JLJ

I am brand new to this site but already I can see that I can learn from other members. I primarily joined to find support from and share stories with other people who have siblings and/or other family members with addictions. I also want a space to vent. I am just starting to work on me more formally - I'm going to a therapist, planning to attend some alanon meetings and have joined this forum. I haven't really talked about how my little sister's addiction has affected me - at least not with a professional therapist or in an organized support environment. I should have done this a long time ago and it scares me that this may have affected me more than I have realized. Any books/articles/programs someone can recommend to the sibling of a recovering addict? My sister was addicted to everything, manipulated my parents, still lives off of my mother, put me in danger, crushed my world about everything beautiful I thought a family could be and most of all - made me realize and/or feel like the worst big sister in the world. How can I keep it together and have my own healthy family after the dysfunction that has existed / still exists in my own family. I'm scared and feel I need to be as strong as I possibly can in case she relapses.

dandj2010

I have gone to Naranon meetings in the past.. I must say they help. People say things that we only think aloud. I realized in joining this site.. that I am trying to make sense out of the senseless. My moods and days depend on my addict and what they are doing. I think the biggest thing we can do for ourselves is focus on ourselves. Your therapy should be about you and building yourself back up. You aren't a bad sister.. you are getting healthy and to people that are sick or active in their addiction very scary! I wish you peace.

dandj2010

I meant to say.. as you get healthier it will be very scary to those who stay in denial or addiction. Go easy on yourself.

OwlFeathers

JLJ, I am glad you posted because I have two daughters, the youngest one is an addict, and I often wonder how badly it affects the older one. They are both adults. I know it breaks my heart that the two sisters are not closer because of this addiction, and my oldest daughter misses having her sister. She along with the rest of us have wondered at one time was there something we could have done differently to be a better parent, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin....
Please don't take that burden. IT isn't anything you did or didn't do. Please remember you are NOT your sisters addiction problem, and it is her addiction, not yours. You can live a loving healthy life and have a loving healthy family despite her addiction, and you can set the example that, yes, loving healthy families are possible.
And finally, you can always hold love in your heart for your sister, and support her choices when they are good, and accept her choices when they are bad.
Glad you are working on you. One of the many important things I had to realize in all of this is not to get stuck on my daughters path of destruction... I have my own life path that I need to live and journey on. And there are other people in my life who need me whole.
Much love and peace and hugs.

LifeRecovery

JLJ-

I have a younger brother who struggles with addiction, though the person in my life who finally got me to get some help about the addictions in my life was my husband.

I found a therapist who specialized in addictions (and eating disorders as this is how my dysfunction surfaced) has been invaluable. My therapist is worth he weight in gold.

I have found Al-anon really helpful.

I found a lot of reading/books at Al-anon really helpful in related to people with addictions.

Finally I found work by a woman with the name of Claudia Black really helpful too. I bet there are other authors out there but I read her.

Finally I learned to take it easy on myself.

useyourwords

welcome jlj!! i am also the older sister of an RAsis. glad you found this site and are seeking other support too. please feel free to see my other posts in reference to my experience with my sister's recovery. she was in severe, active addiction for nearly 10 years and i had (after several years) found some help for myself and was functioning well. my sister's recovery actually really shook me up, in that she did relapse (very briefly, straight back to recovery) but i was MESS. i realized i had become totally wrapped back up in feeling like i was "part" of her recovery; despite rationally knowing and living for years that i was not part of her addiction -- her addiction was hers and her recovery was hers. it was so hard when i got her back -- a her i never even knew, because she had been using her entire teen/adult life. the idea of losing that again hit me harder than i ever could have imagined, and it brought me here.

naranon is a great resource. a book that is actually an anxiety book, but that i really loved is called "things might go terribly, horribly wrong". it is rooted in acceptance and committment therapy approach (sort of a philosophical/mindfulness approach) and i found it really helpful. codependent no more has also been an eye opening for read for many of us here. i FINALLY (just this week!) got my mom to pick it up again and am hoping she might find something there she hasn't been willing to find in the past. glad you're here, but of course sorry for what brought you here. hope you find this a helpful place; i know i have!

TMZ

Welcome,
Your doing all the right things, and you found a good place here to vent and get support. Be sure to read the stickies above. Attend Al-anon or Nar-anon f2f it helps.

Keep reading and posting.
Be well,

hopeful0323

JLJ,

My younger sister is also in active addiction. My sister also takes manipulating the family to a very unhealthy level. My AXBF is what really drove me into a recovery of my own but I have also been effected by my sisters addictions and also growing up with an alcoholic father. Watching my sister take down my mother emotionally, spiritually, morally and financially has been the toughest for me. Attending alanon has saved my sanity! I am able to have a healthy relationship with my mom and not get involved in her relationship with my AS. I really love the book "Hope For Today" (alanon literature). It has alot of family stuff in it. Hugs and prayers for you!

BrianUtley

Hi JLJ,
I am a recovering addict and I have a sibling that is in and out of recovery. One of the best things I did for myself was participate in a family program at an addiction treatment center. There are addiction treatment centers that don't require you to have a family member in treatment to participate in their family program. A good resource to find a family program that may be able to help you is Addiction and Codependency Treatment - Recovery Connection
Hope this is some help. The most important thing to remember is to try to create some healthy boundaries and to make sure to take care of yourself.

JLJ

THANK YOU ALL for your suggestions and support. This is really great. I can tell I found a very useful site in joining soberrecovery.com.

siblingofaddict

Hi JLJ,

I'm the sibling of a (currently) recovering addict brother. He's 28, five years older than me, and I have had a very hard time trying to figure out how both his addiction and my family dysfunction have affected me exactly. I did a lot of research, here are some of the resources I found really helpful...turns out as adult siblings we have many of the same characteristics of codependency and ACAs....

http://www.nacoa.org/pdfs/The%20Set%...Curriculum.pdf
Google Answers: Adult Siblings of Alcoholics/Addicts
http://www.guesswhatnormalis.com/201...from-ptsd.html

if you ever want more let me know, I've kind of developed a running list of tens of sources...