Forgiveness/Christmas to remember
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: charleston, sc
Posts: 35
Forgiveness/Christmas to remember
Its Christmas eve. I found out at about 1AM that my wife has a lover. Her bail bondsman seduced her. He has a girlfriend. It crushed me. How was that for a Christmas present? I went bananas and didn't get a wink of sleep. I prayed all night. This addiction has taken her places that I didn't think she would go to. I read everything about addiction on this site again and again. I got on my knees. I have given this to god. I am actually forgiving her right now as I type this. I will not forget it, but I am forgiving her and it is lifting off of my heart. I am gonna let her go now. I am gonna let her be free to fall and get up as many times as she needs to. I just can't help her or try to any more. Thanks to all and have a merry christmas.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Okay, are you done yet?
Just as an Alcoholic and/or Addict is asked, I am asking you.
Please, please find yourself a counselor that specializes in addiction and/or some Naranon or Alanon meetings, which are for the friends and families of A's. I mention Alanon as many times there are way more meetings than there are for naranon.
I would also suggest that you talk with several attorneys (interview them) during their 'initial' pro bono half hour or hour and see what your 'legal rights' are in getting custody of your daughter.
This is about you getting as "Well" as you can to be able to take care of that very impressionable 14 year old.
I realize your CPS did nothing on your call, however, be aware that she will get caught. You see she is 'Dr Shopping' to get these prescriptions and since they are a Class 2 and/or Class 3 Narcotics, the pharmacies are required by State and Federal Law to submit their records every quarter. Then when those records are all entered into the computer system quarter after quarter, her name WILL BE SPIT OUT and one of these days she will have DEA knocking on her door, because they first 'Suspect' someone is 'reselling'. Then when they see she is a user ........................... she will be under 'federal arrest' either way.
Unfortunately, this does not happen in 'our timeline' but it does happen.
My concern is for you and your daughter.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. I know it does not seem like much, but ...................................... you are not alone, we are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
Just as an Alcoholic and/or Addict is asked, I am asking you.
Please, please find yourself a counselor that specializes in addiction and/or some Naranon or Alanon meetings, which are for the friends and families of A's. I mention Alanon as many times there are way more meetings than there are for naranon.
I would also suggest that you talk with several attorneys (interview them) during their 'initial' pro bono half hour or hour and see what your 'legal rights' are in getting custody of your daughter.
This is about you getting as "Well" as you can to be able to take care of that very impressionable 14 year old.
I realize your CPS did nothing on your call, however, be aware that she will get caught. You see she is 'Dr Shopping' to get these prescriptions and since they are a Class 2 and/or Class 3 Narcotics, the pharmacies are required by State and Federal Law to submit their records every quarter. Then when those records are all entered into the computer system quarter after quarter, her name WILL BE SPIT OUT and one of these days she will have DEA knocking on her door, because they first 'Suspect' someone is 'reselling'. Then when they see she is a user ........................... she will be under 'federal arrest' either way.
Unfortunately, this does not happen in 'our timeline' but it does happen.
My concern is for you and your daughter.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. I know it does not seem like much, but ...................................... you are not alone, we are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I have found that recovering from addiction in my life and an affair on top of it has taken me a lot of time (16 mths and counting).
I say that just so you know that 1. you are not alone and 2. it is okay if further emotions come up around this.
Counseling, Al-anon, and being gentle with myself really, really helped.
I say that just so you know that 1. you are not alone and 2. it is okay if further emotions come up around this.
Counseling, Al-anon, and being gentle with myself really, really helped.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Topdog:
This is a tough one for you and your daughter.
If there is any silver lining in all of this, it is that you can finally begin to focus on you!
I think you can see that the general theme here is TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I have fought and kicked through this whole recovery program because I kept trying to control the uncontrollable. It takes time, but keep reading, attend meetings, counseling.etc.....whatever it takes to keep the focus on YOU.
For me, the recovery seed was planted (mostly through this board) and I could no longer be comfortable in my denial. That sucks because I still have to muddle through this muck! And that is where my SR Family comes through to shed some healthy light on things.
The bright side is....every day is not a bad day, anymore. Things have not changed with any of my ACs, in fact, they seem to have worsened. However, I am beginning to draw back from them and concentrate on my own choices, which lessens my enabling behavior.
Remember, we are all with you in this struggle,
Huggs,
Hope
This is a tough one for you and your daughter.
If there is any silver lining in all of this, it is that you can finally begin to focus on you!
I think you can see that the general theme here is TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I have fought and kicked through this whole recovery program because I kept trying to control the uncontrollable. It takes time, but keep reading, attend meetings, counseling.etc.....whatever it takes to keep the focus on YOU.
For me, the recovery seed was planted (mostly through this board) and I could no longer be comfortable in my denial. That sucks because I still have to muddle through this muck! And that is where my SR Family comes through to shed some healthy light on things.
The bright side is....every day is not a bad day, anymore. Things have not changed with any of my ACs, in fact, they seem to have worsened. However, I am beginning to draw back from them and concentrate on my own choices, which lessens my enabling behavior.
Remember, we are all with you in this struggle,
Huggs,
Hope
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Philadelphia, Pa
Posts: 16
I have replied to several of your posts. I also posted a few times (please read if you have time). I do not know if I shared with you that my addict was cheating but I did share it in my posts. It would have been nice to move on after her verbal abuse so you would not have this extra knife in your back but I am learning that the more pain, the easier to let go. I am absolutely devastated and I KNOW exactly what you are going through. Sleepless nights, praying, projection, excusing her behavior just to feel better, going over certain AHA moments you should have had.
When he went to work and turned his phone off a day before pay day why didn't I go to his job when he got off just to see where he went? Turning the phone off was not about the fact that he was going to take his check and get high so he needed to avoid me but NOW I find out it was because he went to his other woman. Now I say, if only I let go then, I would not have to know all of this crap that hurts so bad. When it was about addiction it hurt but I knew the problem was addiction. Now knowing there is another woman, well this is an entirely diffferent pain.
I don't know the answers but I do know that the longer you stick around the more pain you will endure and the more pain, the harder it becomes to tolerate the pain. I am so sorry that you had to go through this pain. I even question if cheating and addiction were too different issues. I am not able to say this is where addiction took him. Maybe it did but either way the pain cuts deep.
When he went to work and turned his phone off a day before pay day why didn't I go to his job when he got off just to see where he went? Turning the phone off was not about the fact that he was going to take his check and get high so he needed to avoid me but NOW I find out it was because he went to his other woman. Now I say, if only I let go then, I would not have to know all of this crap that hurts so bad. When it was about addiction it hurt but I knew the problem was addiction. Now knowing there is another woman, well this is an entirely diffferent pain.
I don't know the answers but I do know that the longer you stick around the more pain you will endure and the more pain, the harder it becomes to tolerate the pain. I am so sorry that you had to go through this pain. I even question if cheating and addiction were too different issues. I am not able to say this is where addiction took him. Maybe it did but either way the pain cuts deep.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I'm sorry Topdog. I know how bad that hurts. And I know that it takes some time to process. I've been there.
I hope that you get the relief that you need by letting go...even for just a spell. Sometimes that's what is the jump start to getting to a better place.
(((Hugs)))
I hope that you get the relief that you need by letting go...even for just a spell. Sometimes that's what is the jump start to getting to a better place.
(((Hugs)))
Last edited by cece1960; 12-25-2011 at 04:53 AM.
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