Farfalla

Good day all.
So last night I received a text message from my AH who was as you all know from previous posts laid off on Wednesday. He stated he wants his family back and will go for help. Asked if Seabrook House where we arranged for treatment was inpatient or outpatient. I replied inpatient. He said he was going to sleep on it and call them in the AM. This morning he telephones Seabrook House and dictates to intake what he needs help for. He states he will get help for the weed and coke but he will continue to take his pain medication. The woman tells him that is not how treatment works and he needs inpatient treatment. He proceeds to curse at her and verbally abuses her and hangs up. Because I was not supportive of his behavior I then receive a text to forget it, forget him, sell the house, he won't give me a dime of his unemployment. To this I reply ok. Obviously the phone call to Seabrook was just to appease me to try to manipulate his way back into my home. Because none of it worked the verbal abuse is starting on me. My personal boundary is not to accept being spoken to in a non-respectful manner. This line will not be crossed.

suki44883

They're such little children mentally, aren't they? When they don't get what they want, they throw a temper tantrum. Good for you standing your ground.

parentneedshelp

Good for you.. what a great step you took.. keep it up and stay strong you are doing the right thing..

Farfalla

Suki44883,
They really are like children mentally. Anytime someone stands in the way of his drugs watch out!!! He is like the EXORCIST. I wait for the head to spin and the pea soup to come out of his mouth.

hello-kitty

(((hugs))) Good for you. I'm glad you are standing up for yourself and enforcing your boundaries. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Farfalla

Thank you hello-kitty. I am trying to stand my ground. My personal boundaries are set. Financially my future looks like our home will foreclose. The fool doesn't realize the note to the mortgage is in his name only so my credit will not be damaged at all. I have parents who live in the same school district and they have three extra bedrooms for me and the kids. I will keep all the household expenses paid except for the mortgage. I really gave this alot of thought. Here I am paying all the utilities, the car insurance, the car payments, the college tuition, all household expenses and he pays his apartment and electric and cable at his apartment. If he had money to buy drugs up to and including this week before the lay off then he should of been paying his mortgage. He chose to buy drugs instead so why should I worry about his mortgage. My calculations he should of had $34000 since he went back to work saved up for a rainy day. That is what a responsibile person would of done for his family. That is what a person who wasn't an addict would of done for his family. I don't feel bad not paying his mortgage. Why should I when he doesn't care about it?

Freedom1990

Oh the visual from the Exorcist!

You're doing great, gal! Keep up the good work.

hello-kitty

You know... don't EVEN feel bad about the foreclosure. Repeat after me: not my problem. Many people are in that same situation right now due to the economy, NOT due to drug addiction.

Why in the world would you keep paying for something that doesn't even belong to you legally?

Still, you might want to talk to an attorney to make sure you are doing everything to minimize the risk to your credit. And then just put it in your HPs hands. You do not have control over this. Intervening would simply be enabling him to own a home, not pay for it, and keep using drugs at the same time.

You are a resourceful woman. You and your children will be fine. Trust HP.

Farfalla

My name is on deed not the mortgage note

dollydo

verylost

Good for you!

Farfalla

I would loose the house I just wouldn't have my credit tarnished. I am going to try to sell it this way maybe I can get my share of its value at least.

Impurrfect

Wow, good for you!! Sorry, but had to laugh about him dictating what he would "accept" to a treatment center. Back when I was using, I remember whining "I don't LIKE all these darned consequences, but I'm NOT giving up my crack"...wah.

He may get it, eventually, but at least you and your kids "get it" and are taking good care of yourselves! You, most definitely, deserve to be treated with respect.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Farfalla

Thank you and I do understanding laughing at the craZiness he so often speaks. Best is giving me a check. I go to his bank to cash it cause I don't trust he has money to cover it. They won't cash it tell me I have to ask the maker for a new check different amount. He says "well I had close to that in there".

Farfalla

He is so removed from reality

hello-kitty

He is. But you didn't cause it. You can't control it. And you can't cure it. What you can do is protect yourself and your children from it. (And it sounds like you are doing that.)

PurpleWilder

I know from your posts above that you have a college aged child. Do you have minor children? If you do, you certainly can get child support taken from his unemployment (whether he likes it or not) if you proceed with a divorce. I did. Don't let him buffalo you.

hopeful0323

Great job standing your ground. I find it so ridiculous how they try to dictate what treatment they will "accept". As family and friends, we know that if they really wanted it, they would not be putting restrictions on their treatment.

lesliej

my (ex) addict boyfriend who just moved out has been in and out of the recovery community for twenty years...he knows every program, every detox, pscyhe ward, sober house, treatment facility etc. no seriously, really. here in minnesota...the" home of 10,000 treatment centers". he has been playing this for so f'n long that he now cons and uses the recovery system for managing his addiction. seriously brilliantly sick
its amazing to watch him in action working the phone after he gets busted and i throw him out...ok, yes, i have done it a few times over.
this time though i have seen enough, clarity has been an odd gift and i pray i have enough of my own recovery to not weaken as the days go by
these posts are very helpful
please watch for me slipping!

lesliej

i don"t want to turn into his mirror image codependent where i "use" the loving al anon codie community to support me while i continue "using"!