mooselips

Hi Windblown,
Being the mother of 2 addict sons, (33, ad 38) I can tell you, you can worry yourself sick, literally. Take one day at a time.

And most of all remember, unfortunately, this is HIS problem, and HE needs to suffer the consequences, and HE needs to find the solution.

I have been where you are, so many times I can't count, and unfortunately, in the past, I always seemed to lapse back into the "enabling" mother.

Throw caution to the wind, and allow him to solve this dilemma.

Hugs to you, I know the hurt....

outtolunch

"No" is a profound and complete sentence.

"No because..." opens the door to negotiations and manipulations. No reason to go there.

( I negotiate for a living. When I hear "no, because...." it gives me something to work with and I use it to give my client every advantage)

Chino

I used to practice saying no in the mirror. I even used to imagine hearing my daughter scream and cry while I looked in the mirror, and I continued to say no. It suddenly dawned on me that I was saying no to myself, more than to my daughter

laurie6781

ok, here's some Naranon in Vegas:

NEVADA, Las Vegas

Holy Spirit Lutheran Church

6670 West Cheyenne Avenue

“Healthy Relationships”

Mondays, 6:00PM

Click here to see in Google Maps ➤


NEVADA, Las Vegas

Foundation for Recovery #10

4750 West Sahara

“Families In Recovery”

Tuesdays, 6:30PM

Click here to see in Google Maps ➤



NEVADA, Las Vegas

4750 West Sahara # 10

“Personal Growth”

Thursdays, 7:00PM

Click here to see in Google Maps ➤


NEVADA, Las Vegas

IHOP

9651 Trailwood Drive

“Serenity NOW”

Saturday, 8:30AM

Click here to see in Google Maps ➤

Also here is the Alanon phone number for meetings for Vegas at which you will be more than welcome:

Find a meeting in Nevada

Also check out the sites on this Google search:

https://www.google.com/#sclient=psy-...w=1356&bih=614

Love and hugs,

Windblown

I am lucky to have a sponsor in both Naranon and NA....because she knows the addict's game and can direct me away from the guilt manipulations for 'help.' She is my Naranon sponsor but I'm glad she's a recovering addict....bc she knows both side whereas I only understand the Naranon addiction to the addict. But I am learning!

The open NA meeting last night was rather dramatic and entertaining. I also saw the miracles and the uncontested gratefulness of addicts with any clean time at all. Mant said at first they did not want to be there and they also said the more recovery was shoved down their throat by well meaning parents/friends the further away it actually pushed them. Therefore, I will bring my resource list to the jail visit Sunday but will only give it to my AS if he asks for help.

Today I will try not to fantasize about the meeting on Sunday....but gosh...I wish I were going today! I did great yesterday until I got on the substance abuse site here and learned about heroin. My son had a roll of tin foil in his closet 6 months ago, and little tiny zip lock baggies and all his pens had been taken apart. My husband said he thought people smoked heroin using hollow pens on foil. Then I worried that my AS was on heroin and detoxing in jail in a tiny town with no medical supervision. So, I prayed for him, I know by not enabling him sence he moved out 5 weeks ago he is really suffering his consequences. I let go and let God because God's in charge of him now and if and when he wants help, o.k.....I'm lying....I was going tomsay he would find it on his own...but in truth I will give him the resources...you know....today I don't have to worry about what is going to happen to him. Today, I will remember to focus on me and my program and let God take care of anyone or anything outside of my hula hoop! I have prayed to allign my will with God's will for me today and have asked for inspiration, intuition, signs, symbols and direct messages through the mouths of others to carry out that will in the way God would guide me.

I love you all here....so many beautiful spirits....so many lives turning around for the better. We can and will get better. We are surrounded by loving guidance....today I will try to follow that.

Chino

I'm so glad you heard it straight from the proverbial horses mouths

We're often told the more we push, the more we're trying to control and it's so true. I used to say this tug of war between us and them reminded me of the push me-pull me's from Dr. Doolittle.

Good for you, on deciding to wait for your son to ask for help! I don't remember if I shared this with you before: "Wait for the question."

It's what us loved ones were told at my RAD's rehab and it made a lot of sense. From my side, I enabled and controlled to the nth degree because I didn't wait for her questions. My daughter didn't know to ask for help, or even how to, because there I was always fixing everything. When she wanted help, it was always a demand grrrr.

They also told us, when our ALO's were done talking, if we didn't hear an actual question, to ask them "are you needing encouragement, or are you asking for my help?"

In other words, we were all being instructed on how to have a normal dialogue and healthy relationship.

On the flip side, our ALO's were taught to ask for help. They went blindfolded through a labyrinth, and were told 3 words would get them out, but they had to figure it on their own ("I need help"). My daughter was the last one to ask for help :/

Windblown, again -- Good for you!

OwlFeathers

Laurie, you are so wonderful to post all those sites.

Justfor1

Don't worry he cannot die from heroin withdrawal. He will be very sick though and jails rarely ever offer detox help. Maybe send him some NA or recovery books to him in jail? Believe me, jail is very boring at times and chances are good he will read them just cause it's something to do. Plus, other inmates will probably not want to steal or "trade" for recovery books.