Adult Relationships
 

I am new to this whole thing. I am struggleing with my husbands road to recovery. Since we met 10 years ago he has been an alcoholic. For the last 5 years I have begged him to get sober. Now that he is nothing has changed that I thought would.

He is still always working on his projects instead of helping with the kids. I think the dads should just help or do things like change diapers without being told when to do it or to be asked to do it.

His temper is stilll short and can be very out of control. Although he has never hurt me or my children.

Our sex life is virtually non existent. This is the part that bothers me the most he can change the other things but if he isn't attracted to me I can't help him to work on this.

A lot of times we (family members of addicts) think that the behavior comes along with addiction when in reality, it doesn't. I think it might be exacerbated by the addiction or become more prevalent but that the behaviors are there anyway. I think that is where a recovery program comes into play.

I KNOW I am controlling but when I don't have a "reason" to be controlling, I can usually keep it....well....controlled. As soon as a stressor or "reason" for me to be controlling arises, that behavior manifests itself 10 fold. That is where MY recovery comes into action.

Obviously, he has issues since he is being a jerk to you otherwise but those are going to be up to him to see about and take care of.

The sex thing, I also agree is not personal. Drug users/alcoholics get chemically messed up by using for all those years. Their "feel good" receptors are damaged and it takes years to repair, if it ever fully does.

I think many of us attribute too much to addiction. So often it seems that once someone is sober, they are still not the person we want/need them to be. Is it him or is it our hopeful fantasy/expectation? Likely it's both.

Short tempers and outbursts can cause as much hurt/harm, if not more than physical abuse, especially when there are children involved.

His unwillingness to engage with his family and /or have sex with you likely has nothing to do with you. He sounds miserable in his own skin.

Have you considered marriage counselling?