harleygirl71

It has been a while since I have checked in. I have been trying to stay busy because it helps me work off stress. Last week I was so proud of my hubby because he was doing so good with his lower mg of methadone. I was so proud of him for lowering his dose from 40 to 38mg. Friday night I asked him how he was feeling and if he was still maintaining at 38mg then he lowers the boom on me. He was at 43mg because he lied to me about how much he was on.Grrrrrrrr! I looked at him and asked, "when will you stop lieing to me?" I told him at the begining of this drama that no more lies from that point on but I guess not. Talking about mixed emotions that I am feeling. I am trying to detach myself from his addiction but in the process feeling emotionally distant from him. He is trying hard to be as sweet as he can to me and then I feel bad for feeling so distant but then I cant help but to think he brought this on himself. I dealt with all the stress in our lives while he self medicated and now that our stress is gone I am left with an addict. I love him but I am angry too! I may need to goto counseling myself to get help working through the emotions because I dont know one minute if I am mad, sad, disappointed, or happy. What I want to be is supportive without being an enabler, is there such thing?

dollydo

Yes, there is, you can support him by getting yourself healthy, that shows your dedication to your relationship. You see, if you remain codependent and an enabler, and he finally gets healthy, he will leave you in his dust. You both need to recover.

Methadone is supposed to be a bridge to recovery, to me, it is just a crutch, one that many become addicted to and have an even more difficult time overcoming. With that said,
he is still an addict, and will be one for the rest of his life...and...addicts lie, he may continue to lie forever...as...lieing also becomes a habit.

Work on you, make your recovery your priorty, strive to be proud of yourself, through your actions and reactions, his accomplishments and pride are his to claim.

Refocus, regroup, everything will improve as you improve.

My best...Dolly

ninja

ooohhh...I know that methadone lie! My boyfriend fed it to me for years...slowly started adding ativan, beer, seroquel...it went on for years until I kicked him out. He started methadone seven years ago...I'm sure he'll never go off of it. Good luck.

357girl

hello again harleygirl. i am still following your posts about your husband's methadone use. you mentioned your boundary is that he must continue to lower his dose. I would suspect he is lying to you because you are not supportive of this type of maintenance therapy. There are many people who do not approve of methadone therapy, I used to be one of them. My daughter has been on it for 6 months. Currently, she is on 63mg. She's 5'4 and weighs 130 pounds. Today, without me mentioning it, she said she is having her dose tapered by 7 mg every 2 weeks. She has a great counselor and supportive therapy, goes to meetings, and is making noted efforts to turn her life around.

There was a time when I wanted her off of methadone, this was 3 years ago when she tried to quit oxycontin/heroin the first time. I was very naive about methadone. I had no clue what could happen when someone gets off of it too quickly. When she was on methadone (the first go around) she was working full-time, buying christmas presents, taking the bus every day to work, and generally in very good spirits. She was actually a productive person. However, she was not working on her recovery in any other way, just taking methadone. She was tapered off of it too quickly for my financial reasons. She relapsed on oxycontin two days after she got off the methadone.

This time around, after 7 stints of rehab failure, I am supportive of her methadone therapy and am keeping my two cents out of it. When she told me today about her taper, I asked if she felt she was ready to start decreasing (not because i want her to stay on methadone, don't get me wrong, but because I want her to know that I am not going to look down on her if she decides she wants to stay on it). I hope she is ready psychologically too, not just physically. She told me she does not want to be on methadone forever, that the side effects she experiences are very unpleasant. Others have will have their opinions on methadone, but remember, they are just that. There are many people who have successfully tapered off of methadone and did not go back to using opiates. There are some who don't feel strong enough to get off of it, for fear of going back to their old lifestyle.

Please keep researching this drug therapy and the withdrawal protocals. Your boundary of making him decrease his dose "in your time" may not be healthy for either of you.

I really hope my daughter will choose to live a drug free life some day. I have given up on my attachment to the end result (her sobriety) because I can't make her do what I want her to. But I love her enough to support her while she is trying to make a better life for herself, even if it means she is on methadone. To me, it beats the alternative of her living on the streets again, putting needles in her arm. Those days were the absolute darkest of my life.

I am praying for you and your husband. =)

NotAsItSeems

My husband did great on the suboxone program. Until his doctor started pressuring him to get off at one year. If he would have went to some sort of therapy as well I think that he would have really had a chance at staying clean. I also had a problem with the treatment as well which conflicted his families thoughts on it. I agree 357 after going through failed attempts hindsights 20/20! We all should have kept our opinion to ourselves and let him figure it out. Bothers me that I feel I could have been more supportive. On the other hand it was his choice to not go to meetings or therapy. Goodluck and I hope he seeks help outside of the medication.

harleygirl71

Thank you for your replies,they really do help me think things through.