Kindeyes

I started to title this thread "changing tactics" and then I realized that.....this really isn't a case of changing tactics. It's the same ol' addict strategies at work.

When my husband opened the garage door at 5:45am this morning to leave for work, he discovered our AS's car in the driveway. We haven't seen or heard from him in over a month.

We decided that it would be best to get me out of the house. So I jumped in the shower.....(here I have to interject that my husband walked in while I was in the shower and said "Stop crying!" because he heard noises that he assumed were sobs). I replied "I'm not crying I'm PRAYING!"--maybe it was one of those times when you had to be there.....but that strikes me as very funny.)

My husband waited as I dressed, we got in the car, set the recently installed, state-of-the-art security system and left.

Initially, caught off guard and not fully awake, my codie reponse kicked into high gear. The thoughts of "maybe he's dead in his car" or "maybe he's hurt" (some of you may recall that he was severely beaten a few months ago--pistol whipped--and shot at--hospitalized). I expressed these thoughts and my dear husband replied "If he's dead--he'll still be dead when we get home from work." Wow.....how's that for calm.

I have no idea what's going on with my AS. He's in crisis or he wouldn't be sleeping in his car in our driveway. But with a little help from my DH, I am safely at work and turning to my friends here on SR and my HP for help and support. And AS will do whatever he's going to do--he'll either sit there until we get home from work tonight or he'll leave--frustrated that he couldn't take a run at me.

If it wasn't so darn early in the morning, I'd call my sponsor. lol

More will be revealed with time and I know that my thinking about it isn't going to make time move faster or change anything. So I'm going to get some work done and stop to pray periodically through the day.

Thanks for reading. It felt good to get it out of me so that I could do something productive. Letting go and letting God.

gentle hugs
ke

suki44883

(((HUGS))) You're going to be fine. I dearly love your husband.

ISOHumility

You are such an inspiration to me, KE. It helps to know that even those of us who have been there, done that know what to do--not because they're better people, or even smarter people, but because they have put in the hard work to learn how to make the hard decisions.

Thanks for sharing that. Your post has it all--experience, strength, and hope.

Kindeyes

Yeah....he's a keeper.

Kindeyes

This made me chuckle as my husband is the inspiring one....not me. I thought my post just goes to show that when a recovering codependent is in sleep mode, their instinct is still codependent--no matter how much work they've put in.

gentle hugs
ke

ISOHumility

But you didn't panic, and you let go and let God. Surely harder for a codependent to do that, then someone for whom letting go may be more natural.

Also, I reread my first post to you...I didn't mean to imply that you weren't smart, just that anyone who puts in the work, and is rigorously honest, can do what you've done. (That helps me a lot, to know that--takes away all my excuses, lol.)

Kindeyes

lol......I didn't take it at all that you were suggesting that I wasn't smart. I think you hit an important point though.....codependency has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence or lack thereof. It is a specific set of behavior patterns that are often lifelong and learned as children. It takes a lot of time and effort to unlearn those behaviors. It's that realization that helps me understand that it is just as hard for the addict to unlearn their behaviors. I have a lot of compassion for addicts but that doesn't mean that it's my job to do the work for the addict that he should do for himself.

gentle hugs
ke

Hanna

(((Hugs))) and prayers

Kindeyes

Well his car was gone when we got home so at least I know he's alive. I'll be thankful for that.