Has anyone called CPS/police to get kids out?
 

Hi I was just wondering if anyone has ever successfully removed the child/ren from their addicted parents. I am in that situation. The first time CPS didn't really do anything. She had a hunch that we were on to her and hid it very well. This time around we need to succeed because we hear the child is showing signs of abuse and he is 3 now. Any advice is appreciated.

If you know abuse is occuring in that home, please call the police directly and tell them. They will not call to warn somene they are coming, they just show up.

Be the squeaky wheel. That child has no one advocating for her safety or best interests. If you can do that, then do it.

When I discovered that my son and his girlfriend had relapsed on meth, using needles, and that people were coming and going from their home, I called Children's Aid where I lived and they connected with Children's Aid where my son lived, who investigated and removed their 2 year old child to a "safe house" where even I didn't know where she was...but I knew she was safe.

The girlfriend/mother of the child had 7 years recovery before she relapsed, and immediately got back on the recovery wagon, and got her child back after 6 months of sobriety and positive "actions' like meetings and working her program. Sadly, my son didn't follow and his girlfriend banished him from her home and her life (wise girl).

I strongly believe that someone must be the voice of the child. They are the innocents here and someone has to protect them. If I am that person, I will do so no matter how much it costs me in my relationships with anyone else.

Please do what you need to do. This child's life may depend on it.

Hugs

Call the police. Keep calling until you know they've done something if you know that the child is being abused. It is absolutely possible to get the child removed from a dangerous environment. You're doing a good thing, keep at it.

Police are more effective when trying to first get the child out. I confronted a social worker at my school to get my sister and I out (we were both quite a bit older than this kid though) who then got the police involved because they are obligated to report it. CPS is really there to intervene after the icky stuff is already taken care of such as removing the child and arresting anyone who has to be arrested, at least that's how it was in my experience. CPS sets up counseling, supervised visits, and advocates for the child after they have been removed.

I wish our neighbors had called specifically to get us out when my sister and I were much younger (we had the police at our house for many other unrelated reasons though, numerous times...called by the neighbors). Probably would have saved us both a ton of pain... People like you who are willing to help are a godsend to kids in this situation.

There is no question you are doing the right thing!!! Depending on how overworked your CPS is, they often look for certain words to determine if they must respond to a call, and how urgently they must respond. It is important to stress that you believe a child is in "imminent danger". Many times they will explicitly ask you this question and, if you say no, that basically gives them authority to put it behind other cases where people said yes! If a child is living with an addict they ARE in imminent danger. If you see the child and see any signs of abuse be sure to document -- take a photo and, if you can, take the child in to a hospital. If you are in an urban area many large hospitals have an on-call CPS team that will do emergency assessments. Good luck.

I did it.
 

Yes I did report it to the police, however I had to do it online since I do not live in that country. I am trying to get others to speak up to but it's not as easy. I am sick to my stomach and can't sleep. She won't go to rehab and she won't give up custody. We tried once with CPS but they didn't do anything and didn't even update us on what was going on. It was so frustrating. Thank you all for your replies and words of encouragement.

You did the right thing, you did "something". The outcome is out of your hands, so just rest assured that it was most definitely the right thing to do.

Hugs

P.S. To SpeedyJason...thank you and bless you for sharing your own pain as a child, Jason, it helps us mamas to see that doing "something" may help.

Working with CPS can be frustrating sometimes. They are there to protect children but they are also required to work to keep families together. Even if it looks like nothing is happening it is still good to call and let them know.

My other sister who lives in the same country as her is calling right now as I type!... I also hope my email conversations with AS will prove that she needs help. It's so sad that it's come to this but her addiction has been over a decade now. Her addictive personality does not help either. I hope the authorities act soon.

at a lost
 

My friend who has direct contact with my AS and her 3yr old has just informed me that if CPS calls her she will state the facts but will say that she has NOT witnessed any direct harm toward the toddler that warrents him being taken away!!! What will it take for her to see that she can not help change my AS. My friend is a family friend and cant imagine what my AS will do if we take her son away from her. I am at a lost. She is the one who has been informing us about all the things that are going on. OMG....I don't believe this.
I told her that the safety of the child is priority right now. i hope she comes around. I think my AS has been brainswashing her to think that we are not there for her so she feels for her.

I hope she comes around too. Perhaps point her in the direction of this board? I'm not sure if that would compromise your willingness to share (and if it does then I wouldn't), but she needs to understand how screwed up and dangerous the situation is.

If she fears what your AS will do to her if the child is taken away, she should be able to call anonymously so AS will have no idea who has reported her. Even if she has her suspicions that it is you guys who are actually sticking up for the child, what can she really do? Nothing. She can go crazy in her own hell because it's her terrible, awful decisions that got her in this mess. Perhaps losing the one thing that actually means something to her will waken her up a bit. I hope so anyway.

Either way, if your friend does call CPS and only tells "the facts," it is possible that it will launch an investigation, so don't give up all hope yet. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and I feel really sorry for that little kid too...Thank you for not giving up.

My friend alerted my AS that we may report her!!! Can you believe that??? She's getting sucked in by my AS who tries to play poor victim. She emailed me to tell me that she does not support my calling CPS, well guess what- I have everything she told me on email!!! I've also emailed the CPS all the crazy emails my AS has been sending me, threatening to run off if we report. I just hope emails will be enough for them to get poor baby out. :(

I'm sorry ((Sister77)). I hope they at least launch an investigation with all the things you've sent them. Still sending good thoughts your way and for the child.

