InnocntBystnder

Tonight in Al-anon the readings were about control. We read out of Courage to Change and ODAT.

I found that so many of these readings applied to me and the way I am.

I tend to attempt to control and micromanage a lot of things. Even things that really aren't in my control.

When I was living with my AH, even when he was in recovery, I would ask him the same questions over and over again or treat him more like a child than an equal. When I feel like you are being wronged by someone, it is hard not to attempt to control them all the time. To nag them about their recovery or their way of doing things is an attempt to control them. Doing this is an attempt to get the answer that I want to get and not the answer I am getting.

I KNOW that this is going to be very hard for me to let go of. It is repeating step one over and over and over again. If I could admit that I am powerless and REALLY apply it to my life instead of just saying it, then I might be able to let go of the control.

I sure hope it gets easier with time.

ISOHumility

Man, your post hit home for me.

i don't ask the same questions over and over again. I just say the same things over and over again. It drives my 15-year-old son crazy.

He's in rehab now and will be back home in a few weeks. I hope to do things a lot differently--or at least begin to attempt to do things differently.

I am a controlling person. I can hardly believe it. Seriously, I almost can't believe it. But deep in my heart, I know it's true, and that I have to change.

Kindeyes

I am also guilty of being controlling....most of us believe at some point that we can control our addicted loved one.

The opposite of control is acceptance. Acceptance that the addict as the right to live their life as they choose. Acceptance that we can't change them. Acceptance that their disease may kill them. Those are hard things to accept but for me, acceptance is where I find serenity.

gentle hugs
ke

Ilovemysonjj

Hi everyone, this is me to a Tee. I am a control FREAK! I do exactly that, ask the same question over and over even when I know I am getting a bald faced lie in response as I hoep against hope with a different response.
Kinedeyes hit the nail on the head. Accept the addict as they are, not what I am trying to make them be !

bluoval

Someone once told me that "any time you try to control something, you have already lost control." Good advice that's stayed with me for many years.

ctg492

Me too
I kept my sons on short chains growing up. I was a stay at home Mom as nobody could care for them the way I could.....Look at the one now and what he is overcoming.
All in the name of Love .

InnocntBystnder

Thanks all. I can think back to instances even in my early teenagehood where I attempted to control something that wasn't really in my control.

I am also the adult child of an alcoholic too though and I think that is part ofthe reason that I started my controlling so early in life.