thought he was asking for help from his ex-partner and family but it wasn't really help he wanted, as he explained. He just wanted to draw them closer into his dark world which was fuelled by booze and drugs.

You on the other hand have found a good source of help. Keep using it please. We are still here, around the clock.

Hanna

KuanYin - I absolutely agree with you, there is only so much we can do and that is regardless of the sincerity of their threats.

My experience with suicide comes from two different situations. The first was successful but never really threatened. He'd always said he'd try it but figured he'd fail at that, too. When he came up with his plan he was very quiet about it. More recently, I had a similar text to what you described, from long distance though. Fortunately my loved one was not successful, but it was a sincere attempt which resulted in a month long hospital stay, broken bones and some internal damage.

The problem is that when someone is doped up and doing things they don't remember, they also may do something that they would never have done when they were sober. That's why I would call the police each and every time.

We had many many threats and he later explained spent months trying to figure out how to do this in a way he could stomach. He thought about shooting himself and had the gun to do it, but he said ultimately he just couldn't do that kind of violence to his own body. Pretty ironic considering the other damage he had been doing with drugs and alcohol. So he ingested some very toxic materials and hung himself. Fortunately, the rope broke. He fell 3 stories and all the years of drugs are probably what made him somewhat immune to the poison. This wasn't his first attempt but even knowing that there just isn't much help to be found for an adult who isn't willing to help themselves.

Ultimately he was released from the hospital. "Here you go! He's all yours. He probably won't try again today!" What I learned is that there's not much even the professionals can do. Today he's in a long term recovery program and finding reasons to want to live and to stay sober.

lonelystar

hi

so sorry to hear what your going through , what an absoultely awful position of him to put you into, its not enough we have to deal with watching the drug use, the mental abuse from them , the lies well the list goes on we then have to deal with suicide as well. I think you did the right thing contacting the authorities and letting the people close to him know whats going on, I think he is going through some very dark times and wants to make you as miserable as he is, dont let that happen there is a way out for him if he wants , but yes i agree that every suicide threat should be taken seriously and the right authorities need to be called. Take care