the end of an otherwise nice day
 

Thanksgiving actually went so smooth for me today. We always have everyone here, and for a change everything lined up well, food done at same time, Turkey was awesome and the stuffing moist! Everyone relaxed and having a good time.

My AD also here. She got arrested about 2 weeks ago, and one of her friends bailed her out. She looked good, ate well. At the end of the evening, everyone gone and husband in other room, she and I just sitting on couch. And she asked if I had the number for the out pt detox center, or could we find it online. I said yes. And she wanted the number for the salvation army. So, I was thinking to myself, well this is good... she is asking for this info. She must be really interested. Then she says she has one more question. Only part of her bond was paid. Is there anyway I could pay anything towards the rest so it isn't revoked.

I dont know if she really needed money for rest of bond, or that was a story and she needed money for other things. She said she hated asking me. I said, I know you hate asking. But no, I can't give you any money. Sorry.

So now I figure, well, she was just asking about rehab options thinking that if I think she is all about rehab, I will be willing to pay money to keep her out of jail, and most likely she is not considering rehab all that seriously. That was a little kick in the heart.

6 months ago I would have gave her money. But been there, done that. She wasn't mad or upset.

It did put a damper on the whole niceness of the day though. :( oh well.
I am grateful for the rest of the day, and that she was able to be here, and she was not strung out or anything, and we had fun and a lot of laughs. I sure hope she gets through this tunnel soon.

Glad I could come here and post this cuz no one else really gets "it".

You did fine, and I'm glad that it was mostly a great day.

The money request does make me itch though, I have never heard them asking for more money to extend the bond, but I am Canadian, maybe it's different here.

Either way, not giving money was the right thing to do.

Big hugs because I have been where you are today and it's a lousy feeling.

Hugs

I wonder how many times do they ask after we say no.....continually...hmmmmm. I have said No, three times sence AS moved out. I think it must get easier but I feel the twist in your heart as if I were on the couch too. It is awesome that you were able to have her over at your house and have a Holiday together! And laughter too! Maybe just focus on the positives. I am learning about the grief process....because when addiction takes over a loved one...it is as if that person has died. So when someone dies I read the best thing you can say to the grieving loved one is...try to remember the happy, positive fun memories that you shared together. And you have some very recent ones...just today.

And here's another one...let's always keep hope in our hearts because miracles do happen. Both for ourselves and our loved ones. I am proud of you for saying No. Thank you for post because I will need your strength on Sunday when I see my As behind bars.i will say No too.

Love is not at all what I thought it was. It is not caretaking, but caring. And saying, No, is loving YOU. It all has to start with us. You loved yourself enough to say No...what's good for the goose is good for the gander!

This could be just what I am looking for !
 

Yeah ! Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for.
AO is back home 'I think'. After treatment I did not hear from her until she needed me to talk to her doctors. She had a liver transplant and is doing well ' I think'. Since I started to be 'real' with her and starting saying NO she has changed her oppinion of me. Since this 'was' expected I am trying to cope.
While the dinner was cooking I took a nap. TS took this opportunity to over indulge ' again'. Asked me if I was angry with him (he always does that no matter how I act.) All I said was, It is obvious what your physical state is right now. He stomped off, slammed the bedroom door and is sleeping it off.
Everything is still sitting on the counter.

Sis is doing great, got into a wonderful Bible study which changed my life.
Well I had my pie and am happy. Reading the last thread really meant alot to me. I am so trying to to be healthy but sometimes find the sadness unbearable.
Work and God make the difference for me.

If they are really working the program their Higher Power works out the financial stuff. We don't have to do anything....then in turn...their faith increases when they see the H.P. working in their life.....without asking parents!

O.k. Today....I'm walking the talk....it's easy when I'm not face to face with addict. You did great!

Thanks everyone :)
Windblown, yes, it is like a death and I think that is why in the beginning it is the hardest. Not that it ever gets easy but you eventually learn to live again.
Cynical and Ann, yeah the bond thing is wierd and not sure I believe that one. I paid bail for her one time and that was the only experience I have with it. You pay 10 percent, not half of ten percent. She was saying that there was still a couple hundred of that 10 percent that was not paid, that she had to pay that up today, but the bondsman was nice and so maybe she wouldn't get pu tback in jail if she didn't have the money, she just wasn't sure. I don't think that is the case at all.
****** hugs}}}}} to everyone. Thank you for posting replies and understanding.

"setting boundaries" ahhhh, it's a such worthwhile lesson I ever learned in my whole life. And that is what you did. She tested you and you stuck to your boundary.

The more you practice, the more you'll feel accomplished and the more she'll learn from you. It's a gooood thing.

From an experienced mom/door mat use to be.