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The best of codependency

Old 02-01-2012, 12:10 PM
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The best of codependency

When I think of all of the crazy things I have done and allowed I just wonder what the heck. I catch myself all the time so I thought about starting this thread so we could share, learn and maybe shed light for others (or just be a little silly)

Some of my best of codependency momemts are also what I call my what the hell was I thinking moments:

-When AH and I go to a restuarant and I automatically order the cheapest thing on the menu bc I want to save us money and then he gets the most expensive thing . . and then I get pissed.

-AH was falling asleep from taking pain meds on halloween while we were tricker treating with my fam. They kept asking what was wrong with him and I was like "oh he just didn't get enough sleep"

-When AH stole my pain meds from when I had a c-section with our son I believed him when he said he had a really bad back ache

-After being on the phone with a friend or family member that was telling me about some kind of problem they had I would take it on as if it was my own problem. I can even remember talking to other friends and say how I was so stressed out about someone elses prob and they would look at me like I was crazy lol
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Old 02-01-2012, 12:20 PM
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--All of the excuses I had to make because my now RAH couldn't make it to my family functions because he was sleeping, or in pain, or sick from wd's. Oh how I am so sick of making excuses!!
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:48 PM
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- Calling around to all the outpatient rehab centers in town trying to find the perfect place for RABF

- Going with RABF to meet his dealer/friend so that he wouldn't be sneaking behind my back to get his pain meds.

- going through RABF's drawers and boxes looking for his stash

- checking RABF's phone to see if he was calling his dealer/friend

- not wanting friends to come over because I was afraid they'd see my RABF was high

- telling my family that RABF was sick or tired and that's why he was sleeping

- not staying out with friends because I wanted to keep RABF from getting high

- calling RABF multiple times during the day so that he'd feel like he wouldn't be able to get away with getting high

- allowing RABF to drive both of us even though I suspected that he was high & he was swerving

These are even more difficult to face because I was so young:
- answering the phone when my mom, the dealer, would have phone calls for more drugs

- lying for my mom to hide her drug use from the rest of the family

- living in a house with a mom who was selling drugs from the house (not that I had a choice)

- not calling the police or my family when my mom was being beaten up by boyfriend's (I was a kid)

- doing everything for my mom when she was hung over

- not saying anything when my mom was doing drugs with my friends (uh, yeah, that's a biggie)


You name it, I've done it.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:54 PM
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There was a thread like this eons ago, and it was both funny and sad at all we've done in our "best" codie moments..I'm glad you started another one.

The one that sticks out in my mind was when I was arguing with XABF#1 in the parking lot at work, one night. I sunk to the ground, in tears, and begged him to "beat the hell out of me because I could get over that faster than I can the words you're saying" and I was dead serious.

He didn't, I stayed with him another 10 years or so, developed my own addiction as a way to "deal with it", got 2 MORE XABF's, and then found SR I can laugh about some of the dumb things I did, but not this one.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:08 PM
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Went to one of the employees that worked for AH that he said he was getting pain pills from and I confronted her. She was in her 50's . . you never in a MILLION years would of thought this lady did drugs. She said she didn't know AH had a problem and she was just giving him a few every now and then for his "back" lol oh that back of his sure did hurt alot
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:37 PM
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- Taking away the bank card from him and then giving it back because I didn't want him to feel like I was controlling him. (believing he wouldn't spend our money on drinking and drugs)
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Old 02-01-2012, 06:34 PM
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During the time MrSofa and I were just friends, he OD'd by taking EVERYTHING he could get his hands one night out with friends. He flatlined and the DRs brought him back.

Shortly thereafter, we were having a deep talk about it, and he was confessing to me that he really wanted to get away from all those "bad" people and stay away from the drugs.
And this was the quintessential codie-nightengale moment when I made a promise to him:

"If you want me to help you, I promise I will. You just need to ask."

and he said "Could you please help me, I need you."

And that's the moment I fell head over heels in love. *sigh... he needed me. Spent 10 years "helping"...hey, I promised.

Also, he bought me a Tiffany pendant necklace for Christmas one year with money he stole from my purse. I pretended to be SO EXCITED and grateful for his generous and thoughtful gift.


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Old 02-01-2012, 09:27 PM
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First off, one needs to understand my tax returns will survive an IRS audit and I have never even had a parking ticket, let alone a moving violation. So this rough n tough (not) mama bursted through the back door of a crack house with the intent of removing my then 19 year old daughter ( who does not do crack). My sense at the time was that the occupants would be more afraid of me, than I was of them.

That same week, I physically imposed myself and car in the middle of a drug deal to prevent someone, with a gun in their pants, from selling dope to my daughter.

Right about the same time, I discovered my daughter on her hands and knees in my bedroom in the middle of the night. She was looking for my wallet and/or car keys. I was beyond exhausted and had enough. I got a rope and tied her to me and slept through the rest of the night with my baby girl next to me.

I was insane.
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Old 02-01-2012, 09:52 PM
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When I was working I was very close to my boss, he treated me like I was his daughter and once my fiance found out that my boss took pain pills, he would ask me to ask him if he could give him a few cause his "ankle hurt" and I did it for him more than once! How freaking humiliating is that??? Makes me cringe when I think about it
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:19 PM
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My REXAB..oh let's pick a few:

After a year of a come here, go away insane relationship I sad I REALLY had enough THIS time. He asked to come over in a sweet almost boy like voice I gave in of course and I gave me a speech how he has "really surrendered this time" and promised the world. I told my self I would give him one last chance AND then proceeded to give him about 15 more chances after that ONE LAST CHANCE.

Oh and he "really surrendered" to me 5 times

Believed him when he said Grey Goose was the problem and he was solving it by only drinking wine.

I always gave into "it's hard for me to move forward when you are so upset with me about the past". Made me feel guilty so I tried to stuff my feelings for him.

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Old 02-01-2012, 10:45 PM
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I knew my daughter was abusing pills, when she jammed a baggie full of them in my hand as we were boarding a plane. She was paranoid and knew I would go along with it, out of shock and fear of being busted. Not only did I give them back to her to flush down the toilet, I believed her later, when she said she did.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:52 AM
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Last weekend, I was looking online for ways to help my long suffering DP and his pot head AS. I stumbled upon these boards and had the biggest learning experience of my life. After reading so many people's experiences, I went from taking the first steps of "trying to help" (Yeah, right; as if the family are going to listen to an outsider's pearls of wisdom!) to refusing to get involved, in a very short space of time. I was so very close to becoming codependent. I will never be able to thank you all for helping me see clearly just in time.
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