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I am starting to HATE her!

Old 01-27-2012, 03:52 PM
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I am starting to HATE her!

My closest friend, whom I have talked about in my first post, is fast becoming a blight on my life. She called me last night and I let it go to message. She told me she was on her second bottle of vodka and would like my 'exuberant' phone company. I felt like picking up the phone and telling her to call an undertaker instead because I am of no help.

Putting a lid on my drinking has not been an easy task and I have had a few binges since my campaign which I planned, enjoyed productively and didn't bother anybody with. I know she is jealous because she is seeing my positive results in her face all the time.

I don't like her. I loved her once and I will always love her but I do not like her any more. With her ever-increasing intake comes more bile and hatred. She is full of self-loathing and I am quickly becoming the opposite.

She was fun to be with when both of us were drunks but I can't stand to be with her now that I am getting my act together. Her jealousy is becoming corrosive and it occupies my mind everyday.

I know this is passive-aggressive but does anyone have any tips on how to phase out a friendship such as ours? The longer I stay sober, the more I am despising her and the less we have in common. I don't have any other friends and I want to meet new people which will be inevitable soon anyway

I appreciate your opinions.
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Old 01-27-2012, 04:11 PM
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Welcome to SR I'm a newbie to this forum as well.
Whenever ive made major life changes there has always been some necessary house cleaning. I'm a Codie (co dependent) and the more I focussing on my self and not on everyone else as I use to, some people mainly addicts don't like the new me and the new me is better able to detach from them.
IMO since your friend isn't in recovery she won't be able to listen respect or understand your needs anyway as its all about her and booze.
Just establish NC and soon enough I bet she will go find another person to cling to for drinking support.
You are amazing for making such a great life change don't let anyone or anything take that away from you.
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Old 01-27-2012, 04:20 PM
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Why phase it out? If you're done, then be done. Block her number and move on. You don't need to explain anything...she won't get it anyway. If you're done, then be done.
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Old 01-27-2012, 04:24 PM
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I'd start with telling her that you can't talk to her while she's drinking any longer, because it isn't healthy for you. I suspect you won't hear from her much after 2-3 times of refusing to talk while she's drunk.
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Old 01-27-2012, 07:49 PM
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Thanks. It is inevitable that my friend and I will have to be part and I know there is no soft landing. She has plenty of other people to enjoy the misery with, the same people we hung out with 20 years ago. Just being at her 50th birthday party was affirmation enough that I am doing wonderfully.

Strangely, getting sober seems to incited hostility so much more than getting off speed ever did. My speedfreak friends really didn't give a **** about me once I moved away from the fold.
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Old 01-27-2012, 08:16 PM
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AjnaT...

My only comment would be monitor your anger. Don't feed it. You can be angry about her choices, and that's legitimate. One of my guys in Al Anon once said you don't fight anger with anger, and you don't fight hate with hate. You can only fight those with love. If you do end contact, in your own mind and heart, wish her well. That helps heal us, too.

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