lonelystar

So here goes

I for some reason have come to a realization , blame. A big issue with me, and so I have come here to put the blame where it should be..

dealing with my addicted son i have put alot of blame on him I have been burdening him with what i must accept as my own

yes i did not cause his addiction but

it is not his fault I am not strong enough to quit my enabling,
it is not his fault that I do not stand up for what i believe is wrong
it is not his fault that i put trust into him when I know exactly where that 20 bill is going to go even if he swears up and down he just wants to use it to buy food , ciggs etc...
I blame him for making me weak for giving in , its a vicious cycle that me and my son go through .

and so im hoping this little realization will open my eyes for his and my own sake

outtolunch

I prefer " responsibility" to blame. Each of us is responsible for allowing whatever it is we have allowed, enabling, giving in and so on. We own it.

I had an ah-ha moment about 3.5 years ago after reading a post on this forum about the cause and effect of a $10 or $20 spot leaving a mom's wallet and going into the poison their child was shooting into his arms. That shot, any shot could be the child's last. Comprehending that my $20 could contribute to my daughter's premature death compelled me to take responsibility for my own role in what was going on.

What's done is done. Going forward, each of us has the choice to continue to allow or not. We can disengage from the vicious cycle any time we want to do so. "No" is a complete sentence. " No because" opens the door to negoitations and truth be told we are no match for negotiating with addiction.