oneday66

Question for those who've done it... When you detached and found serenity...was that the same thing for you as losing hope???. Ive read that there's hope as long as they are alive. But I dont think I can take the ups and downs (ironically, especially the ups or when he's well). Itt just feels like the only way to detach is to completely walk away and give up hope. I hope this makes sense... Im struggling with this now

lesliej

hope...compassion, love even.
all of these have mellowed in me in the last six weeks.
I have gone through cycles of grief and some of that (anger, sorrow, despair) felt like losing hope. there is "bargaining" in grief too and in trying to be honest with myself I had to just let go of hope for a few days there...I think, maybe, in order to reclaim it in a better light.

I own my love, hope, compassion, faith, and belief in recovery. before, I was sort of giving it away...and the addict "abused" hope. there is always hope. let yourself rest, find peace, self care, quiet, open up...open up...open up to a sense of the much much much bigger picture in the world. then decide whether YOU want to be someone who still has hope. some people let it go. I hope that my addict doesn't let go of the hope that is a birthright to us all...and I can hope for him too, but I don't have to give it away...it is my hope and I share it with care.

lesliej

by detaching from the addiction and finding serenity I have found more space in my heart, more energy in my spirit (that had been getting stolen away by an addiction I can do nothing about) that space and energy can be put to good things...more love, more hope, more compassion in the world. don't let it leak away into addiction...let it fuel recovery in your own heart and soul...then you will be better able to share it with others in a healthy way!

outtolunch

There's an old saying that hope and fear chase eachother's tails.

We codependents tend to attach our emotional stability to hopeful fantasies of desirable outcomes we do not control.

Detaching means that our hope no longer controls our emotional state.

LifeRecovery

For me hoping and praying for someone getting well is seperate from detachment.

I hope that my loved one recovers. I am detached because I know that his behavior, recovery, etc have nothing to do with me and I am not responsible for any of that any longer. I got really caught up in that part for a long time.