Ilovemysonjj

Wind, you need to get out of the way. If you rush in and assume he wants help, you may be stopping some higher power activity. If he calls and begs you to take him to detox, that is a whole other call. I totally understand how you feel about being only 18. As a mother, they will always be our children. Take the call for the comfort in knowing he is alive. Without a car, the bottom will most likely come sooner rather than later.
Let Go... Talk and get support and in no way should you let this affect your relationship with your husband.

Joe3716

Do something with your husband and your other child that is not related to addiction/recovery. They need your time and attention. The addict will suck the life out of you, and before you know it, your other relationships will be damaged. Try to put your energy into those relationships.

siblingofaddict

My brother is the addict in my family, and my mom the codependent (well all of us are, really.) I think that if she had done what Joe said above, focused on my dad and I instead of trying to take care of my brother, it would have helped me from developing many issues and helped her have a healthier perspective. Money, cars, lawyers, rehab, housing...we went through periods of pretending it was okay but he never kicked the addiction. In denial about his addiction, she even chose to let him back into our home, knowing he never fixed the problem, and then frequently left me (22 at the time) alone with him for weeks at a time while he was actively using... All in all, it's been ten plus years, all her chasing and crazy antics to "save" my brother did nothing until he decided for himself...and he is three weeks sober now, I'm crossing my fingers but know his sobriety is not something I can control. I wish my mom had sought help like you are - know that acknowledging that you have a problem as well as him puts you ahead of the game. Keep with it.

I wish you the best of luck for finding your "how" for turning it over to a HP, I am currently struggling with it myself! Ironically, I'm turning over finding a way to let go to God - because I find that as much as I try to force myself to let go, I can't. Maybe sometimes "let go and let God" can be as simple as that...

Joe3716

I almost lost a wife and an adult daughter by getting so involved in my two son's addiction, and put them at risk.

Windblown

I spent the morning calling affordable rehabs in CA and AZ. I was so excited that I found a few places that my AS could go and get better one day...if he ever chooses recovery. I called my husband and he was so angry at me. He said let him find his own recovery...I paid for two detoxes and he neglected to follow through with the outpatient rehab plan or even go to a meeting. My husband said no matter what my AS always wins...that my husband who works and tries hard at life always gets the short end of the stick. I told him...if I don't offer this to him when he asks for help and he dies out on the street I will never be able to live with myself. My husband is so sick of my addiction to my AS. I thout I was getting my ducks in a row so there would be less chaos when and if the bottom dropped out. My husband wo't go to meetings. He is angry because AS burned him for a lot of money and he is hurt. I understand this...but I also have compassion for my AS who has the disease of addiction.

I can't save my son's life.i know that. I also can't just shut the door if he truly wants help. My marriage is suffering. I have researched rehabs, detoxes and all and now I am finished. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm tired of the tug of war. It's not like I'm calling my son dangling a rehab treat.

I pulled a tarot card. I got the devil. The codependance card. I am so screwed.

Why would my husband need to compete with a sick son? Me first, me first. I feel like running away from it all. I can't seem to ever do the right thing. My husband snorts bath salts but he functions perfectly. Whatever. I'm sober. I'm in naranon. I wish God would just fix all this ****. Sorry.

Seren

Your husband snorts bath salts?! I'm so very sorry to hear that you have 2 active addicts in your life...

The reason I came to SR was my stepson who is an alcoholic and crack addict. I'm quite sure that when all the crazies started with the young man, my husband (my bf at the time) was quite torn. I did everything I could to no put pressure on him, but I also had to maintain boundaries for my own safety and sanity.

It sounds like you may have some boundaries to put in place with your husband as well.....and you have the right to do that for yourself.

Hugs, HG

dollydo

Well, two addicts in family, not a pretty story.

Soooo, are you ok with your husband snorting bath salts as long as he works? To me,this does not compute, what kind of an example is your husband setting for your son? And, your condoning/overlooking your husband addiction, what kind of a message are you sending your son? It's ok for hubby to be addicted, but not you, my son?

Your son? He does need to find his own recovery, you are doing the leg work that he WILL DO if he truely wants recovery.

I believe that I had read in one of your previous posts that you are bipoler are you currently on meds? With all that you have on your plate I would hope that you are medically taking care of yourself.

God can only guide you, it is up to you to make the right decisions to improve your mindset, your life.

Wishing you the best...Dolly

Windblown

No, it's not o.k. for my husband to be snorting bath salts. I have asked him to stop and he gets defensive and says...I'm doing great at my job, getting ready to be promoted, I take care of the bills...my life isn't unmanageable...so what's the problem? Well, I said you have a heart condition with two previous heart attacks...you could die. He says if he dies young he'd be happier going out that way having fun instead of being 90 and useless. So, I have had to let go. I know my son sees him as a hypocrite and he is. However, my son was the one that brought the dang things in the house while he was living here. My husband would never have even known about them.

All I know at this point is I am sober and working a program. I am getting better but I still have bad days...more like only hours now. I can't stop either one of them from using drugs. I can't leave for financial reasons as I was injured on my job and am unable to work at this point.

I am not without hope. God is with me and all of us. So I will carry on. Thanks everyone.

Seren

Come here and vent all you want! There are many, many people who completely understand. I'm sorry that you are going through a dark time right now, and I hope and pray that it will get better for you soon.

Prayers of healing and peace for you, your son, and your husband.

HG

OwlFeathers

Hi Windblown. I feel I totally understand where you are coming from. I have got so caught up in trying to figure out the fine line between support and enable. I want so bad for my AD to get the help she needs, and yet everytime it is there for her, she turns the other way. It's hard to let go while still caring. I turn it to the HP but nothing seems to get better. I struggle with this, though not as much as I use to. I agree with Joe. You must have relationships with other family members that aren't about the addict.

OwlFeathers

Windblown, for whatever it's worth, I send you much love.

Windblown

Thank you all...tomorrow will be better. I may go for a walk or to the gym. But I'm thinking Hagen Das chocolate ice cream right now!