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Old 12-21-2011, 07:00 PM
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thank you everyone

The memorial service was today. It is a relief that it's now all over. I don't have to hide my checkbook and check my bank accounts daily. I will never worry again about what he is doing or where he is.

My husband had every opportunity to stay clean. It was his decision to go out and use one more time. He never reached "bottom".

Addiction leads to hospital, jail and death. We cannot love addiction away. We cannot make someone stop using. We MUST take care of ourselves first.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:22 PM
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I am so very sorry. Prayers for you and all who loved him.

I really hate this disease.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:14 AM
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I'm so sorry. I hope you and your family can find some peace.
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Old 01-05-2012, 05:02 PM
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I am still alive, my bed date pushed back a week, can only speculate why, which doesn't matter. I did used since the reply to this post, my sober date: Christmas. Why? Read the Doctor's Opinion for insight, I need to say the choice was mine though. I have put other things in place to help, and I am set on keeping my date. If I fall to this like your husband, my family suffers severly, if I succumb to this in limbo, my family suffers more. They would be better off if I died. It's a simple desire not to use, a daily prayer to God to life that, it's one day at a time, it's this: that if I'm done, I'll have the right sponsor and take the suggestions. I'm sober and going to the VA, clean. At least I'm past the 5-7 day mark. Coming out I'll be past the 30 days (50 or so), addicts should know those times mean something physiological. Anything helps. I read a post here where Impurrfect got rid of things that reminded her of using, or could mess with her. Great advice, advice instituted here with me. There's more to it, whatever works positive for recovery, and combats addiction. It is a war. This damn addiction won many battles over me. I will win the war. Speak thins into existence, don't concede, don't resign, have reverance, not quivering fear. One AA told me "Stick to the rooms.", when I told him of benefits I receive from this site, well, another may say, whatever works, as I do, as Impurrfect knows. Don't argue with opinions, try it on, if it doesn't fit move on, but try it on. "We hold these truths to be self evident." (Declaration of Independance). Do whatever it takes, for you, to overcome and live. Fight the good fight, live the good life. And I mean FIGHT ! I made a decision, after much deliberation, and consultation of others, to get another sponsor. My prior has 32 years. I asked again to meet w/ him (after 3 days of him not being able to) - he said, "What is it you have to say? Say it.". I am getting another sponsor. "Okay." Click (dial tone...). Well, I will try to practice the principles in all my affairs. I called an AA I asked to be my temp before I talked to prior sponsor, him and several others are helping me through all of this. Thank God I have the ability to flip a switch and shut off negatives right now. Focus on the SOLUTION, not the problem, that is one of the best things for me I have been practicing, and it's new to me. Above much, I must remain consistant and calm, doing what works, avoiding triggers and traps. Knowing these things, knowing and showing is 1/2 the battle! Diligence! I wish you all well, and if longsuffering brings the greatest Joys in life, God Bless you, as he surely has.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:03 AM
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:40 AM
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I am so sorry.

I see that you have been a member of Sober Recovery for 5 years and so have been learning how to do the best thing as far as your husband's addiction and your part in it. I wish there were good guarantees for doing that. I wish we could count on only success stories for doing that. I wish life were fair, for you and for all of us.

Barblsn, you are not alone. My own father committed suicide as a direct result of alcoholism. Yours is a hard row to hoe, but you are not alone. I have noticed that those of us whose addicted loved one died do not come back to this topic as often, so I want to say now that you and your family are loved, you and your family have been prayed for and continue to be prayed for, and that your life and the lives of your remaining loved ones have meaning and purpose. And you may not feel this right now, but you will have a different and focused insight into addiction that only this kind of experience can give you. You might not consider that to be an uplifting statement, but I pray that someday it is.

May God bless you all. You will wake up tomorrow whether you want to or not, and you will put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:18 AM
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My prayers continue for you during this difficult time.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:26 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. GOD Bless you and your family.
Hugs!
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:42 AM
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Barb,so sorry for your loss, sending prayers your way.
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Old 01-08-2012, 07:58 AM
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Open Arms

Barb,

I don't know if you still visit this site at all. I can certainly understand wanting to move on, but I cannot imagine the feelings that come with this for you and your family. I hope I never forget your post. Christmas and New Years is a very hard time of year for many. Many to go through weather it be loss or depression. There is still the gift of Life in you, I pray that you are surrounded with Love, and that you continue to Love.
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:14 PM
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barblsn,
I am so sorry for your loss.Words are inadequate.
He was a human being,as deserving of dignity as any other.
Vale
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:19 PM
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to David 23

David, I too hope you remember my post. My husband Gary was a very intelligent man, had good jobs most of his life, was a good father and husband when he wasn't using drugs. BUT, he regularly, and ultimately, chose cocaine over his family, friends, a good life. CHOSE it. Each time he relapsed , I thought there were a million things he could have done to stop himself. A relapse is not accidental. Many steps have to occur before the actual relapse takes place. ONLY YOU can get clean. You can allow people to help you, but only you can make it happen. I pray you do.
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