kblock0401

This is my first post on here and I'm not really sure where to begin. As the title states, I'm married to a heroin addict. I just found out about my husband's addiction a little over a year ago and it's been a roller coaster ever since. He's gone to rehab twice and relapsed multiple times. I'm pregnant with our first baby (my second) and I know he's relapsed again. I am working the nar anon program and have a sponsor but am finding it difficult to detach with love. My husband has the same cycle; he relapses then jumps into recovery and when the crisis is over he quits. Then he starts with the self pity crap and goes on a downward spiral until he relapses again. This time around he has not come out and said he's relapsed and I haven't bothered to drug test him. This time I'm trusting my gut and I don't need black and white proof. In conversations this week he has not denied using though. I told him I think we may need a separation. I told him I'm ready to accept the fact that he is choosing to stay sick but that I can't allow him to keep myself of our family sick and the only way to ensure that is to separate. As I'm writing this I am happy to say that he is a meeting with his sponsor and a friend of mine who is also in recovery. However, I'm not sure that a separation is still out of the question. I don't want to give ultimatums because he needs to work recovery for himself. I know better and I know I have the right to ask him to leave whenever I am uncomfortable but it's really difficult. I'm not still not sure what I'm going to do yet but I just wanted to vent a little bit and maybe get others insight.

Impurrfect

(((kblock))) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what brought you here. I'm glad you are going to meetings and are aware that a separation may be needed.

I'm a recovering addict as well as recovering codependent with addict loved ones. It's hard to let someone go, to live their life as they choose, and it's not an easy decision. It may be a little slow, here, this weekend due to Thanksgiving, but I'm sure others will be around. You may want to read through some posts here. That's what I did when I first got here, and it did help knowing I wasn't alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Windblown

I feel ya. You don't have to make any decisions today. I'm forever in the future...but it just gives me anxiety worrying about what I will do 'if' he does or doesn't do this or that. I guess it truly is a one day at a time thing. My hubby was on bath salts this past two months...but he told me a week ago he quit because they are illegal now. But he's acting wierd today...and I just know. It makes me angry that he can be so mad at my son when he does drugs....but he says his life isn't unmanageable...still has a job and all that. But I'm sure you know...when someone you are close to is using...it's like we're on two different planets. Lonely...ya know. Naranon is awesome. Prayers help too. I will pray for you now.

lesliej

my ex (very recent...2 weeks ago I had him move out) ABF was a rebounder...he worked recovery in THE most amazing fashion, that is every time he got caught.
he has been in and out, in and out, for 2 decades. we' re in a hotbed of recovery here in the land o' Hazeleden and he smokes cigars with all the bigwigs, knows everyone, knows every treatment program, psyche ward, sober house...knows all the ins and outs, but really only for when he needs them.
He could run a treatment program.
He knows it all.
But he doesn't get it.
He loves his crack more than the people who love him. Everyone has assured me that "yes, he does love you...he just loves crack right now and he's an active addict"

I finally had to get to a point where the annoying, frustrating roller coaster ride was just a life drain. I am sorry that you are with child with him, I am sure that the intensity of the frustration is so much more due to that. However, it doesn't change where he is at. My ex has two children and he hasn't stopped for them.

I pray for you and the days and months ahead. I hope that you find this site helpful, it has been a source of strength and knowledge for me. I no longer take his addiction personally, but I take my own life VERY personally.

Peace. Compassion. Love.

fuster

Hello, Kblock:

Letting go is the secret to recovery for codependents. I am a recovering codependent and drug addict/alcoholic. If you are a member of a 12 step recovery group for codependents then you can get the support you really need.

Try navigating around this site and some other sites where those addicted to heroin are posting their stories. You can get an idea of what it is like for the addict. The main thing for you is you have to focus on self care, not care for the addict family member.