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Old Member/New Name Hi all- My name is Laura and I was a member here several years ago and I can't remember my user name or even the email address my account was under, so I am re-registering. My story: My husband is addicted to prescription pills. Mainly xanax but opiates tickle his fancy too. He'd pretty much take whatever pain pill was available. He got clean for several years but obviously, he isn't still clean because I wouldn't be here otherwise. Anyway...that's neither here nor there because an addict is an addict is an addict right? So we now have a child together (an oops of the most blessed kind) and although you THINK that a child will be enough, he or she is not. My son is 19 months old. My husband relapsed right before Thanksgiving and although I made some of the same mistakes I did the first time around, I kept it in a much shorter time span this time. I meet with an attorney on Tuesday to draw up my separation agreement. AH is clean right now and has agreed to sign because I threatened to take him to court on habitual drunkeness (prescription medications fall under this category) if he didn't and he is well known in the community and doesn't want that exposure. So.....my son and I have been staying in our house but will be moving out because I can't pay for it and I'm going to sign it over to him (he is the only borrower, I'm only a title holder) and get out from under it. I guess I'm emotionally okay....just really disappointed and hurt. I learned the right stuff the first time around. Like I know it isn't about me and it's nothing that he's doing TO me. It still is hard all the same. Anyway...I'm back. I'm here for the support that I got the first itme around because it was awesome (after I pulled my head out of my butt and actually LISTENED to those who have been there before me). |
Anyway...I'm back. I'm here for the support that I got the first itme around because it was awesome (after I pulled my head out of my butt and actually LISTENED to those who have been there before me). If you keep you sense of humor about you, it helps ALOT. It helped me. :) I am glad to hear you pulled it together quickly, sometimes the longer you hang in, the deeper you can get. And, good god, we look silly enough with our heads up there, all the better to stop it quick. :tyou Beth |
Originally Posted by wicked
(Post 3234788)
And, good god, we look silly enough with our heads up there, all the better to stop it quick. :tyou Beth Thanks for the welcome. I do appreciate it. I'm pretty good about my sense of humor....if I don't laugh, I'll cry! |
Welcome back Laura, and I firmly believe a sense of humor is a must in the toolbox of life! :) |
Welcome back! We are here for you! |
Yes...the support here is not found anywhere else. No one else understands what you are going through and in "real life", people are surprised at how "not sad" I am. Yeah, it hurts, but that's addiction. When I stayed with my husband, I stayed with the reality that he could relapse and relapse he did. That is the reality you choose when you choose to remain with an addict. In recovery or not, the possibility is always there. It's always in the back of you rmind and to be honest, I could never let me self fully relax around him when it came to addictions. Keeping codependency in check is a full time job, even when things are good. Sometimes I would find myself staring at his pupils a little too hard or TRYING to trip him up. I'm just tired of that and I don't want to do it anymore. Scared----I didn't take this step for a very long time. I left him once for a couple months and that is when he got into recovery the first time. He still has a sponsor and all and is starting the 12 steps over again but I just don't have it in ME to do it one more time. I want to be happy and feel secure and stable. |
Originally Posted by scaredsillie
(Post 3235376)
As I've said to my mother before, I know that I have it in me to go on with this as long as he can, it's just not something I want to do anymore. I've told him and everyone else involved that I've had enough of this in my life. I'm changing and growing, he sways back and forth. I'm just doing what I have to do right now and biding my time until I am capable of branching out on my own, and I'm okay with that decision. For now. I too just want to be happy,secure,and stable.. but now I know that I cannot depend on him for those things, so I am doing it myself. I still have mixed emotions, because I do love the man hiding behind the addiction.. but I hate when the addiction shows its ugly face. It would be one thing if it were just the two of us, you know? I wouldn't think twice about leaving, but I will not be out on the streets with my son.. we ARE taken care of at the moment, and don't need for anything but his fathers sobriety... so, like I said.. once I can do this on my own we will probably be gone.. far,far away, where him visiting will be unlikely to damn near impossible, and sadly that gives me some comfort. That is the super hard part....hearing or seeing that person that you fell in love with that you KNOW is in there somewhere. It's not like I can just stop talking to him because I have a child with him. What do you do? So, I try to keep it about our son. If he is clean, he can see him if he is not he cannot. I just need to keep things civil until our separation agreement is filed. I CAN'T financially do it on my own right now and it's hard to not rely on child support because he hasn't lost his job or anything. He actually does okay at work but its the at home part that is a struggle. I'm staying with my parents until I can get some debt paidoff and get my own place...hopefully within 2 months. We will see. I hoping that with a tax return check and me saving as much as I can, I can pay the remainder of my student loans back, plus a personal loan that is almost paid off and two very small credit cards. If I can do that, I will no longer have about $400 in debt per month that could be used elsewhere. |
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