athomewaiting

My girlfriend recently went to rehab 2 weeks ago today, Its my first time going thru having her in rehab, she has been there before and relapsed after we have been together and live with each other for over 2 years now, I knew she was recovering, and a few times I knew she had gotten high on heroin, I thought it was going to be a once in awhile thing, I didnt like it at all, but then it became a habit, and she knew and wanted to stop and tried to do it on her own, but realized she needed to go to rehab to detox, so after 2 weeks she has only called about 4 or 5 times and the last time she called she was miserable and we only talked for about 4 min. and saying she was stuck in there, and now her counselor called and told me that she wanted her to contact me for family counseling, what should I expect at this first meeting and how long is she going to be away, she only wanted to go to detox, and they have her up at 6 and going to meetings all day till 9 or 10 at night. I fully support her and want to help her as much as possible, I really miss her and dont know what to expect, Help!

outtolunch

There is nothing you can do to keep her sober or cause her to relapse, again.
She is 100% responsible for her outcome.

Addiction demands the addict to protect and sustain it. Lying and manipulation are the most common ways to protect addiction.

Assuming she is an adult and not under court order, she is free to walk out the door at any time. And many do. That;s her choice.

The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to let her be and use the time and energy to work on yourself. Have you considered attending Alanon to learn about codependency and tools for your own receovery?

athomewaiting

Its not that Im worried about her relapsing again, And she was the one that made the decision to go to rehab and get help, I just dont know what to expect at the first meeting, or how the rehab rules or lengths of time, I know she can walk out whenever she wants, I guess its a good thing that she has chosen to stay and have this family therapy session, I on the other hand am going crazy, we are pretty much attached at the hip and this time away is hard, Im still going to work and doing what I have to do. I have not and never will use, i have smoked weed and done coke but that was years ago and it never got to the point where I could just stop, it was more recreational here and there, havent done it in over 8 years. so what happens at these meetings

tjp613

Are you wanting to know what to expect at this family counseling meeting? The counselors try to assess what the relationship issues are, the dynamics of how you relate, how you feel about her using, what the consequences have been for you, etc....things like that. They can tell a lot in these face to face meetings and it helps them as they treat the addict. They will also have recommendations for you -- most likely Al-anon, some reading material, and continued therapy. It's all good stuff. Take advantage of the opportunity and listen carefully.

athomewaiting

thanks for the info, I know that addiction is really hard, I have had friends and other people who have become addicts and watched it destroy thier lives, and I am glad that she asked for us to have therapy together, the only part that really gets me is her being there and not at home, I know its for the best, and I realize that there is no set amount of time, but I dont know what to expect, like i said Its my first time dealing with a loved one in rehab. so all i can do ask questions. because the rehab's policy is so hush, hush, that basic info like visits is even tough, they know who I am but laws prohibit some info and they dont discuss thier policy, its almost like they dont want you to help. but I cant wait to see her, first time in two weeks!

lesliej

get thee to al anon darling, its the most helpful and loving thing you can do for both of you...

lesliej

the addiction is also a systematic disease...anyone attached to it, or is affected by it as you seem to be, or attached at the hip to it...shares symptoms and feeds into the disease. getting help through a group is so eye opening...all the questions you have will find many answers there, not because people will tell you the answers but because you will learn how to "know" the answers. very rewarding work. healthy work. healthy questions. Life.

athomewaiting

thanks leslij, I have really never understood the addiction, I dont know what about it draws them back time after time, and she seemed to be fighting with herself over it, she would be fine for awhile and then all of the sudden she tells me she wants to get high, we have always been very truthful with each other and she knows it hurts me and that I dont want her to do it, we have been thru the arguments and even went the route of putting our relationship on the line, but the forcing the issue or threating doesnt seem to help but make it worse for her because now she is backed into a corner to make a decsion, so I went with the maybe you should think about seeking help and let her make tht decision on her own, i cant force her to get help she needed to want it for herself, not just for me, so when she told me she wanted to go to rehab I thought it was a great step for her, but now the distance of not seeing her or talking to her everyday or only speaking for a few minutes every few days is frustrating, Its only been 2 weeks but it feels like forever, LOL Im not really known for being that patient, I want some answers and I guess I will have to wait till tomorrow, our house is the only place she can go besides her moms, Im her home plan, I guess patience is key here,

outtolunch

Your friend controls release of information.

You can't help. This one is on her.

Rehab is not like summer camp where you show with cookies on visiting day.
She has an opportunity to learn how to fight for her life. Let her be.

How long she will be in depends on if this is court-ordered and who is paying for it.

Rehab does not cure addiction. Repeat this 10 times each hour, on the hour.
This is all on her.

Alanon will help you learn about your role in all of this. Alanon is about recovering from codependency.

Freedom1990

I would highly recommend you reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was a real eye-opener for me.

Also Alanon has already been suggested, and I too encourage you to attend.

Relationships where one cannot "live without the other" or where all the time is spent together is not a healthy relationship. If you don't seek help for yourself, the relationship will never be healthy.

Please consider the suggestions made.

Sending you hugs of support.

lesliej

I just looked at the Pie Chart of Recovery post....very helpful, check it out!