outtolunch

Maybe the puppy ate the money.

StillLearning1

Where is the puppy? Seriously. Where is the puppy today?

skippernlilg

These are not just red flags, they are flashing neon signs, Vegas style.

bluebelle

You are right, this is a red flag party. We live in a world where we can help people. We can reach out and do things for others. However, we don't want to get entangled with them and do things for them that they can do for themselves. After 10 days, you do not know this person. Actually, you do know him. You know that he is an addict, that he cannot stay in a sober living facility, that his mother had to cut him off, that he stole money from you, etc.

dbh

Hi Wingedlioness!

One of the last men I dated prior to meeting my husband was one of my most challenging "fix-it" projects.

He lived in a bare apartment with only a mattress on the floor for sleeping. He struggled with daily living - paying bills, buying food, and putting out the garbage. You could also tell that he was struggling with a mental health issue.

He was also amazingly intelligent and could make me laugh. I was in love with him because I saw so much potential in him, if only ...

I actually stayed in this "relationship" for two years. In the end, I think it is what finally pushed me into therapy.

I grew up in an alcoholic home and it influenced the type of relationships I entered into for the early part of my adult life. I spent my childhood trying to fix my father. It makes sense that I went into my adult life looking for men who also needed fixing.

One of the "Laundry List of ACA Traits" is ...
Not saying this is you, but your post did remind me of me.

Thank you for sharing your story and for letting me share.

db

lesliej

It has given me an amazing amount of clarity to have had help seeing my formative patterns from childhood. I was neglected and unloved by my mother which sent me looking for love where I could find it. One place in the home, where no one else wanted to go...was my father. I had a mother and six siblings...everyone else was afraid of the man. He was a drinker and a rage machine. I learned to expertly navigate the dangerous waters in order to get what I needed...some love. I learned to pride myself on being able to trick the danger into giving me what I needed.

Later I would find that sex gave me the love I needed...but that's another story.

Anyway...comes as no surprise that later on in life I find myself once again "navigating the dangerous waters" that not too many other people seem interested in "sailing". I realized that one of the pay-offs in doing this is that I feel as though I gain a little security in choosing the man that frightens off others...I get him to myself and I get to prove how strong my loyalty and belief in love are...my love is so strong it will heal.

THREE C'S!!!