Money missing...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 20
Money missing...
I am really feeling down. A couple of days ago I sold a piece of furniture. I had a couple of $100 bills in my purse, hadn't gotten around to depositing the money. Today I found that one of the $100 bills is missing. Nobody has been in the house except for me and my two sons, as far as I know.
A couple of weeks ago I was pretty sure somebody lifted $10 from my purse. At that time I asked both sons (separately) if they had taken money from my purse. Both denied it adamantly. At around that same time I found that a large jar of coins (probably with at least $35 worth of coins in it) had disappeared. Again, neither son knew anything about it.
Now, with the $100 bill missing, I am really feeling violated. I asked each son (separately) and they both denied it. It's just so hard to make an accusation when I don't know with absolute certainty that it was one of them that took it. Although the probability is that that is the case.
I feel so sad. Knowing that one of my sons stole from his own mother. If they would have just come clean about taking the money, apologized, and returned it, that would be one thing. But the complete denial. I'm so disappointed and sad.
A couple of weeks ago I was pretty sure somebody lifted $10 from my purse. At that time I asked both sons (separately) if they had taken money from my purse. Both denied it adamantly. At around that same time I found that a large jar of coins (probably with at least $35 worth of coins in it) had disappeared. Again, neither son knew anything about it.
Now, with the $100 bill missing, I am really feeling violated. I asked each son (separately) and they both denied it. It's just so hard to make an accusation when I don't know with absolute certainty that it was one of them that took it. Although the probability is that that is the case.
I feel so sad. Knowing that one of my sons stole from his own mother. If they would have just come clean about taking the money, apologized, and returned it, that would be one thing. But the complete denial. I'm so disappointed and sad.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I'm sorry, aviatrix, but both of your sons are very disrespectful toward you. How is that 30 day move-out notice coming along. Has your younger son been looking for another place? Are you going to stand by your decision that he leave?
If nothing changes, nothing changes, hon. Changes have to be made or you will continue to go through these same things over and over again. You know they are the ones taking your money, regardless of what they say.
If nothing changes, nothing changes, hon. Changes have to be made or you will continue to go through these same things over and over again. You know they are the ones taking your money, regardless of what they say.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I felt sick every time my son stole from me. I ended up sleeping with my purse under my pillow. He always denied it but I knew. When we know we know, you just don't know which one...or maybe you do.
I once left $10 in a corner of the kitchen counter, and either mice or my son took the bait. Even so, it didn't help me stop him.
Sadly, like many here, I learned to lock up my valuables, hide my medications, and never leave a checkbook out (he would steal checks from the middle so I wouldn't notice right away).
For me, it became so bad I had to make him leave. I had lost my "safe place" when I had to protect it from those who lived there. I changed the locks and still took care because my son was very good even when visiting...he once got a portable TV out in his backpack.
He has been missing for many years now, but he is still not allowed in my home. I don't feel guilty because he caused this situation himself.
I am sorry for your pain.
Hugs
I once left $10 in a corner of the kitchen counter, and either mice or my son took the bait. Even so, it didn't help me stop him.
Sadly, like many here, I learned to lock up my valuables, hide my medications, and never leave a checkbook out (he would steal checks from the middle so I wouldn't notice right away).
For me, it became so bad I had to make him leave. I had lost my "safe place" when I had to protect it from those who lived there. I changed the locks and still took care because my son was very good even when visiting...he once got a portable TV out in his backpack.
He has been missing for many years now, but he is still not allowed in my home. I don't feel guilty because he caused this situation himself.
I am sorry for your pain.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 20
In response to Suki, I am sticking with the 30 day deadline for my oldest son. He has not spoken to me since December 28th, the day I gave him the notice, other than to deny taking the money a couple of hours ago when I asked him. Funny thing is, I really don't think he was the one that took the money. He has his problems, but so far he has always answered me truthfully when confronted. There are times he could have lied and gotten away with it, but he chose to tell the truth. His younger brother, however, has lied to me in the past, with a straight face.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
People who steal deny their crimes. Dies it even matter at this point, which son stole ?
The count down clock to month end will likely result in the loss of more money and stuff. You can put an end to this maddness and ask both of them to leave, today.
Do you have a friend or family member you can call to support you and get them out the door.
The count down clock to month end will likely result in the loss of more money and stuff. You can put an end to this maddness and ask both of them to leave, today.
Do you have a friend or family member you can call to support you and get them out the door.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
I'm sorry aviatrix, I know how bad it feels. I'd forgotten this incident until I read your post. I was looking over my bank statement online and noticed that a couple days earlier someone took $40 from my account from an ATM located at the bank at 1 am at night. I thought it was either my ex or my son, they both denied it, so I went to the bank and told the manager the problem and she pulled the surveillance tapes. She did. It was my son, in my car, with a girl who wasn't his girlfriend. It was a terrible sinking horrible feeling.