Speedy- my friend is afraid of what AS will do to herself if the child is taken away from her.

That's understandable, I suppose. If she lost her child, perhaps it will be motivation enough to get clean and stay clean. There is always a chance of worse outcome, but if the AS has any sense, she would realize that loosing her child and not trying to get clean to get her child back, and offing herself are essentially the same thing. I'm guessing she'd try with all her might to get her child back before she considered anything like suicide. She obviously wants to keep her child considering how much crap she is giving you guys about reporting her so chances are she would fight even after she lost him. She doesn't sound like the type of person to just "give up." I wish your friend understood that she is actively shielding the addict from consequences...and possibly subjecting the child to harm in the process. ((Sister77)) I understand your frustration, I wish I could help.

I have no doubt that she loves her son. She has always loved children. But he is also her income because she get's money from the govt to take care of him. No son- no cash too. I hate to think like that but I'm sure she's thinking about that too. :( I can't remember the last time AS was acting normal....these drugs have affected her so much and I think she may also be bipolar. She has a lot of grudges against me, because apparently I am the golden child. I love my sister and she can say all she wants about me, I just want this nightmare to end. I would love to think that she can change but I don't know if I have anymore hope left. I know many people have changed. In fact my other Sister used to take drugs with her, but she was strong enough to get out. I don't know how strong AS is. Please keep us in your prayers.

Speedy- how has your childhood experience affected you as an adult, if you don't mind me asking?

As A's are known to do I suspect AS used this 'ploy' on your friend to manipulate her. Tell your friend if she is going to befriend your AS she really needs to get to some Alanon meetings.

Tell her your AS is really hurting child emotionally and/or physically and that this will stay with the child for LIFE.

If your 'friend' (and I use the term loosely at this point) will not call CPS then you need to first call the police in AS town and talk with the Desk Sargent to see what they say and then I would forward 'copies' of everything to the woman you talked with at CPS, and if they do nothing, then it is time to get INSISTENT with the police.

J M H O but I would do everything I possibly could to rescue any child let alone a niece or nephew of mine. Yes, I have reported to abu ase to CPS before and I have called the cops when I have witnessed domestic violence.

My two pet peeves are Domestic Violence and child abuse. I have volunteered here where I have lived for the past 21 years, for quite a few years, at our Domestic Violence Center.

Please continue to work toward have that child removed from AS's home.

Love and hugs,

PS Check out our Adult Children of A's, it's will give you an idea of what this does to many children.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...holic-parents/

It's affected me a lot. It affects my relationships with other people, my relationship with myself, and my relationship with whatever God there may be (if there is one...I'm not much of a God believer at the moment).

More specifically, I have a lot of trust issues. A lot of anxiety when I am around other people simply because I drew myself in as a child as a form of protection and my social skills are sub-par. I always feel awkward, like I don't fit in anywhere...I don't feel connected to people very easily, mostly because of these trust issues. I feel as if I could move on from my friends with ease, like if they walked out of my life tomorrow, I wouldn't care (this is not true with all my friends though). I just can't get close to people because I'm too afraid of them hurting me or abandoning me like my parents have, the most important adults in a child's life. So...it takes a lot for me to trust people and let them be close. It takes a lot for me to let people actually love me and to let myself actually feel that love.

I carry PTSD around, though that is not really from the abuse, that stems from other things. I should say, it was uncommon that I was actually hit in my household, it did happen but it wasn't often. The abuse I've endured is emotional, verbal, neglectful sort of abuse...not so much the physical side. The physical things I did endure were scary, I don't know quite how to describe the feeling very well, but it's terrifying. I do hate it when people sneak up on me though and grab my shoulder or something like that...it still startles me. Definitely gets my heart going and not in a good way. I imagine if this child grows up being physically abused or emotionally abused during all his/her formative years, they're going to have a very very tough life ahead of them. It is crazy how unwanted it makes you feel... They might turn out like me and turn to drugs to numb the pain and continue the cycle, or they might seek out help early. I hope they choose the sensible choice...and if they are removed from the home, they are actually forced into this through family therapy in the very least.

There is more to me, but you get the gist. It's crazy how twisted you become when you live in a drugged up environment. You become amazing at keeping everything a secret, and keeping everything inside. Even now, it's difficult for me to express myself in person, I do it much better through writing which is a big reason why I love this forum and I'm not much of meeting-goer. People say to me often that, "You never get angry, do you? I've never seen you totally p*ssed off before." Doesn't mean I haven't been, I just don't express it. I don't confront people, generally because I've been taught that all emotion shown is bad and it comes with a lot of (unfair and incorrect) consequences. It does get better through therapy though, I can attest to that. People like me heal...it just takes a lot of time and work that no one ever wants to do. Truthfully, I wish I didn't have to do it, but if I don't my life is pretty much worthless, and I don't want to be worthless.

Speedy, thank you so much for sharing your stories with us. This is what I fear for my nephew. Even if my AS goes to rehab, I fear she will always relapse. She has this attraction to danger and people who are just bad influences. I want to spare this child from what you've gone through. He already will never know who his father is because his mom doesn't even know. I haven't heard from CPS or my AS yet. But apparently she's signed up for classes and so forth cos she knows we've reported her.