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Quotes from "Addict in the Family" by Beverly Conyers

Old 12-16-2011, 02:00 PM
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Quotes from "Addict in the Family" by Beverly Conyers

Quotes from "Addict in the Family" by Beverly Conyers

Wow, how I wish I had read this book years ago...but, who knows, maybe I found it when I was finally ready to "hear" the words.

A few quotes I have found that have helped me:

* "Detachment...is simply a way for individuals to reestablish the distinction between themselves and their addicted loved one."

* "At first detachment is hard. It feels like loss. It feels like failure. It is neither. It is a simple recognition that the addict's problems and struggle are not our problems and struggle. We can offer support, encouragement, and love, but we cannot live another person's life, only our own."

* "Letting go of expectations is fundamental for recovery for families. Only then can we stop projecting and worrying about the outcome of things. We should also not expect that people will or won't behave in a particular way. Many of us live on a roller coaster of hope and disappointment, fear and relief, as we try to predict what the future will bring to our addicted loved one."

* Conyers quotes Al-Anon literature: "In nature there are no punishments or rewards. There are consequences."

* She goes on to say: "When families help addicts to avoid the consequences of their actions...the families are depriving addicts of an opportunity to grow. Likewise, when families are able to step back and let events follow their natural course, they are giving their loved ones a chance to learn valuable lessons...by letting their loved ones feel the pain of addiction, families are leaving the door to recovery wide open."

This is what our fellow posters have been saying as well.

Here's what I say today: Today I have clarity. Today I feel strong. Today I am taking care of ME.

Love and hugs to all of us!!

Susan
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:58 PM
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Ann
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Wow, these are so true, I'd love to read that book.

"At first detachment is hard. It feels like loss. It feels like failure. It is neither. It is a simple recognition that the addict's problems and struggle are not our problems and struggle. We can offer support, encouragement, and love, but we cannot live another person's life, only our own."
She pegged this one exactly. Detaching felt so unnatural for me when I first tried. I honestly could not see where my son and his addiction ended and I began. I was part of it, and it was part of me. How wrong I was.

Thanks, it helps to read this kind of wisdom even after years in recovery.

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Old 12-16-2011, 03:13 PM
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Lol, anvil, you're in a silly mood! And that's good!
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Old 12-16-2011, 05:03 PM
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I actually bought that book after I decided to quit smoking crack - gave it to dad to read, as he had/has no clue of what addiction entails. He never read it, but I do think it's a really good read and pretty much nails the addiction from the family's point of view (and the A's, once we finally admit how messed up we were).

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:55 AM
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I will go find that book and read it thank you. It sounds like what I need today.
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Old 12-21-2011, 06:37 PM
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This is one of my favorite books! Thanks for sharing these!
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:30 AM
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I am about to begin that book tomorrow! Looking forward to it!
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