broomhilde

I posted on this forum over the summer. To summarize: I am the common law spouse of an addict. He started using 2 1/2 years ago and his main drug of choice was cocaine.

When I came to this forum, I was angry and felt hopeless over the situation but also I was angry about some of the responses that I received from long time members. I wanted to change him or force him to quit.... I wanted to be able to love him enough, unconditionally, so that he would quit. It was horrible to read others notes that I couldn't do this.

My partner and I are still together. He has been drug free since June 1st. This was not an easy path; however, he decided to quit on that date. And he made the appropriate changes in his life to decrease his chance of reusing.

-No longer spending time with his cocaine friends
-Changing his employment to be away from user co-workers
-Reducing factors that were linked with his using, such as drinking
-Introducing challenging hobbies and exploring new interests
-Some group meetings and therapy with a drug/addiction therapist

Right now we are amazing. I'm writing this because

a) this has been a difficult almost 6 months
b) everyone on this forum was right. There was nothing I could do to beg or love him to quit

AND MAINLY,

c) for some hope.

We are doing well. Of course, there are days when he is late from work or going out. And I'm surging with panic that he might be using. I don't know when this will go away, if ever. But I love him. I'm proud that he has chosen to straighten out his life and focus on being healthy and a positive force in this world.

To others that are struggling more with their friends or family. I wish you the best, this is a difficult and heart breaking obstacle to face. I hope I am over the roughest path.

Ann

I am so happy for you both that he has chosen a path of recovery.

It's hard not to worry "what if" but enjoying each day one day at a time is all any of us get to do. We can't change the past and we can't predict the future, so just enjoy today and all the beauty it brings.

Thanks for sharing this with us, it is indeed a beacon of hope at a time of year when we all need a little more light.

Hugs

greeteachday

Thanks for sharing your story. I am not sure that the feeling of worry and what if ever leaves completely. For me, if I recognize it, remind myself that worry does absolutely nothing but make my stomach hurt, then imagine myself releasing the worry in the air, like letting a bird take flight, it helps me to let it go and stay in the moment.

Enjoy each precious moment with your partner!

useyourwords

Thanks so much for sharing and so glad your husband is doing well. I struggle a lot with the worry. My RASis lives in another state now and if I don't hear from her for a few days, or she doesn't answer her phone, I still start to get that worry and get that pit in my stomach feeling that maybe she has relapsed.

All I remind myself is that her recovery is her recovery. I couldn't make her find it, and I can't make her stick to it. If she is out using, what can I do? Nothing . . . I can just say a prayer and leave her a voicemail that I love her and to call me when she can . . . then try not to panic if she doesn't

There are two books that have helped me a lot with general worry/anxiety around this and other issues. One is called Things Might Go Terribly Horribly Wrong (haha, sounds like kids book, right?!) and the other is "Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life". Both are rooted in Acceptance and Committment Theray approach. They are not specific to addiction or codependence, but as supplements to that literature I have found them really helpful to get my awfulizing and general worry under control.

Welcome back and hope you keep us posted . . .