useyourwords

years ago my mother said similar things to me -- that she did things that compromised her own mental health to "protect me" from my sister's addiction. i was furious when i found out she was using me as one of her excuses for enabling, and ironically she was not protecting me at all, because as my mom "protected me" her enabling sucked the life out of her, so i was then constantly in a panic about my sister AND my mom.

your husband's actions are your husband's actions. your daughter's actions are your daughter's actions. and YOUR actions are YOUR actions. if you want to do something for your daughter that will help her in the many years to come of living a healthy life with an AF, set the example for her!! work your recovery. if you "protect" her in this moment you are setting her up for failure and false expectations in the future. you are telling her that enabling at self-sacrafice at all costs is okay. i say this as lovingly to you as i did to my own mom - protecting other adults (ie your daughter) is not an excuse for enabling.

i feel all my own codie issue coming up with this thread, in that i can't stop wanting to reply and "help" even though you have gotten so much good advice from others but don't seem ready to accpet it. i had a rough day with my own mom yesterday around these issues, i am probably not in the best place to be posting so i am going to walk away for a bit but i do wish you the best with this decision and hope the f2f is good.

and again :day2

Farfalla

Thank you.

outtolunch

I resemble that remark. Thank you for the reminder to stay in my own hoop for my own good.

NotSoSmart

hi... i have been AWOL from here awhile so i hesitated to give feedback, but since I do business with "evil insurance" I thought I might share that perspective...

Could it be that your insurance company, having access to progress reports, etc be balking at payment b/c they see he's not "done" or invested? I see it every day, with hospitals asking for additional time for a person who pretty obviously isn't ready or interested in recovery.

Of course we as families have a hard time embracing that fact since our loved ones are in treatment but they simply have to want it as much or perhaps more than we do.

Good luck to you and your family.. I hear the pain and frustration in your posts. Hugs of support

wicked

I went to treatment while I was active duty in the military, it was an intense six week inpatient program. We were assessed every day, with a summation at the end of the week.
There was a another female soldier there, she was not convinced she had a problem, so she was considered a "treatment failure". She was only two years from retiring, she lost a lot by not getting it.
The power of denial is baffling, cunning and powerful. I was there at one time, there but by the grace of my HP go I.

Beth

Aegian

That was the first thing to hit me as well. Going through the process to get a denial reversed is a big deal - and he is blowing it off. Don't be surprised if they deny future requests based on this. He was handed a gift (with a LOT of hard work from others) and chose to throw it away. The insurance company will require boatloads more from him the next time in proving intent to get clean before they even consider footing the bill. No cushy 14 day stay with someone else footing the bill. They know it is a waste of time and money unless the addict is on board, regardless of how much friends and family may want it to happen.

dollydo

Your daughter is 18 right? If so, she is an adult and can make her own decisions, if she picks him up that is her choice. The entire family is dysfunctional, you are all feeding off of each other.

How about you and your daughter going to a meeting together?

You are attempting to control everyone, that is impossible, it cannot be done. Work on controlling you, your impulsive behavior issues.

Might be time to take off your rosed colored glasses, and, face the reality of the situation.