Tips on leading a group
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Tips on leading a group
I'll be leading my first group meeting next week and I'm looking for suggestions. Although I've really grown attached to the people at this group, the meetings themselves can be depressing.. The status quo is to start with the required readings then they just go around the room and everyone talks about how their A is currently doing, what programs are working, how to tell if the A is using, etc the focus seems to be totally on the ALO. The last few weeks I've left the meeting more depressed than when I got there!
So... Next week is my turn to lead. I want to try to make the meeting more focused on recovery for US and providing strength to each other but since this is the only 12 step meeting I've ever attended I'm not really sure how to do that. Any suggestions? Can someone at least share a basic format of how a meeting usually runs? I hear people say that you don't have to talk at meetings unless you want to but here they literally go around the room and ask each person what's going on with them. I can tell there are people who would rather not talk but when you're put on the spot like that you feel compelled to say something. so I'm guessing that's not the norm. or maybe my expectations are wrong?? I'm not sure.
So... Next week is my turn to lead. I want to try to make the meeting more focused on recovery for US and providing strength to each other but since this is the only 12 step meeting I've ever attended I'm not really sure how to do that. Any suggestions? Can someone at least share a basic format of how a meeting usually runs? I hear people say that you don't have to talk at meetings unless you want to but here they literally go around the room and ask each person what's going on with them. I can tell there are people who would rather not talk but when you're put on the spot like that you feel compelled to say something. so I'm guessing that's not the norm. or maybe my expectations are wrong?? I'm not sure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi Heartbroken. My experience is from Alanon meetings. First, is it possible to try other meetings in the area? It took me a couple ones before I found one that felt just right. IMO, you should leave a meeting feeling better than when you walked into it.
As for leading next week, if you can pick a reading, maybe choose one about putting the focus back on ourselves or taking care of ourselves, and then share how you've been doing that or that you'd like to hear how others have done it. If you could help to bring more focus onto "self" instead of the addict, that would be a wonderful gift to the group.
At my meetings, it's up to the leader to decide the topic - whether it's readings from the literature or some other relevant topic. She/he reads the normal stuff, like the steps and so on, then shares for a few minutes about herself/himself and what recovery has looked like for them, how it's helped them (where they were and where they are now), or about a certain issue they've been dealing with. Then, the leader decides whether to go around the room or have a "tag" meeting so others can call on the next person. Sometimes we have meetings that are open to whoever wants to go first. Kind of awkward at first, but it gives those who want to share a chance, and those who don't want to, don't have to say no. And a person who doesn't feel like sharing, doesn't. They just pass for the night. It isn't a place anyone should feel pressured.
But overall, try not to stress about it. Speak from the heart and the rest will all work out. Hope you have a great first meeting.
As for leading next week, if you can pick a reading, maybe choose one about putting the focus back on ourselves or taking care of ourselves, and then share how you've been doing that or that you'd like to hear how others have done it. If you could help to bring more focus onto "self" instead of the addict, that would be a wonderful gift to the group.
At my meetings, it's up to the leader to decide the topic - whether it's readings from the literature or some other relevant topic. She/he reads the normal stuff, like the steps and so on, then shares for a few minutes about herself/himself and what recovery has looked like for them, how it's helped them (where they were and where they are now), or about a certain issue they've been dealing with. Then, the leader decides whether to go around the room or have a "tag" meeting so others can call on the next person. Sometimes we have meetings that are open to whoever wants to go first. Kind of awkward at first, but it gives those who want to share a chance, and those who don't want to, don't have to say no. And a person who doesn't feel like sharing, doesn't. They just pass for the night. It isn't a place anyone should feel pressured.
But overall, try not to stress about it. Speak from the heart and the rest will all work out. Hope you have a great first meeting.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
In the opening that is read at our meetings, it says "in Al Anon we strive to keep the focus on ourselves and not on the alcoholic." And I look for Al Anon groups that use that strategy, as it's healthier for me.
In my old home group in Dallas, there were some pretty good "old timers" who would stop someone from going off on a tangent for too long, or if s/he started telling all the things that the A had been doing. They'd say "gosh it sounds like you're really struggling, and one of us will be glad to talk with you more one-on-one after the meeting. Tonights topic is gratitude. Do you have something to share about that? if not, NEXT?"
In the meetings I lead, I often use the topic of "gratitude". It's one of the ways I learned to keep it about ME - what am I thankful for today?
Perhaps in your opening, when you start to talk about your topic and why you chose it, you can use yourself as a (hypothetical) subject and say you're really working on keeping the focus on yourself. Then, possibly, the others who speak will do the same.
It's worth a try!
In my old home group in Dallas, there were some pretty good "old timers" who would stop someone from going off on a tangent for too long, or if s/he started telling all the things that the A had been doing. They'd say "gosh it sounds like you're really struggling, and one of us will be glad to talk with you more one-on-one after the meeting. Tonights topic is gratitude. Do you have something to share about that? if not, NEXT?"
In the meetings I lead, I often use the topic of "gratitude". It's one of the ways I learned to keep it about ME - what am I thankful for today?
Perhaps in your opening, when you start to talk about your topic and why you chose it, you can use yourself as a (hypothetical) subject and say you're really working on keeping the focus on yourself. Then, possibly, the others who speak will do the same.
It's worth a try!
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