Built up anger
 

I don't even know where to begin. My AHR asked me to become a member of this forum to help me along with his recovery process, especially if I had any questions, so I decided to because of my anger and frustrations at this process of his recovery. He was on norcos for pain which began two years ago. He had back surgery and unfortunately we didn't have any doctors that wanted to help him with a weaning process so he chose to go to a rapid detox facility two weeks ago. Everything went well, well that's what the doctor said, and we got back home from a week away recovering from being under anesthesia for 8 hours. I expected him to be on a roller coaster emotionally/mentally so he's had a couple good days and then all of the sudden it's two steps back. His body is fighting him for pills, he's seeing the walls move, lights waving, his blood pressure is through the roof, and his anxiety is getting to the best of him, needless to say he has anxiety disorder already. He can't sleep! I'm frustrated and angry because through our entire relationship we've hit road blocks after road blocks, with his health and pain. I'm angry at our healthcare system, how the doctors just gave up on him and didn't even want to try to find the underlying issues to his pain, but instead just thought he wanted more pain meds for addiction.
I don't know what more to expect from this recovery process. He called his doctor yesterday and his doctor told him it was normal for vicodin to make him lose his vision in one eye and it was normal for him to have hallucinations, and it was normal for him to have leg cramps (all throught this withdrawal process)!! When is this going to end!! I've tried convincing him to go to an addictionologist/therapist and he's faught me saying he can't, he's not ready, his anxiety will only get worse. I try to tell him they'll have some answers to help him cope, but he says he doesn't have any more faith in doctors. What do I do!! I cry, I want to scream, I want to run away, but I can't!! I need advice... help!

Welcome to Sober Recovery Hollywood.

There are helpful stickies at the top of the forum.

What is an AHR?

AHR is addicted husband in recovery

Hey....take it easy. Breathe. You're going to be OK. You've come to the right place.

What you have to appreciate is you can't make your husband do something he doesn't want to do. You can't force solutions on people. It doesn't matter if you're right and he's wrong. The only person you're responsible for you is you, and I can guarantee you if you keeping trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, you will drive yourself nuts.

It's not my place to give advice. I can offer general suggestions on how you can manage your own feelings during what is a very difficult time. At the top of that list is finding a Nar Anon (or Al Anon) meeting nearby. Knowledge is power. Read the posts here, especially the sticky notes up at the top.

Be kind to yourself today. Take care of yourself today. You're going to be OK. Take advantage of what the board has to offer. You'll be glad you did.

Best,
ZoSo

Unlike cynical one, I don't think there's anything bad about rapid detox, as long as it's followed up by rehab and medical aftercare.

My RAD did a rapid detox the first time, and I was with her through every step of it, minus the general anesthesia. The opiate receptors in her brain were thoroughly scrubbed while she slept through withdrawals. She woke with no cravings or pain, but she was still left with a chemically unbalanced brain, just like if she went through traditional withdrawals.

All the anxiety that was there before addiction was worse. She had no coping skills and refused to follow up with an addictionologist for meds and therapy, though it was strongly encouraged. She still had an addicts mentality and the memory of the high that never goes away. She relapsed several months later.

It took her being sick and tired of being sick and tired, before she finally reached out for help from an addictionologist. Your husband is no different from every other addict and will do the same when he's ready. That may be tomorrow, it may be three years from now. It may be never.

It didn't take me too long to figure out I had zero control of my RAD's process, but that didn't keep me from trying until I had enough.

I had no intention of 'quitting' my daughter, so I had to learn how to deal with her addiction. It meant letting her own her disease; it did not belong to me. The 12 steps and an addictionologist helped me do that.

For your own well being, please "work the recovery program you wish he would."

I doesn’t sound like rapid detox worked all that well, he is still having physical wd symptoms.

No medical advice, just the facts of wd.

A lot of what he is going through is simply wd, including hallucinations which can be a part of wd but usually is at the onset.

What isn’t normal is losing sight in one eye and or wavy vision and always no matter what anyone has been through requires medical attention. Please encourage him to see someone and get checked out to be sure this is related to his addiction/rapid detox/wd and nothing else.


Now how are you, and are you getting any support for you? It is extremely important that you do and that you make time to take good care of you. He is most capable of taking care of himself.

For some reason norcos bind totally different to him, even the doctor that did the detox thought he was on more than just the norcos because of what his symptoms consisted of from the withdrawals on just 6 pills a day. (he hated any other pills like oxy's or percs because they made him feel weird) The doctor told us it'll take up to three weeks for him to feel alright from the wd's but after that it's all physcological, which Im trying really hard to be prepared for myself. I truley think that he thought the rapid detox was going to be easier on him and that he thought he would wake up feeling great and not have any problems. (There really isn't too much information on the internet to prepare what rapid detox can do to the body)
The vision problems I question also but he didn't say anything about it yesterday to me, so I assume he's just not telling me what's going on with him internally, that it's still a problem or that he's actually okay. He also hasn't been sleeping well which I know is connecting to his anxiety, which in turn raises his blood pressure, which has been extremely high. Scary high!!

As for me, I workout, I've been a freak at working out, well except for last week (I was so tired and haven't been able to sleep well either because I'm so worried about him). I talk to very few people about what's going on with him, SR, one friend and his parents (who have been extremely supportive throughout this who thing). It's tough because I want a mirracle to happen and everything to be normal but than again I don't think I would know what normal felt like because we've been battling his pain for 4years if not longer.

Believe him.

Have you considered the possibility that he has been using more than 6 pills a day or he was using other pain meds? Addiction rewires the brain to protect and sustain addiction at all costs. Most addicts are not honest with themselves let alone anyone else, just how far in they are.

He hated other pain meds. If he tried oxy, perc, or even dilated at the hospital they didn't touch him. He still had pain and he didn't like the way those made him feel. Like I said, his body binds differently to norcos and those seemed to be the only pills that helped him.
Wholy cow, I feel like an enabler now since I'm sitting here thinking about what has gone on since June. I feel like a dumb***!!! I'm angry at how ignorant I am and stupid I was.
Two years ago he fell down the stairs, had to be rushed to the ER and come to find out it was a back injury but we didn't find that out till later because at the time he had no health insurance. So between the time of no insurance and finally having health insurance he was getting pills off of the street. After finding out he had blown a disc and had to have surgery they gave him pain meds and then after surgery (in June 2011) the doctor told him he shouldn't be in pain anymore and wanted to cut him off of his norcos completely. Well unfortunately he was still in a huge amount of pain and had a few injections in his back from his pain management doctor that ended up working. At which point is when he decided to start the weaning process. The doctor wanted to cut one pill a week at a pace that he couldn't handle. Then in November he decided that he wanted to go to detox, his doctor prescribed him 5 pills a day until our appointment, in which I held onto the pills and gave him his alotted amount every morning. Come to find out three days before the prescription should have been up there were 15 pills missing. I felt stupid and angry that I was that ignorant not to count to make sure he was on track and wasn't stealing from me. His excuse, the holidays were coming and wanted to feel normal around family, he didn't want to be in pain and wanted to be anxiety free to make me happy!! Well we finally made an appointment in January two weeks ago and got enough pain meds from the doctor to help him get to his detox without going through full blown wd, at which point I gave him 6 pills a day for two weeks till his appt.
I truely believe he's been honest with me, he had no reason to lie to the detox doctor, he was getting clean why lie? right?
Now he brings up him stealing the pills from me and how he feels horrible for lieing and not talking to me. We have the magic of communication in our relationship and he's been pretty honest with me surprisingly!! Well that's what I believe anyway...