nelson83

My name is Erin and I have been married to my husband for 5 year and we have been together going on 8 . We have four little girls 6, 4, 1 , and 5 months. in that last few months I have found out my husband has been using cocanie and taking money that was for our bills to pay for it. This is not his first time we have been thru this game for the entire 8 years we have been together. He has been to rehab he was 21 yrs old and is now 32.

he says I cant truley understand how the drugs pull at him. And I know that is true, in the last two weeks he spent 500 dollar and lied to me about where it went, that left us with no money for food for our kids and formula for our baby. I work a full time job at a hospital emergency room, I bring home all the money. I work as many hour as possible to make up for everything we have lost.

I have told myself that I should just leave and maybe he will understand, this is something I have threatened to do for years but have never felt so compelled as I do now. I want to save my self the heartache and protect my children. well that is some of my story this will have to do for now, because my story is still being written, and my life is still upside down.

gt23

Erin, it was 28 years ago, almost to the day, that my wife kicked my junkie ass out of the house. I continued to use for 13 more months, but the pain of losing her, and the guilt I felt for neglecting my children finally compelled me to seek help. We never got back together, but we raised the kids together responsibly and amicably. I'll have 27 years clean next month. I credit my ex with saving my life by making that tough decision so long ago.

outtolunch

Whatever you do, protect your money and stuff. Given he's in active addiction once again, there is no reason for him to have any access to your money and be aware that just about anything can be pawned.

Allowing someone in active addiction around children is not sound parenting.

hope2be

Out to Lunch doesn't sugar coat, but says it all!!

I too was raising children with an addict at home, worked in an ER full time and another hospital part time to make ends meet. My addicted spouse died 10 yrs ago and my children are all grown and very dysfunctional. I am in the process of forgiving myself for leaving them at home with their addicted father.

What was so crazy was that while I was working 2 jobs, running a household and trying to be Mommie...I never thought I could make it on my own without my spouse. When I look back...unbeeeelievable! I was doing it all anyway. That's how sick I had become.

I hope you find peace and make the right decisions for you, whatever that may be,
Huggs,
Hope

Kindeyes

beautifully and lovingly stated Anvil.

Heavy emphasis on doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and your children. Addicts don't like it when we do things to protect ourselves that are a consequence of their behavior (such as setting up an account that they don't have access to) but it is THEIR behavior that creates the consequence. And NO we AREN'T crazy for doing it and we AREN'T over-reacting (typical accusations hurled by the addict). We need to take control of that which we have control of and shield ourselves from the sting of their indignation.

You and your children (and your husband as well) are in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
ke

nelson83

I think what annoys me the most about all of it is that the next day after he is confroted he acts as if nothing has happened. I can still see that he feels he has done nothing wrong. He says he didnt lie to me because I never asked he just didnt tell me. but that the whole time all he wanted to do waas tell me . I asked him if he thought about his girls the first time he used again and he said yes. So I asked why did that not make you want to stop? He said at that point he had no control over it. He talks in circles and confuses me, I really want to understand I want to know what I need to do to help him. He told me what he needs from me is patience and kindness and support. well the first thing out of my mouth was what the hell have I been doing for the last 7 years?! He asked if I could do that for him, I said I have done alot for you its time you figure out what your going to do . I cant leave untill I get our taxes back that gives you a month. and I walked away. Am I wrong to have been harsh with him? I never know what to say to him. He always asks me if he makes sense and to me it doesnt, only because before everything I do I think of the effects it will have on my family. He doesnt.

outtolunch

He's just doing what addicts do. His addiction demands he protect and sustain it at all costs. Nothing else matters. It's not personal. Just feels that way, right now.

Unless you protect yourself and children he will most likely snag the tax refund out from under your feet. You could consult with a tax advisor and file separately.