topdog0627

Well I just spoke with her. She is mad as heck about me getting all the empty bottles and empty prescription bags. My dilemma now is whether or not to call all the doctors on the bags. The last time I did she went to a methadone clinic because she got cut off of her meds. She has her whole family getting these pills for including her mother. I am so filled up with grief and anger I just want to explode. To call the docs or not to call. That is my dilemma. It is hurting me. I am hurting me. If she didn't have my daughter it would be easier. I care about her. I love her. I am a great lookin guy with a good job. I was a ladies man before we met 18 years ago. Women want to talk to me now. Everyone tells me to date. I believe she is cheating. Maybe this would help me move on. I just do not want to jeapordize my marriage. I know this is not her it is her addiction.

suki44883

It's her recovery, or lack thereof, not yours. This is not your dilemma. It isn't your place to call her doctors, and what good would it do anyway if her family can still get her pills? Quit trying to control what she can do. Limit communication with her.

Do you attend nar-anon or al-anon meetings? If not, please look into it. If you do, you need to double up on meetings. It's time for you to learn what you can and cannot control, and to learn how to detach from what she does.

FT

TopDog,

I agree with anvilhead.

Also:

Courts love documentation. That can come in the form of photographs, receipts, even journal entries of dates and times you see things going on.

If this turns legal, and it would if it were my daughter, I'd reinforce my position with everything I could get my hands on.

This kind of documentation may not wake up the wife to reality, but it's a good foundation for you to protect your kid.

FT

lesliej

i don't think the dating idea is any good whatsoever.
you are up to your eyeballs in a situation, it would not be fair to use another human being as a distraction. take yourself to a movie, if you need some entertainment don't objectify someone else to get it
you need to take some solid time and do some discernment about what you are going to do about your "marriage"
get some help, like suki said, maybe double up on meetings because things are getting tense. hopefully all of this will lead to a breakthrough.

TiredandSpent

If you are married dating is a bad idea. Even if she is cheating on you. And if you do date, can you be a decent date? Will your date benefit from association with you as you with her? Or will you just be using another woman to make yourself feel better?

Have you talked to a lawyer about custody of your daughter? Or at least setting up a visitation schedule backed with a court order? Your wife can't just decide not to let you see your daughter over Christmas.

It won't matter whether you call her doctors or not. Do whatever makes you feel better. You can't fix her by tattling on her, but maybe you can help your daughter or help your eventual custody case with your daughter.

Document everything. If you don't need it later it can be tossed. If you do need it, it's invaluable.

Good luck to you.