I can afford $40, I probably would have given him $40 had he asked. But it was that he took and lied--and that his lie was so convincing. It was the violation of a personal relationship that was so hurtful and saddening. And his ease with lying that was so disconcerting.
Hugs to you. I agree that you have the option to kick them out now, theft changes everything. But if you are sticking to the Jan 27 deadline, you only have 2 weeks left. I hope you will find peace soon. Lots of hugs to you.
I can afford $40, I probably would have given him $40 had he asked. But it was that he took and lied--and that his lie was so convincing. It was the violation of a personal relationship that was so hurtful and saddening. And his ease with lying that was so disconcerting.
Hugs to you. I agree that you have the option to kick them out now, theft changes everything. But if you are sticking to the Jan 27 deadline, you only have 2 weeks left. I hope you will find peace soon. Lots of hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by TiredandSpent 
I'm sorry aviatrix, I know how bad it feels. I'd forgotten this incident until I read your post. I was looking over my bank statement online and noticed that a couple days earlier someone took $40 from my account from an ATM located at the bank at 1 am at night. I thought it was either my ex or my son, they both denied it, so I went to the bank and told the manager the problem and she pulled the surveillance tapes. She did. It was my son, in my car, with a girl who wasn't his girlfriend. It was a terrible sinking horrible feeling.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I agree that theft changes things. Is there really any good reason to allow them to stay in your home when they are not only disrespectful, but are now stealing from you? Why give them two more weeks to steal even more and possibly do worse? You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home, so if someone is preventing that, get rid of them. It doesn't make you mean or unfair or heartless or anything else other than someone who is protecting herself from liars, users and theives.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
One thing I learned a long time ago was not to ask anyone a question that you already know the answer to. It just gives them a chance to lie and and argue and this muddles the whole situation.
In this case you could have said, "I have discovered that $100 is missing and I believe that one of you boys took the money. This has affected me in the following ways: 1) I am extremely hurt and the feeling of betrayal is profound. 2) I am very sad because I can only allow you to continue living here while mutual respect and trust are present. 3) Because this trust has been broken, I will no longer allow you to live in my home. You have one hour to pack some things and move out. I will make arrangements for you to get the rest of your things within the week."
In this case you could have said, "I have discovered that $100 is missing and I believe that one of you boys took the money. This has affected me in the following ways: 1) I am extremely hurt and the feeling of betrayal is profound. 2) I am very sad because I can only allow you to continue living here while mutual respect and trust are present. 3) Because this trust has been broken, I will no longer allow you to live in my home. You have one hour to pack some things and move out. I will make arrangements for you to get the rest of your things within the week."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: cleveland OH
Posts: 1
I am new here and reading these stories is... well, i feel like you are living my life. This has happened in our house many times. We put locks on the bedroom doors, i never left my purse out, or my husband's wallet. I felt like it wasn't even my home any more. For each time my son lied about taking the money felt like a dagger in my heart because i knew he did it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
I have to add here becuase i feel guilty,
my son never stole from us , thusfar, but we still took precautions against him, hiding wallets, purses locking up valuables, maybe it was just his desperate behavior , my husband was worse at it than me , i used to think he was crazy , but i have to say i do feel bad thinking that way about him , but honestly what other way is there to think of a drug user, especially when needs drugs??? , sorry to hear what your going through aviatrix , it sucks to know have someone you live more than anything hurt you in so many ways , take care
my son never stole from us , thusfar, but we still took precautions against him, hiding wallets, purses locking up valuables, maybe it was just his desperate behavior , my husband was worse at it than me , i used to think he was crazy , but i have to say i do feel bad thinking that way about him , but honestly what other way is there to think of a drug user, especially when needs drugs??? , sorry to hear what your going through aviatrix , it sucks to know have someone you live more than anything hurt you in so many ways , take care
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hi, addicts steal. I made too many excuses too many times about missing money, all the while all of my valuables were taken, hawked and now gone forever.
Don't hide from the truth. THere is a pattern of taking and it will stop when you no longer house the addict. Even then, it is very important to lock up your valuables. If they are desperate enough, they won't think twice about breaking in and taking anything they need.
Sorry and hugs from another Momma
TT
Don't hide from the truth. THere is a pattern of taking and it will stop when you no longer house the addict. Even then, it is very important to lock up your valuables. If they are desperate enough, they won't think twice about breaking in and taking anything they need.
Sorry and hugs from another Momma
TT
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