InnocntBystnder

So I went to Al-anon tonight, there are no nar-anon programs in my area. It has been a long time since I have been. I felt like it was for ME tonight. It was a group I've never been to. There were about 18 people there.

It is the Courage for Change group and we read the daily reading and talked about it. It was about people pleasing and that is me. I am a people pleaser and I long for approval and praise. That's hard to admit about myself.

I have no self-esteem and I volunteer to be a victim to my addict.

I NEED al-anon.

TMZ

Welcome to SR.

I am glad you went and it will help.

" courage to change the things you can,"

InnocntBystnder

Thanks TMZ. I will continue to go because if we do not reconcile (meaning he gets one year clean and is actively and continously working a program and we get counseling) then I want to know WHY I chose who I chose in the first place. I do not want to get into that situation again and I need to figure out why I made the wrong decisions.

Even if we did reconcile (slim chance) then I want to be able to do better this time and if he did relapse, I want to have the tools in my toolbox to deal with it. I know Alanon can give them to me.

I just like being in a room where I don't have to wear the mask that I wear all day long. Those people take off their masks (facade of being strong/okay/happy) at the door too and it is just real inside that room.

CatsPajamas

I went to my local meeting last night. I understand exactly what you are saying, because that's how it is at my meeting too. The people there are real, they understand, they don't judge me. They don't criticize or tell me what to do. They share their own experience, strength and hope, and they love me unconditionally. No matter WHAT.

It was early on in Al Anon where I learned about setting boundaries. I got my voice back. I learned that I don't have to accept unacceptable behavior.

Most of all, these people understood what was going on in my house, in my world, in my family. I was frightened and ashamed to tell my parents or even my close friends. But at Al Anon meetings, I knew that others understood. Some of them had experienced almost exactly what I was going thru, and they were able to tell me what had worked for them. My situation involved some violence and abuse, so they were also able to point me towards some resources, and had patience with me while I explored my options.

I say it often - Al Anon saved my life. It's really that simple.

And SR has been a lifeline for me for many years now - a place I can go to get support, and find my balance again if needed.

I'm glad you had a good experience at your meeting. And, although I'm sorry for the circumstances, I'm glad you found us too!

Hugs
Cats

LifeRecovery

I on occasion feel a little amount of "guilt"

The reason is because I continue to use Al-anon, and SR even though my life has been realitively chaos free for 17 months or so.

It has helped me in ALL my relationships though....alcohol involved or not.

Ann

My son has been missing for over 8 years, and there has been no chaos in my life since then. Yet, for me, I cannot get complacent. Working my program every day helps me maintain my serenity and keep my peace. Like the poster above me, it helps me in ALL my relationships and with coping with life in general. I would no more give up my program than an alcoholic with 25 years of AA would give up his/hers. It's what keeps me sane.

I'm glad your meeting went well. I felt just as you do, it was a place where I "belonged", where I could just be me and be totally honest about my life and my feelings. Like Cats, I often say that meetings saved my life...because they did.

Hugs